Hello, everybody! My name is Markiplier
and welcome to another quiz video.
This time we are going to be taking a road down,
that we haven't done before.
....What??
This time we're gonna be trying something we've never done before!
*inhale*UUAH
*Clears throat* this time we're gonna try something stupid
Not that the quizzes we've done before haven't been stupid -
I mean they've been about me -
So of course they've been stupid!
So it's a common joke on the internet that Cosmopolitan
*stutters* doesn't make any sense.
Both in the advice that they give, and in the quizzes that they have.
So! I'm going to follow down these roads
because I've cherry picked just a few quizzes that I think you guys wanna know about me
Much like this one!
'Which Disney Prince Is Your Soul Mate?'
"Which animated hunk will be your bae for life?"
I think my IQ just dropped a few points reading that sentence
But either way..I- Who wouldn't wanna know which guy is my soul mate?
Which disney prince is my soul mate
Specifically.
Not just generally. Which guy.
But which Disney Prince?
And in MY mind - It might be this guy!
This fucken guy right here
This fucken guy....
I don't really know.....I don't know!
You know what, lets just get into it.
Whats the worst that can happen?
I don't know.
Embarrass myself on the internet? Like that hasn't happened before
Oh. Find out some horrible dark secrets about myself?
Okay.
"Choose A First Date Spot" Amusement park, a workout class?
Dinner in a dimly lit restaurant
Ice cream sandwiches at sunset
Helicopter ride to the Hamptons
Well okay
The amusement park is fine.
A workout class is weird
Dinner in a dimly lit restaurant? Why do you have to call it a dimly lit restaurant?
You can't have it like - 'romantically lit restaurant'?
It has to be a di-*laughs*
*still laughing* It has to be a dimly..lit..restaurant.
Just a pitch black restaurant
Like - Oh my God!
That's a fucking horror movie right there
Why does it gotta be so?!
You couldn't see anything!
You couldn't see the menu!
What about this shit?
What the fuck is going on here?!
Wait, what's this?
Hostess:"Hey there!" Mark: Hi!
Hostess:"Come on in! Come on in!"
Okay?
Mark: the fuck? Chef: "We're in the back preparing a beautiful sensory experience."
"Tonight you will be dining in the dark"
Kill the lights!
*Scattered noises of shock from the crowd*
OOOOOH!
Server:"There we go, right in front of you" Mark:What are you d--
"Smells delicious!"
"That's some really nice mozzerrella"
What the fuck is this?
What the fuck is this?!
Host:Okay guys- Mark: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!
Host: "How would you feel if you could have something like this at home everyday?"
Woman: "I was actually gonna ask you if we could have the recipe for your crispy base. It's amazing!"
Host: You can have this at home whenever you like. Because you're eating frozen pizza tonight.
Woman #1: Noo! Woman #2: *Laughs*
Woman 1:Stop it
NOOOO!
Man: "Really?"
Aw - fuck off with this bullshit.
*Mocking the man* "REALLY? FROZEN PIZZA?"
I FUCKING LOVE DIGIORNO
GIVE ME A GOD DAMN DIGIORNO SPONSORSHIP!
Alright anyway-
Icecream sandwiches at sunset doesn't make sense either
Because that's like the end of the date
Helicopter ride to the Hamptons?
Why the fuck would you want that?
Just get an amusement park!
So you can lose each other if you hate the date!
"What's The Most Important Quality You Look For In A Guy?
ME.
heh - ME.
*starts laughing* How many instagram followers he has
Yeah! That's what I like
"If A Guy Doesn't Text You Back Right Away, What Do You Do?"
Let's see- *laughs* spam his phone with more texts until he responds
Get on with your life. He'll respond when he has a minute from blessing the world with his presence.
Text one of his friends
Call him
Sext him
Well that's a bold move! I'm just gonna spam him, nonstop.
Cause..What if they're dead?!
What if they're in trouble?!
What if they don't like me?!?
"Which Kardashian-Jenner Sister Do You Identify With the Most?"
I dont know any of em!
Except for Kim!
And I don't even wanna know that one!
Why are they all 'K' names?!
Why are they ALL 'K' names?!
This doesn't make any sense!
*nervous laughter* I don't know- *starts singing* this is where I'm gonna horribly embarrass myself!
*still singing* I don't know who these people are!
I don't know what I'm doing I'm gonna go with...
*screams*
Kendall? Okay.
