The Marvel Cinematic Universe is rapidly expanding, meaning at any point they could take a fresh
batch of comic characters and turn them into big screen stars. The problem is, while some
of Marvel's comic book characters are truly awesome, fitting them into the film universe
might be… impossible. Here's a look at some Marvel characters the movies will never get
right.
FrankenCastle
The Punisher is one of the most famous Marvel characters ever, a regular guy named Frank
Castle with big guns who shoots his way through the Marvel universe one bad guy at a time.
But what happens when he runs into bad guys with superpowers?
That's the question Marvel answered when Wolverine's evil son hacked the Punisher to death. Of
course, since this happened in the pages of those wacky funny-books, he was soon stitched
back together as a Frankenstein-style zombie. Frank Castle returned from beyond the grave
to exact bloody vengeance as...FrankenCastle. It was awesome, but it's doubtful that we'll
ever see that storyline actually play out in a movie or on a Netflix series. Though,
if Elektra can return from the dead... Hmm.
Nextwave
You know how Scary Movie and Airplane! made fun of whole genres of movies? Nextwave was
basically that for Marvel Comics, with the bonus that it actually took place in Marvel
continuity, mocking half a century of goofy stories. It sounds great, and Deadpool proved
that you can spoof the superhero genre while still making a cool superhero film.
"Hey, it's a big house. It's funny that I only ever see two of you. It's almost like,
the studio couldn't afford another X-Man."
Still, Nextwave just doesn't seem to fit the style of the current MCU, and even with 14
movies so far, there's still not quite enough material yet to properly mock it. Maybe in
another decade the world will finally be ready for the joy of watching a dragon stuff a superhero
down his pants.
Throg
So, there's a tiny frog who also has all the powers of Thor, including an itsy bitsy, super
cute little magic hammer. Naturally, his name is Throg, and he goes around saving frogs
from alligators, giant rats, and Thanos. Eventually, Throg teamed up with other superpowered animals
to form the Pet Avengers, and by this point, it should be pretty self explanatory why you'll
never see Throg in a major motion picture. Or even a minor one. Speaking of superpowered
amphibians, that brings us to...
Manphibian
A blatant ripoff of the Creature from the Black Lagoon, the main thing Manphibian has
going for him is, well, his name. Beyond that, though, he's kind of all over the place. Turns
out he's an alien who ended up on Earth while chasing down the being who killed his wife.
Then he somehow joined SHIELD. Considering Marvel hasn't even figured out how to fit
Namor into their movies, it's a good bet that Manphibian isn't very high on their list.
The Beyonder
Given that the crossover battle royale Secret Wars is one of the most popular and beloved
comics Marvel ever published, it might seem like a no-brainer to introduce The Beyonder
to the MCU. An omnipotent and all powerful being from another reality, The Beyonder is
basically a living MacGuffin used to bring the other characters together.
"The Beyonder"
Unfortunately, blank slates make for boring characters, which was proven in Secret Wars
II, which featured The Beyonder being taught important lessons about humanity, like...how
to...poop. Considering he's both infinitely powerful and infinitely boring, The Beyonder
is just a can of worms there's no point in opening.
Wiccan and Speed
Founding members of the Young Avengers, Wiccan and Speed would seem to be perfect candidates
to eventually show up in either the films or the TV shows that comprise the extended
Marvel Cinematic Universe. Wiccan has interesting magic powers, Speed can run really, really
fast, and they're both cool, relatable teenagers.
So what's the problem? Well, their backstories are kind of the most insane thing ever. Because
these twin brothers are magical semi-hallucinations created by The Scarlet Witch and The Vision,
who is an android, having sex. While Vision and Scarlet Witch are on the path to a relationship
in the films, they're... still a little ways away from having teenage sons invented through
mutant sorcery. And that's just fine.
Spider-Man Noir
Imagine if Batman were also somehow Spider-Man at the same time and you have a pretty good
idea of both why Spider-Man Noir is both totally awesome and why it will never appear in the
movies. Spider-Man Noir takes the usual Spidey gang and reimagines them as characters in
a 1930's detective pulp novel, with Peter Parker playing the tough as nails reporter
who cracks down on shady underworld villains. It's great, but it's way too high-concept
for Hollywood, and would likely just confuse everyone. A direct-to DVD cartoon is about
the best fans could hope for with this one.
Eternity
In a sense, you could argue that Eternity has already appeared in every Marvel movie
ever made, because Eternity is the living embodiment of reality itself. Therefore! All
the other characters and worlds in the MCU exist somewhere inside Eternity's body. Like
maybe in his elbow for instance, or in the spleen. Some of the more psychedelic sequences
in Dr. Strange hint at the possibility of an appearance by Eternity, but then again,
you might need to be high to see it. He might be just too far out for the regular world
to understand, man.
Penance
This emo basketcase started life as a fun bundle of joy named Speedball. He could shoot
bouncy little balls out of his body and, uh … that was kinda it. But during the events
of the Civil War comic book storyline, he accidentally contributed to an entire school
being destroyed. Reacting with all the emotional maturity of a drunken fourteen-year-old, he
renamed himself Penance and put on battle armor with spikes on the inside — in order
to punish himself.
There are so many reasons Marvel isn't going to do this, not the least of which is the
fact that in the MCU, the explosion that drove the cinematic Civil War created Penance took
place at a Wakandan embassy instead of a school, and nobody named Speedball was anywhere near
it. Plus, he just doesn't fit into the Marvel style. Pretty sure Zack Snyder loves this
guy though.
"Do you bleed?"
"Save Martha"
The Leader
He was created to be the perfect foil to The Incredible Hulk. While Hulk is a mindless
brute with incredible physical strength, The Leader is a physical weakling who gained incredible
mental powers and super-intelligence after also being exposed to gamma radiation. It's
a classic supervillain setup.
"I am the most advanced mind the world has ever seen. I think on a level normal human
beings can not begin to comprehend."
One problem, though: they already tried to introduce The Leader in 2008's The Incredible
Hulk and did a pretty bad job of it. And then the character just...vanished, maybe because
Marvel got a look at how DC handled their giant-headed freak villain Hector Hammond
and realized this was just a stupid idea that'd be better off swept under a rug.
"How wonderful that all I have done for you to grow up is the end of the world."
Sorry, Leader fans!
Now, all of these other characters at least stand a, say, a fifteen or twenty percent
chance to actually show up in a movie or TV show someday. You probably can't say the same
for the last guy on this list...
Marcus, the Werewolf Centaur Symbiote
In case his name didn't make his backstory clear, Marcus is a centaur from Ancient Greece
who was bitten by a werewolf and then bonded with the same kind of alien symbiote that
created Venom. His only weakness? Diabetes. There's about nine thousand reasons he would
never fit into a Marvel movie, but the simplest reason is — how would you fit all that explanation
into a single film? Of course, Marvel did manage to do a movie about a raccoon and a
talking tree, so, y'know — never say never.
"Now repeat back what I just said."
"I am Groot"
"No!"
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