- Hello, Tangerines,
and welcome to my very first video post breakup.
I'll be perfectly honest.
I have been really stressing and overthinking this video,
because I feel like there's so much pressure
as to what I'm gonna do and what I'm gonna say.
And certain expectations,
even maybe a whole competition aspect
since Jordan has now put up two videos on his own,
or I made just a minor cameo at the end in both of those.
So, I had so many thoughts
really for what I wanted to do for this.
I wanted to maybe do a vlog to show my funny and quirky,
and like punny side of myself and kind of maybe show
that I'm doing okay.
And then I'm still happy after the breakup,
or even maybe put on that happy face,
because I can't sit here and say that
I'm doing perfectly okay
after a 5 1/2 year relationship ended.
I also had the idea to do
interviews with other single expats living in Mexico.
That's a video I still wanted to do,
but there was a whole lot more
planning and coordination to that.
And then I realized,
but I think that's gonna be a really fun video
in an interview style is not really
what we typically do on our channel.
So, not only would that be sort of therapeutic for me
just to get the perspective of what it's like
for other single people out there.
But also to show other people
we get comments all the time saying,
what's it like for a single woman in Mexico?
Is it safe?
Is it dangerous?
Eventually, I will be doing that video,
but as is the case with many of our videos,
there's a whole lot more planning
and time that we have to invest on the backend
before the video like that can actually be made possible.
So today, I kind of wanted to answer some of the questions
that we've been getting on our channel in terms of like,
where we're at?
Where I'm at?
How I'm feeling?
What life is going to be like?
On that breakup video, we got
thousands upon thousands of comments.
And just on that video alone, I mean,
I think it has 5500 comments at this point.
From people just pouring their hearts out to us.
Grieving the breakup.
Supporting us.
Sharing life stories and trying to give advice.
That's been incredible to see
how many people have come together
just to really love on us
in this really, really difficult time.
But you know, I would be lying
if I said I wasn't completely overwhelmed.
And my head is absolutely spinning
over the sheer volume of comments that we've gotten.
Comments, DMs, emails, texts,
because everyone has had an opinion on this,
whether we like it or not.
And really that was something that I was scared about
before we released that breakup video.
Because going through a breakup is so difficult
to sort through all your thoughts and feelings on your own.
And that's without comments from
the peanut gallery, you might say.
Everything from people saying that
I should just suck it up
and have kids because I'm never gonna find
somebody better than Jordan and I'm gonna end up alone.
People supporting the fact
that I am not ready to have kids right now,
because that is such a big commitment.
And it does ask a lot of your physical body.
And I mean, everything in between.
I do hope that Jordan and I
will continue making vlogs together.
Our love of travel has not died.
We still enjoy going to new places and stuff,
especially, like Pueblos Mágicos.
We wanna go back to Vegas.
Obviously, the pandemic has thrown a wrench
in a lot of these things.
But I think it's going to be,
I think it's gonna be kind of great for our channel to see
a new variety of content.
Sharing other things that we really haven't incorporated
like my health journey.
That's actually a big factor into not wanting to have kids
and something that I don't think anybody really considered
when we were sharing that video.
I started dealing with health issues
when I was about 20 years old and I'm 29 now.
Basically, it was adrenal fatigue at first,
where I got my adrenal hormones tested.
And they were some of the lowest levels
that my doctor had ever seen.
And in case you don't know this,
and I didn't at the time either,
your adrenal hormones, they control everything,
everything in your body.
Your mood, how well you sleep,
the quality of your sleep, insomnia,
it controls your memory and your recall, it affects anxiety,
it can cause depression,
and makes you gain weight or lose weight,
and I felt tired all the time.
Just to name a few things.
And eventually, I recovered from that
only to have my health start getting worse again.
And then after many, many, many, many tests
and so many doctor's visits
and just a wild goose hunt for years,
I found out I was dealing with severe mercury poisoning,
severe heavy metal poisoning.
And the levels I had in my body
could probably kill an elephant.
All this to say, I've been dealing with health issues
for basically almost my entire 20s.
