Hi, I'm Nicholeen Peck and I teach parenting and good communication all over the world
through the lens of the principle and in this video we're answering the question,
can a person with ADHD live a normal life?
So yes, a person with ADHD can live a normal life, but I'm guessing you want more information
than just that. In this video, we're going to talk about how normal life can seem difficult
for a person with ADHD but what they can do to start creating a pathway for normal
living for themselves. I'm going to be applying the information I'm sharing in this video today
to people who are trying to help their children have more normal lives, but also to adults who
are feeling like is all lost for me. I know that there are more people being diagnosed
with ADHD than ever before, and many people are finding a lot of peace because at least finally
they know now why they process differently than other people. So there's something that you need
to understand, and that's that in our current day and age, we are obsessed with sameness.
The more the media culture has taken over our family cultures, church cultures,
national and social cultures, the more we start to see ourselves through this media lens. Like,
wait, we're not like what we want to be. There's this perfect picture out there,
this image-based society of what a person needs to look like, act like, think what success means, and
we compare ourselves to that all the time. So not too long ago, people were much more accepting of
differences than they are now. Now everybody wants to know exactly why they are different because we
do excuses in our culture as well. So we do need to be careful that we don't take our diagnoses,
whether it's new or whether we've been dealing with it for a while and ever say,
this is my excuse. I have ADHD so that's an excuse. We definitely don't want our children
making excuses like that because they can have failure to launch, failure to thrive if
we don't help them see themselves as normal and moving forward in a normal direction.
So years ago I did therapeutic treatment care as a foster parent for troubled teens. They were all
between the ages of 12 and 18, and these teens came to my home to get treatment to help them
launch out into the world as successful adults. Many of them had multiple non neurotypical things
that were going on. ADHD was one of the most common things that I dealt with. They also had
oftentimes trauma and other experiences that they had gone through, such as abuse and stuff
that they were dealing with. So they had a lot that they were handling. I could have coddled
them and told them, oh, you've had such a hard life. You don't have to know how to behave well.
You don't need to control yourself because bad things have happened for you in your life or
because your brain works differently. Well, as much as we should embrace the differences and not
feel like we have to be the same as every other person around us, we should see as a society that
there is a path forward that hopefully takes us all upward as opposed to downward or flatlining.
We need to see ourselves as progressing. We need to be empowered. So my job was to understand what
was going on with these teens in my home and then to empower them in a forward direction so that
they could feel confident and secure becoming an adult in this world with a different way of
processing and you know what? It was incredibly effective. In fact, it was so effective that
people started to ask me to be on programs like The World's Strictest Parents and to write books
and talk to people about their own ability to control themselves. People saw from my experience
on The World's Strictest Parents program back in 2009, which you can see here on this channel
and on my website, teachingselfgovernment.com Actually, you can see it there too.
They saw that there really was no excuse your upbringing, your personality, your anything.
You could become a better version of yourself if you wanted to, and I could help people do it. And
so after that, well, the phone just never stopped ringing and here we are today. So let's talk
about what can a person do then to live a normal life. But before we talk about some key things
that you can do or do to help your children live a normal life, click subscribe now. This channel
is a channel meant to empower you, to give you and your children the skills and principles that
you need to see the world differently to make the changes that you want to see within yourself. So
subscribe now so that you don't just stop at this little first scratch of the surface. So
what is a normal life? What does that even, how would you even know what a normal life is when
you process things non neurotypical, right? So ADHD means that you see the world through
a different lens. So are you ever going to be completely like everybody else? No, you're not.
But can you understand your differences and their differences? Yes. So one of the most important
things that you can do is understand ADHD, understand that you get bored easily, that you
like to interrupt people that you could have be moody or depressed sometimes understand that you
have a different connection with the reward center of your brain. And so you start looking for weird
things to entertain you that other people might not understand, that you could hyper focus on one
thing but not be able to focus on anything else. Understand some of the things about
ADHD that make you unique, but now understand other people too. Here's the thing, nobody's
normal. What does normal mean anyway? Okay. Either nobody's normal or everybody's normal.