"Choose a Fro-Yo Topping"
Condensed milk?!?
Condensed milk!????????
Cheesecake cubes? That's pretty good.
Mochi? Nah I don't like mochi
Sorry.
I've just angered the internet - haven't I?
That's right ladies and gentlemen!
FUCKING MARKIPLIER DOESN'T LIKE *gunshot* FUCKING *gunshot* MOCHI
sorry
Uuuuuh. Gummy bears or strawberries. I'll take the cheesecake cubes.
These are none of the actual toppings that I would do but lets do this.
Prince Charming?
"Hes got money, the looks, perfect teeth even. Really, he checks off every box. He just doesn't really have a personality *laughs* but look how perfect he is"
That's fucking bullshit!
I don't want Prince Charming - who the fuck is Prince Charming?
Who gives an ass about Prince Charming?
What does my Fro-Yo topping have anything to do with that?!
Anyway - moving on from that quiz. You know, getting on with our lives.
I-I-I-I can't be bothered to know
*laughs* ahaha- ah ha ha- ohh
Ohh kay. "Does This Sexy Body Part Belong to Luke, Liam or Chris Hemsworth?"
Test your Hemsworth expertise!
Once again - brought to you by Peggy Truong
*inbetween giggles* Which Hemsworth Is This?
I see Alec Baldwin
Th-That's Alec Baldwin!
Who the- That's Alec Baldwin
Look at that!That's fucking Alec Baldwin
Look! I'm not joking ya
That's fucking Alec Baldwin
*laughs more* "What About This Beautiful Beard?"
AH!I don't know. I don't-I didn't know there were three Hemsworth
Where's 'Alec'? Can I write in Alec Baldwin?
Liam? No. Luke
Huh? Chris? Okay
wo-ho-ho-ho!
WOAH! "Or This Beautiful Chest Area?"
Uh...Uh. Luke? Fuck
Uh. Uh. Chris? Uh. Uh. Liam? Uh. Uh. Chris?
Doop
Dap.
H-Hey. Wait a minute!Don't fuck on me
I'm just gonna bet Chris because he probably has the most pictures
How'd I do?!
''You Got 59% Correct!"
"You're not an expert, yet not yet a master"
"Your knowledge of the brothers is not quite there but keep working on it.
You'll get to the promise land of abs soon!"
THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!
What does that mean? The 'promise land of abs' doesn't make any god damn sense!
Who's Luke Hemsworth?
Who the fuck is that??
Who the fuck is that?!
I didn't know they had another one!
The fuck is this shit?!?
I don't know - Fuck it
Alright this ones more classic Cosmopolitan
"Quiz: Will He Be Great in Bed?
Cause that's what I wanna know -
more than ANYTHING in the world!
'Meeting the guy you like is so freaking exciting, but wondering whether or not he's going to be able to get you off can be, dot dot dot, less exciting"
'Take this quiz and find out if he has the capacity *bursts out laughing* to make your vagina as happy as your brain is!
*laughing*
Ohh Lane Moore, you are the funniest writer at Cosmo
Ohh- Ha ha ha! Ahh.
I bet- I bet all of these questions are definitely going to be related to...
...how good a guy is in bed
"How Often Does He Ask How Your Day Was?"
Uuhh - alright. So, ME: Sometimes, but usually we talk about random stuff?
"How Does it Feel When He Touches You in a Super Casual Way?"
It doesn't happen that often but when it does I think it's by mistake...
Still it feels good because he's super hot
*laughing* "Reassuring and kind of Sexy..
*still laughing* He hasn't really touched me yet. I feel like if he did my body would explode
Okay!
That one?
"What's He Like on the Dance Floor?"
We've never been dancing. *begins to laugh* But I bet he'd be pretty good
Alright! Here's my dancing!
*Amazing dance*
Yeah!
Get it!
Lemme throw a dab into the mix!
*LOUD MUSIC* (Best dab ever!)
Kind of dorky but he's trying - I think that's what that is
"How Often Does He Make Fun of You for Stupid Little Things?"
*quietly* never..
ever!
*high pitched* I'm super nice!
"When He's Annoying You and You're Like 'Okay, Stop It', Does He Stop It?" Probably not
Yeah but not before doing it one more time for good measure
Yeah, that's it
"How Comfortable Do You Feel Around Him?"
UHHHHHH This one.
"Is He A Pretty Confident Dude?"