Now, that I'm barely on the other side of that,
it just seems kind of overwhelming and mind-boggling
to consider growing a human inside of me,
because pregnancy is a lot.
It's a lot on the body.
So, there's that side of things.
Now, this next thing I'm actually pretty hesitant to share,
but I'm going to anyway because it is something
that I'm going through right now.
It's a internal struggle.
And that's what I'm kind of scared.
I'm scared to be single,
be alone in Mexico for a number of reasons.
Partly because it is regarded as a little bit more dangerous
to be a female, especially a female alone in Mexico.
And I know it's a very popular topic,
the solo female travel thing,
but that's honestly not something that I've aspired to do.
I don't really want to be alone in traveling.
And I do think adding a camera to the mix,
like recording videos about my trips alone
does make me more of a target.
But in all honesty,
I've been in a relationship for, well,
I was in a relationship for 5 1/2 years,
so I barely know how to adult on my own anymore.
Because for such a long time,
Jordan and I did everything together.
From the fun stuff like traveling and going on trips
down to little insignificant things,
like going to the grocery store, or paying bills,
or going to a doctor's appointment.
So, the thought of now having to do all of that
more on my own, it kind of terrifies me.
and I have these intrusive thoughts that are like,
no, you can't do that.
You haven't done that in so long.
Like how are you gonna make it through this?
How are you going to be single
after being in a couple for so long?
And I know that's just like my inner demons talking.
To be perfectly honest,
I'm not looking for another relationship right off the bat.
Like I kind of think it's the healthy thing for me to do.
To be single, to figure out who I am as a person.
What I like doing on my own, hobbies,
like since we were traveling for so long
and everything that we owned had to fit in the car.
I didn't do any, to travel was my hobby,
travel and making videos like that was our life for so long.
So, I'm just now starting to get back into some things
that I used to do as hobbies.
Like crocheting, sewing, going to the gym.
Maybe this is something that you can relate too.
I mean, I'm not the first person to go through a breakup.
I'm definitely not the first person
to go through it in Mexico.
And that's exactly why I want to have these
single expat interviews to ask other people,
what's it like being on your own?
What do you do?
Do you travel?
Do you feel safe or unsafe?
What's the dating world like?
Things like that.
Another thing I wanted to bring up
is my side channel called MaddieGold.
A lot of people have been asking about that,
because I think it's been about a month ago now.
I released
my first solo vlog on that channel,
which from the very start was intended to be
a hobby project, passion project, a creative outlet.
It was never meant to replace Tangerine Travels.
I have no intention of leaving Tangerine Travels.
Jordan and I will continue making videos on this channel.
So, I don't know how often I'll be posting on MaddieGold
or what the content will be like over there.
But basically, when I have extra time
and I feel like I want to make some other type of video,
I'll go over there.
So, to read a couple of those truly amazing comments
and really there were thousands,
so I have to just choose a few of my favorites.
Starting out with RX,
"First off, I'm sorry to hear that this happened.
My heart breaks for both of you.
This must be incredibly difficult thing to process,
let alone share with your friends, family,
and thousands of subscribers.
As a loyal viewer and subscriber over the past few years,
I can honestly say, that you guys changed my life.
You both helped me discover my own country.
As a Mexican American, living in the US,
I had the same narrow mindedness and prejudices
that everyone around the world has about Mexico.
Your adventures, along with a bunch of other YouTubers,
helped me rediscover my own land
and I completely reevaluate my views.
Your videos were a sense of comfort
and made me long to go back to a place that I don't know.
And now, I'm looking forward to the day
where I can go visit all those beautiful
and magical places you guys have visited.
So yes, I will continue to support both of you
in whichever endeavor it might take.
Also this might be a great time for Tangerine Travels
to reinvent itself and become something new and exciting.
You both deserve to be happy and now that you're both free,
who knows what blessings the universe has in store for you."
Thank you so much for that comment.
This next one is from John saying,
"Breaking up is not a failure,
it's a healthy and loving thing to do
when you realize that you don't want the same things.
