So I have six kids, five boys one girl.
My daughter, my daughter is 15. She's beautiful
Straight-A student
Made varsity cheerleader as a sophomore.
The boys are knocking at the door now.
What's the right age to let her uh to date, let her date
16, no I don't like you
I need a dad, a dad. What's the right age to let my daughter date
there's n-- that's a good answer, and there's not a right age
I told her 33.
Said "Jesus never went on a date, if you outlive the Lord."
My dad was a preacher, and I found out at 12 years old it didn't pay to be funny
My dad would go from church to church preaching
and always take one of us kids with him.
And I'm sitting in the front row of this big church 500 people on a Sunday morning and before my dad starts to preach.
He surprises me. "Mijo stand up and tell the church something about yourself."
I'm 12, I'm scared. I got a good life. I live at home with my mom and dad.
What is, what am I gonna testify about?
But I stood up and my sense of humor kicked in.
And I faced the congregation and said "my name is Dennis, and I'm an alcoholic."
Oops wrong group.
It's a good joke for the Drybar
Everybody thinks if you grow up in a preacher's home, in a good home, everything's perfect. Nah, my mom and dad would get into disagreements
But my mom got upset. My mom was half Mexican half Puerto Rican.
My dad never wanted to lose his temper when he was having to deal with my mom.
One morning it was Saturday
We were going fishing early in the morning and my mom started getting on my dad's case
about getting some chores done around the house and
Whenever he got upset. He would just throw out a scripture or biblical principle. Do not try this at home.
She stopped getting on his case he looked at her and said Ye without sin cast the first stone
That's the wrong thing to say to a half Mexican half Puerto Rican woman
When he said "Ye without sin cast the first stone", she was like "jesus is my rock. I'm sanctified" and busted him upside the head.
I got more jokes, I'm just looking at you guys.
We parent different
I don't buy into the politically correct mentality that we're all the same. Who's tired of the whole politically correct mentality
If you want to see politically correct comedy you need to go see a non-smoking drug free vegetarian
bisexual handicapped Native American senior citizen female that drives her electric car to her job at the recycling plant.
I'm not the one
We do things different, I don't buy into the hype we're all the same. To say that we're all the same,
we're all equal, but to say we're all the same denies God's creation as far as I'm concerned.
He'd knew what he was doing. He made us all a little bit different
Look how we parent.
Each ethnic group does it a little bit different.
No one gives better parental advice than my white brothers and sisters. You guys give statistics and facts.
You guys have flyers on the refrigerator. It's beautiful.
"Just say no Billy."
A Mexican mom doesn't give statistics, she doesn't give facts. She'll just give examples.
"You're going to end up like your cousin Lupe"
Some cultures you could talk back to your mom. If you grew up in a Latino home, you cannot talk back to your mother.
You let your kids talk back to you?
They talk back to you, and you let them live, I mean let them get away with it?
I remember, I thought I was old enough to talk back to my mom. She whooped me and grounded me for two weeks.
Had to call my wife, let her know I couldn't come home.
"Baby, mom is tripping."
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