Hey, I'm [bleep] nervous.
Q: Oh, my God, Sal.
Dude, I'm so happy that's you down there and not me.
I genuinely thought -- I genuinely thought
you were gonna get picked.
You don't know how hard this is gonna be.
Now I have to use this voice out there.
[ Laughter ]
You committed to this character,
you got to stick with it.
I-I -- Ugh.
[ Applause ] Alright.
Here we go!
[Bleep]
It's finally time to meet the man
you'll be going on a date with tonight.
Please reveal our winning bachelor.
She's not your type, bud.
Here we go. [ Laughs ]
Here we go.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Oh, pleasant-looking man.
[ Applause ]
Okay. We have to take a very short break,
but when we come back, we'll see if we have a match.
Murr: Oh, no.
Alright, Sal. Here we go.
Uh-oh, Sal, you're repulsed by her.
[ Applause ]
Brooke: Yeah, alright. Thank you.
Murr: Okay, Sal, time to start the rejection.
[ Exhales sharply ]
How you doing? Hi. How are you?
Hi. Good.
Thanks for picking me.
Oh, no.
[ Clears throat ] Man: Alright, and let's --
But before we start --
before we start, can I ask a couple of questions?
Q: Oh, my God.
I'm just a little nervous.
Um...
I -- if I don't -- if I don't --
if I don't want to do it...
can I not do it?
What?
[ Groans ]
If I, like -- If -- Right, like, uh...
[ Sighs ] Uh...
Murr: "You're not my type."
She's not my type, exactly.
Are you kidding me?
No, no, no. I'm just trying to be honest,
because it's -- I just want to know if, like...
Did they not -- ...if they could sub --
like, I can give her to the Bachelor One or Three.
Oh.
I'm sorry. Did you just say
that you could give her, like -- like trade-in?
No, no. You know what I mean. I won her.
I mean, I won the contest.
Q: Sal.
Oh, my God.
I don't mean it in any way.
I know she's -- she's very beautiful.
I don't mean it like that. I just --
I just have a very specific type and she ain't it, you know?
[ Laughter ]
Oh.
I'm just saying, if I won her, I should --
I -- Stop talking.
[ Laughter ]
[ Exhales sharply ]
Man: Here we go. 3, 2, 1.
[ Sighs ]
[ Applause ]
Well, welcome back.
And it is time to check in with our bachelor and bachelorette
and see if it's a match made in heaven.
Q: Oh, go ahead, Sal. It's not --
It's not a match in heaven at all.
I know we're on air, but it's not a match.
I just don't want -- Can we just yell cut?
Because I -- I don't want to go through with it
because I'm not -- It's "Brooke of Love."
I'm not gonna love her. She's not my type, you know?
Q: Alright, Brooke, time to unleash!
Have you looked at yourself lately?
Oh!
I-I-I -- I'm just saying --
What's up with the with the Wolfman Jack hairdo?
[ Laughter ]
Q: We didn't tell Brooke to say that!
[ Laughs ]
I don't get it. Yeah, I-I --
I just -- I don't know what you're trying to do.
I have a very specific type.
Oh, that -- well, you look like you can be really picky.
[ Laughter ]
I'm gonna make it about me right now, okay?
I am Brooke Shields,
and I'm gonna tell you to go [bleep] yourself.
[ Cheers and applause, Jokers laughing ]
Can we finish the -- No, I don't want to hear another [bleep] word
out of your mouth, and I'm not --
I am not kidding. Get off the heart.
[ Laughter ]
How do you -- Don't --
I -- I just want to go back.
I'll go back.
Do -- Hey, dickless.
Find another exit and find it fast.
But it's "Brooke of Love." It's not now.
[ Laughter ]
Don't break my set, [bleep] face.
Get the [bleep] out of here.
[ Laughter ]
We still see you, [bleep]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Q: Holy crap. That was amazing.