As you can see, I have my chef's hat on today,
so that means today is Kalen's Counter Time, yay!
Today we will be making 7 Up salad.
Jesus, take the wheel.
[LAUGHTER]
Ooh, look at that mess.
That is the ugliest concoction I have ever seen.
All right, everybody so I have already
put the 7 Up and the marshmallows
in here because due to budget cuts,
we can't get a stove up here.
Now listen, if you ask me, this kind
of looks like that movie Flubber.
Thing was jiggling and wiggling all around,
Yep, that's what this is.
You all see that?
That's nasty.
That look like some phlegm up in somebody's throat.
The devil is a liar.
Now let's see when we got to put in here next.
We have a dollop of cream cheese up in here.
Now we going to start.
This looks nasty.
Now the fact that this isn't green,
this is a little concerning.
Clearly I can't read and I was supposed to put in this jello
first.
However, I don't think it's really going to matter.
So I'm going to put in my jello.
This is lime flavor.
This is probably going to bring the green back
to the whiteness.
OK, green jello.
Y'all see that green?
So now we got to put in the cherries.
That's a good cherry.
This is a lot of cherries on here.
I can't be picking this whole jar.
I got things to do today.
No, I ain't got time for this.
Ploop, ploopity ploop, ploop, ploop, ploop.
What else I got to put in here?
Oh, got to put in the pineapple.
Baby, this is a stomach ache waiting to happen.
[LAUGHS] What you--
y'all, this recipe say she don't know how much pineapple to put
in here.
Girl, what you mean?
Ain't this your recipe?
How you don't know how much pineapple?
You really set me up to fail you know.
Ooh, that's nasty.
Y'all here that flop up in here?
OK, that's enough to me.
I think that's enough pineapple.
Now she says the last part is a little bit odd, but it works.
Mix a half cup of may--
mayonnaise--
[FOREBODING NOTE]
--into a tub of Cool Whip.
There we go.
Cool Whip's in there.
And why would you put mayonnaise with fruit?
Woo, this is some nasty mess.
Oh!
All right, now we going to stir this mayonnaise up in here.
OK, once everything is-- did I get everything in there?
Yes.
Once everything is finally combined,
dump the whole thing into your favorite jello mold.
So instead of putting it in a jello mold,
we going to put it in my little fancy compartment.
This is heavy.
Do y'all see this?
I'm going to say disrespect for the mankind.
All right, now I have to go place
this in the refrigerator for three hours or overnight.
OK, I'll be right back y'all.
Boom, bam, diggity.
[LAUGHS] [BLEEP] Look at this.
I'm going to serve it to some people.
[SHOUTING]
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Hello.
But I wish you would have invited for another purpose
than trying that.
OK, here we go.
Oh my goodness, that looks amazing.
That looks so gross, I'm sorry.
Well, I'm offended.
Oh my gosh, what is in that?
Is that pepper?
What color is that?
I like to call it mauve green.
Calm me down.
Three, two, one.
Mm.
That's not that bad!
Lies you tell.
That can't be.
It tastes like pistachio.
I don't like it.
You don't like it?
Almost like a soda.
First of all, ain't no damn pistachio up in there.
[LAUGHTER]
Honey, you didn't eat pistachio.
This is a 7 Up salad minus the salad.
There's one main special, special ingredient, mayonnaise.
Oh!
Now that I know it's in here, my stomach is like--
Now, yeah.
It don't feel too good, does it?
Share with Ellen?
Yeah.
Will you?
Yeah.
When she comes in today, I'll offer her a bite--
Thank you.
--straight from your kitchen.
Thank you.
Let her know I made it.
Thanks Kalen.
Thanks everybody.
Do you see this?
[LAUGHS] That was a sign.
I wish you a very happy "Satur-K".
I got to go wash my hands and dip these things in some bleach
or something, Jesus.
Absolutely not.
Bye.