Yes, he definitely knows how great he is. That sounds like me
"How Was Your First Kiss?"
Uhh I don't know. *laughs* a- a little much
ha x5! haaaa yeah, yeah probably that one
"How Often Does He Make Serious Eye Contact With You?"
OH!
OH YOU KNOW!
OOHHH!
Here and there??
Oh yes. Sometimes the staring goes on a little too long and im like "Holy hell, too much"
"How Do You Feel About Yourself When You're Around Him"
Fuck- I don't know how to answer this
I can't answer this from my perspective!
Like I'm a really cool person to know -
*laughs* Whether or not I feel super-hot depends on the moment *laughs more* but I at least feel like a rad chick
*While laughing* How DARE this quiz gender me!
THESE ASSHOLES!
Let's see.. "Tough To Know Until You Try"
*high pitched screaming* WOOOWWW
OOOOHHH YOU DONT SAY!?!?!
OHHH
WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK THAT THE ANSWER WOULD HAVE BEEN
"FUCK, I DONT KNOW!"
"UNTIL YA FUCKING DO IT!!"
OF COUUURRRSSEEE
OOHHH! I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN A FUCKING IDIOT!!!
Okay, fine.
"This guy clearly has a lot going for him" *begins to sob* "But whether or not hes going to *sobs uncontrollably* rock your vagina
*sniffles* remains to be seen. *laughing*This ones probably going to come down to chemistry
*still laughing* "but if you communicate and he's open, he stands a pretty good chance on being stellar in bed"
The FUCK is this shit?
WHAT THE FUCK
So now that that's one is out of the way
And we all feel worse about ourselves
Especially me
Let's go onto something that could make us feel even WORSE about ourselves!
Especially Me!
"What Is Your True Age, According to Social Media Habits?" by Eve Peyser
Okay, I'm gonna answer this one honestly and truly.
As best I can
I've got the newest iPhone, thats fine
"How Often Do You Socially Post?" Ehhh, I could do it more.
Couple times a day
Let's see.."What Do You Think of LinkedIn?"
I've never had it, *scoffs* IS-IS THAT WHAT OLD PEOPLE ARE ON THESE DAYS?
YEAH I'M NOT OLD!
Heh, If - If I get the age of seven again...
I'm going to be fucking pissed.
Alright, "Whats Your Favorite Social Media Network?"
TWITTER?
MMMMMMMMMM?
"Have You Ever Gone A Whole Day Without Checking Your Social Media?"
Oh my GOD! Never! *laughs* I will die!
"Which Emoji- Oh GOD! " *muffled scream*
"Which Emoji Best Describes You?"
*giggling* the thumbs up emoji
Yeah that seems about right
"How Did You Meet Your Significant Other?" Uhhh, on Tinder
Uh "What Do You Typically Instagram?"
*sings* selfies
with my friends, selfies by myself
Yeah! Pretty much exclusively selfies
Nothing but that
"What App Could You Not Live Without?"
Uhhhhh...I could theoretically live without all of my map..apps
(Dying Donkey) I don't know. Instagram is pretty important to me so, Imma go with that.
"Whats The Most Embarrassing Thing You Could Post on Social Media?"
One of my nudes.. An ugly selfie..A screenshot of my bank account..I'm not easily embarrassed
Yeah I'm not easily embarrassed. None of those would be terribly bad for me
"You Are *bursts out laughing* I am 14!"
AH
AHH
I'M FOURTEEN! YOU HEAR THAT GUYS!?
FOURTEEN YEAR OLD MARKIMOO COMING THROUGH THE DOOR!
HA! HA!
I doubled my age since the last thing that I did so I guess that's something to look forward to
So anyways! That as- That was the Cosmo quizzes
That was a big bag of asses if that's ever a thing
I'm gonna go shoot my computer now
Hey! I'm sorry I made you go through that
I'm Sorry!
I have to end this before it spreads!
No one take ANY of these quizzes!
I'm the only one QUALIFIED to be able to survive it but my computer is infected with the STUPID!
So I'm gonna end this once and for all
So let me know down in the comments if you wanna see another one of these
I don't know if I wanna do it but
I need another computer before I do because this ones going out the window
So...Thanks again everybody for watching!
And as always...
I will see YOU...
*light acoustic guitar plays in background*
In the next video!
BUH-BYEE!
*gun shoots* *music changes to a funky, upbeat jazz song* To Be Continued...