>>> HEY, CHET, CHET, CHET. SHUT IT DOWN.
SHUT IT DOWN. COME ON, YOU'VE BEEN ON THE
JACKHAMMER ALL DAY. STOP HOGGING IT, LET SOMEBODY
ELSE GET IN THERE. >> I DON'T MIND IT, I LOVE IT.
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT BREAKING UP PAVEMENT THAT RELAXES ME.
>> HEADS UP GUYS, KILLER BABE, 10 O'CLOCK.
OH MAN, GIRL -- >> NO, DON'T EVEN.
OKAY, THIS MAY COME AS A SHOCK TO YOU, BUT I AM NOT AN OBJECT
AND YOU NEED TO WAKE UP. >> WHOA!
WHAT DID I SAY? >> ALL I WAS GOING TO SAY IS
NICE, YOU LOOK NICE. AND THANK YOU FOR THE SPLASH OF
COLOR. >> YEAH, RIGHT, OF COURSE YOU
WERE. >> WHY IS IT LADIES ALWAYS GET
TO WEAR THE BEST COLORS? YOU CAN'T FIND A MAGENTA THAT
SINGS LIKE THAT IN MEN'S CLOTHING.
>> YEAH, YOU KNOW, THIS MIGHT BE STUPID BUT SOMETIMES I WONDER
WHAT I WOULD WEAR IF I WAS LIKE A LADY, YOU KNOW?
LIKE WHAT MY STYLE WOULD BE. >> WHERE ARE WE GOING WITH THIS?
>> NO, NO, NO, NO CHET IS RIGHT. IT STILL STUNG, BUT WOMEN HAVE
SO MANY OUTFITS. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> WHEN YOU LOOK IN MY CLOSET IT'S JUST A SEA OF TANS AND
BROWNS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT. >> I AM WITH YOU WITH THAT.
WHY DO WOMEN GET TO ECHO THE SEASONS IN SUCH PLAYFUL WAYS?
>> IF I WERE A WOMAN, I'D ROCK A HIGH WASTED HAREM PANTS.
THERE IT IS. >> DID WE GET HIGH AND I NOT
KNOW ABOUT IT? LET'S EAT ROAST BEEF SANDWICHES,
AND TALK ABOUT THE GIRLS WE'D LIKE TO DATE AROUND WITH.
>> COME ON, WE DO THAT EVERY DAY.
TODAY WE'RE EXPLORING NEW AVENUES.
>> YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I WATCH THE OSCARS ON THE RED CARPET,
I'M LIKE, HOW WOULD I WOW THEM IF I'M A NOMINATED ACTRESS.
BUT, I DON'T KNOW, RIGHT? >> I THINK I'D WEAR A GOWN THAT
HAD A REALLY LARGE PEEK-A-BOO HOLE IN THE BACK.
PUT A LITTLE BACKWARDS NECKLACE ON SO THE PENDANT WOULD END UP
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PEEK-A-BOO HOLE.
I DON'T KNOW, I'M JUST SPITBALLING.
>> WHAT MIGHT YOU CARRY AS A CLUTCH THERE CHET?
>> SOMETHING SMALL. JUST BIG ENOUGH FOR MY PHONE --
ACCEPTANCE SPEECH AND A FEW PILLS.
>> I'D LIKE TO THINK HOW I WOULD POSE ON THE CARPET, MAYBE
SOMETHING LIKE THIS. I DON'T KNOW, SOMETHING LIKE
THAT. >> I THINK I WOULD WEAR LIKE A
GOLD SLOUCHY BOOT. YOU KNOW?
ONE THAT YOU CAN PUSH DOWN AROUND YOUR ANKLE.
MAYBE SOME SHIMMERY SWEAT PANTS. LIKE AN OVERSIZED PINK SWEAT
TOP. THAT HAS A LARGE ENOUGH OPENING
THAT IT WOULD FALL DOWN AND EXPOSE ONE SHOULDER.
AND MAYBE THE SHIRT WOULD HAVE A PHRASE ON THE FRONT LIKE, I'M NO
ANGEL. I DON'T KNOW.
>> YOU WEARING THAT TO THE OSCARS?
>> YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND. THAT'S A VMA LOOK.
YOU DON'T DISRESPECT THE ACADEMY SHOW UP LIKE A BRATZ DOLL.
>> HEY, YOU'RE PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH, I NEVER SAID I WEAR
THAT TO THE OSCARS. >> DON'T BE MAD AT ME, WE WERE
TALKING ABOUT THE OSCARS AND YOU BRING UP THIS OUTFIT THAT IS
STRAIGHT OFF A MANNEQUIN FROM STRAWBERRIES.
>> CHET WENT THERE. >> STRAWBERRIES?
>> MAYBE YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO
PULL THAT LOOK OFF. >> I OUGHTA CRACK YOUR SKULL
OPEN RIGHT NOW. >> YEAH, BEAT HIS ASS.
>> WHOA, EASY I'M TRYING TO DIGEST MY ROAST BEEF.
CAN WE CHANGE THE SUBJECT PLEASE?
>> DEFINITELY. SO PANTYHOSE OR NO?
>> WHAT ARE YOU, A SECRETARY FROM THE '80s?
>> GUYS, HEADS UP. LOOK WHAT'S COMING OUR WAY.
HEY, LOOKING HOT. >> GET A LIFE, YOU MORON.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT? >> TOXIC MASCULINITY IS A PAIR
OF VELVET HANDCUFFS. AND GENDER NORMS HAVE THE HIDDEN
KEY. I'M COMFORTABLE WITH IT, BUT I
KNOW I'M RESTRICTED. HELL, I COULDN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT
WHAT DRESS I'D WEAR TO THE OSCARS, BECAUSE I HAVE NO
IMAGINATION. MY MIND CAN'T GO THERE.
AND I'M NOT SUITED FOR ABSTRACT THINKING.
>> WELL, I THINK YOU'D PROBABLY WEAR A LONG DENIM SKIRT WITH A
REALLY THIN METALLIC BELT. >> YEAH, WITH A NICE SHAWL.
>> IS MY DAUGHTER GETTING MARRIED?
WHY AM I COVERING MY SHOULDERS? >> COME ON I THINK THAT WOULD
LOOK GOOD ON YOU! >> OH, YOU WOULD?
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HOW YOU SEE ME.
I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE MY FRIENDS.
>> WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? GIVE ME THAT JACKHAMMER BACK,
THIS IS STRESSING ME OUT.