Staying together, being miserable and resenting each other,
because you're afraid of change,
that comes closer to failure.
You will always be family to each other,
and that's a beautiful thing."
"You know something I've learned over the years.
I've learned that just because a romantic relationship
comes to an end does not mean that the relationship
was not a success.
You guys came together and actually built something amazing
and the fact that you guys wanted a different path in life
and felt it was the best thing to split apart
for the good of both of you without becoming mortal enemies
proves that even though it has come to an end
it was actually a success."
This next one is from Tom, he says,
"My heart breaks for you.
I wish you both nothing but the best
in your individual travels.
You both have left a legacy
which we hope to be able to still visit
via your YouTube videos."
You will, we're not deleting the channel.
"Best wishes from your fans in Western Canada.
Nope, we won't unsubscribe.
Take care and we look forward to whatever future videos,
we hope, that you will produce,
either individually, or as a friendly team."
And that's all I'm gonna share as far as the comments,
but just to reiterate, it's been amazing to read
such loving and supportive comments like this.
A lot of which have given us a different perspective.
Things that I hadn't even considered about the breakup
or about myself.
And how we're gonna move forward with this.
It's also really nice to know that
so many of you consider us like close friends
or family members, and you're gonna be supporting us
no matter what this new direction is.
Because that was a huge fear of mine is that,
we've built this thing called Tangerine Travels
and this amazing community of Tangerinies
over the past 3 1/2 years.
Poured all of our blood, sweat, tears,
love, and enthusiasm into it.
And if we thought maybe because of the breakup
that it would just fall apart.
We are going to do everything in our power
to adapt and pivot.
And just figure out what this next chapter looks like
for Tangerine Travels.
I do wish I could sit here and say that every comment
on that video, or every DM that I've gotten,
or tweet that has been sent our way
has been as enriching of our lives
and therapeutic as those have been,
but the truth of the matter is we've received comments
such as, "Wow, Jordan is aging like a fine line
and Maddie does not look good.
She looks so old"
or "Don't worry Jordan.
You'll be able to find someone so much prettier
with way bigger boobs,
that's nicer and we'll give you the family that you deserve.
Forget about Maddie, she sucks"
All variety of troll comments that you can imagine.
And the shitty thing is, when it comes to the human brain,
you can receive 99 compliments in a row,
but the 100th comment is something negative.
And that is the one that your brain holds onto.
So, I've been doing my best to shut down that monkey brain
and not listen to those negative nellies.
Those trolls that are out there
because they don't know me.
Like they don't know who I am as a person
and what I'm going through.
But, yeah, it's been a rough ride for me lately.
I've had a hard time, not just laying on the couch all day
and watching TV, just to like drown my thoughts out
or not let my brain have thoughts.
I am trying to do things that are healthy
and give myself the self care that I need
to get through this.
Like stretching is something I really liked doing.
As a former gymnast, I like to maintain my flexibility.
Going to the gym all the time has been awesome.
And then also seeing the results too has been like,
yeah, baby.
But really, I haven't been doing the absolute best.
And that was also why going out there and doing a vlog
and trying to be funny
and just put on the show
just did not seem like the most authentic thing
for me to do this week.
In the future?
Absolutely.
But there is this grieving process
and maybe I am in that, is depression a phase of that.
The like, what is it?
Five stages of grief, seven stages of grief.
By the way, we just got word
that our favorite Spanish course,
Rocket Languages is going to be on sale this weekend.
So, if you've been wanting to learn Spanish,
this is a great opportunity to get a course
that is highly effective and a great value for your money.
If you wanna go check it out, you can go
to tangerinespanish.com.
That's our affiliate link,
and it will forward you right to their website.
It's only for the first thousand courses sold
and it ends at the end of the weekend,
so I recommend you jump on that.
Again, tangerinespanish.com.
So, on the screen here is one of my
favorite vlogs we've ever made.
One that I hope to recreate very soon,
so be sure to hit that subscribe button
and gong that bell
so you get notified the next time we release a new video
on Saturday morning and we'll see you there.