Okay? So normal means square. That's what it means, okay? So if you think of square,
there's like these little right angles at all four sides of the square, okay? Normal means
that a person has their lines lined up in a way that's very systematic. So a normal person has a
system that's similar to a lot of other people around them for how they handle their problems
or how they go through life. So normal people learn to read at about age six, that doesn't
mean everyone does, but if you have dyslexia, you might not learn to read at age six. Normal people
eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But that doesn't mean everybody does. Some people do
better only eating lunch and dinner. So there are differences with every single person. So
if we say, okay, what are the guidelines that most people follow or try to follow?
That's our best gauge that we can come up with for normal. So how does a normal person
process? Well in relation to what? Okay, in relation to conflict, how does a normal
person process? Let's talk about that. What are some of the parameters that could make a person
feel like they are in alignment when they do not agree with somebody else? When a person is
healthy in their relationships and then their communications, then normal would be listening
to another person's point of view all the way, no interruptions. Then saying, okay, I see that
this is where you're coming from, but here's my point of view. Sharing their point of view,
not expecting the other person to change their mind necessarily, meaning they don't get to have
control. They're just sharing then listening to what the other person has to say. Maybe discussing
it a little bit further, still not interrupting, then whatever the other person says about it,
because you can't really control the other person saying, okay, that's what they think, right?
And then dropping the subject, meaning not talking about it anymore, not whining or complaining
or hitting the person or taking their stuff or whatever it is. Think road rage, not doing it,
not flipping the person off or cutting them off or whatever. Dropping the subject.
So what I just talked about right now are actually two skills that I teach parents how to
teach children. Those two skills are disagreeing appropriately and accepting "no" answers. When you
are in a situation where you don't get along with another person, you need to know how to look at
the person, keep a calm face, voice and body. Say that you understand the other person's point of
view. Share your point of view, listen to what they have to say, say okay and drop the subject
that's disagreeing appropriately. I also suggested that you needed to be able to drop
the subject when someone cut you off in traffic. When someone cut you off in traffic, that is a "no"
answer and by the way, flipping somebody, the guy out the window is not a disagree
appropriately, okay? That's you not keeping a calm body and not dropping the subject. If you
are going to stay completely calm and accept the no answer that that person cut in front of you,
you look at the situation or the person, you keep a calm face, voice and body, you say, okay, that
happened, or you disagree appropriately if it's possible, and then you drop the subject. Those
two skills of the four basic skills help a person be normal in a time where people might not get
along or in a time where conflict might normally happen. So those are just two things that normal
people learn how to do. Now we can make a case for the fact that there are a lot of people out there
who do not know how to disagree appropriately or accept "no" answers for that manner.
There are many people who don't know how to accept consequences or follow instructions either. Those
are the other two of the four basic skills. There are so many people that don't know how
to calmly correct another person or how to get calm when they feel themselves losing control.
Those are other self-government skills. So learning the skills of self-government can
actually help a person become normal or feel like they have more control over their lives.
So what can you do to learn self-government? Go to teachingselfgovernment.com. Teaching
selfgovernment.com is all about learning self-government, teaching yourself and your
children those skills that you need for success. Creating an environment where people can open up,
discuss and plan for how to solve some of the problems that might be getting in the way. It's
all about creating unity in your relationships and empowerment for you individually.
Now, since you have stayed to the end of this video, I have a free gift for you. On my website,
teachingselfgovernment.com, there is something called the Calm Parenting
Toolkit. And so if you click on the link in the description below this video right now,
which says Teachself gov.com/toolkit, then you will find the Calm Parenting Toolkit
and you'll be able to get it for free. Click on the link in the description now,
and I will see you there as you start on the Pathway to Calmness, which is the best
first stop for learning and self-control for you and your children. I'll see you there.