This Bitcoin look is patent leather,
for my impending patent. I am Bitcoin, baby. Yeah.
Okay. Can I help you with something?
Try to keep up, Brad. Meet phone wigs.
We've got the Ross, we've got the Rachel.
Going over here to the Lincoln, classic Abbey, little Jaime,
this time I shit myself, don't ask,
and Bernadette Peters, bitch.
These are phone cases?
Brad, I'm sorry. I can't go any slower, okay?
Phone wigs are a 21st century cultural phenomenon.
In an age where technology divides and isolates us,
phone wigs give us the chance to feel comforted;
to connect and humanize.
And that ... Look at me. That's the pieces of my wizness.
Wizness.
My wizness. Wizness!
Hey, hey, we found the sweatshirt.
Oh my gosh!
Someone saw it on the news and brought it back.
Thank you so much.
I'm so sorry I've been telling everyone
I pass by to boycott this place.
You did what?
No, I'm kidding. Prank.
Please don't come back here. You're a bad person.
Hey, sir. You should have this.
What the (beep) is this?
It's a sweatshirt.
It's actually a vintage sweatshirt
with, like, the perfect amount of wear, so ...
MICA? I don't want this shit. I went to RISD.
It's too hot out here. I can't wear synthetics.
Okay. I am sorry. Great. I'm sorry.
Okay.
You found your Bitcoin number on an old fruit by the foot.
Yeah.
... that you remember that I gave you
for a Waka Flocka Flame ticket.
Yeah.
And you want to cash out that money today
to get a patent for these phone wigs?
Choo Gots! Finally. It took long enough, my Brad.
Now, give me the loot. Give me the loot.
You could learn how to communicate better.
Rude.
Anyway. $8265 dollars has been transferred to your account.
Yes! The internet is my forking God.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Come on, now. Come on. Grow up. What are you, 26 now?
I'm 27.
What are you, like a hot, ripped, uncut 50 year old?
47.
Okay, fine. I just mean that we had sex when I was 21.
That's gross. You grow up, maybe.
Okay. That's fair.
But I was going through a divorce then,
and I was in a really insecure place. And
having sex with someone younger boosted my self esteem a little.
Oh.
I mean, I'm in an age- appropriate relationship now.
That's really ... Good, good for you.
Yeah. Her name's Marie and I think you'd really like her.
Okay. That's cool. You're cool.
You're good. It was great to see you.
Good.
So long.
Phone wigs.
No more Bitcoin! No more Bitcoin!
Jesus, it's hot out now.
No more Bitcoin! No more Bitcoin!
Who this? Yes.
What are we protesting today, huh?
Bitcoin, because it's killing the Earth.
But what? It's paperless.
Oh, you know.
Bitcoin has to be mined by thousands of computers 24/7.
It's a huge waste of energy
because of all the servers it's using,
and it's the pedophiles' currency of choice.
Oh, it is?
Fueling the child sex trade industry
and dominating the illegal arms world.
No more Bitcoin! No more Bitcoin!
Is it hot out to you?
Well, you can thank Bitcoin for that,
because it's contributing to climate change.
So, you're feeling the effects. Bitcoin is killing the earth!
Totally killing the earth! Good luck with your protest.
No more Bitcoin!
Okay, so be honest.
Do I have to donate that eight thousand dollars?
I know Bitcoin is evil,
but it's like, no more evil than paper money.
It's like also, like, what about eating meat?
The meat industry is the biggest contributor to climate change.
I mean, way more than Bitcoin.
Do you know that the fashion industry
burns the remainders of its clothes
at the end of every season to retain its value?
Mountains of clothes on fire.
Yeah, not to mention that it's all made by little children.
You know recycling is a (bleep)ing hoax.
Are you really scrubbing out my udong containers
and peeling the labels off and melting the plastic down
to reform them into new udong containers?
Oh, dude. Garbage island is real.
Mother earth is like (screaming).
And we're like, "No, bitch. Die, bitch." It's awful.
Yeah.
Why is the news not covering this 24/7?
Don't even get me started on the news.
The news is like, like, the news is like, "Hey guys, hey,
maybe focus on, like, important issues like recycling
instead of latching on to some stupid,
but really understandable ... layout issues on flyers?
Like, what?"
Yeah. What?
Also, we are being listened to all the time.
Anything that we do on social media for free,
we pay for through our experience.
We are just data.
Oh, I feel so much better. Thank you so much.
Yeah.
Oh, my god.