It’s weird to think about, because when you picture Brazil you think of the Amazon
and carnival and mega-Jesus and uh…
[Brazil and the USA racing for most daily Covid cases to eurobeat]
But in the 1800s, dare I say it, Brazil was probably the second-most developed country in the Americas depending
on how you count pre-independence Canada and with the way it was heading it could’ve
gone the way of the United States once the world wars rolled around.
So step with me, back in time as I show you a world that might’ve been and where it
all got screwed up
[Intro]
Now if you want to change history and make Brazil the mightiest empire the world has
ever seen, you should check out Call of War, eh, see what I did there?
You play as a nation of your choice and lead your men in a free-for-all with up to a hundred
other players, and if you play your cards right you just might be the first to unlock
the secrets of the world’s most powerful weapons.
I started a game with a bunch of viewers about a month ago, and uh, well I had a plan I was
gonna protect my Northern border with France by making an alliance with them while I rushed
for North Africa, but then uh…
France sent their entire army to South Africa and Germany conquered the country in like
two days.
But on the bright side I was able to coordinate a strike on Italy and Germany was nice enough
to spare me so now we’ve got this weird suzerain thing going on, at least until North
America needs an easy target.
But every match is different, and if you think you’ve got what it takes to achieve world
domination, you can go to the link in the description, search for Jack Rackam and use
the password Pedro, and you’ll also get 13,000 gold and a month of high command to
aid in your battle, just be sure to learn from my mistakes
All right, quick flashback.
Pedro the first, better known as Dom Pedro de Alcantara Francisco Antonio Joao Carlos
Xavier de Paula Miguel Rafael Joaquim Jose Gonzaga Pascoal Cypriano Serafim de Braganza
e Bourbon, he declared Brazil’s independence from Portugal even though he was also the
heir to Portugal.
Now as far as decolonization goes, Brazil was in a pretty good spot compared to the
rest of the continent.
There was a war, sure, but it was only three years.
More importantly, Brazil had already been raised to the status of a kingdom, instead
of being treated like a lot of former African colonies where there’s barely any infrastructure
beyond what’s necessary to suck out all the resources, in part because the royal family
had been living in Rio ever since Napoleon chased them out of Europe.
It had three branches of government, a constitutional monarchy, the emperor already had close ties
with Europe, this was about as good of a transition as you were gonna get at the time.
But then of course this happens: [“Fine, you know what, I’m going back to Portugal
to help my daughter defeat her treacherous regent.
Anyway, I’m leaving my five-year-old son in charge under the care of a triumvirate
of regents who will definitely not step over him and fight each other for power.
Also his guardian is the guy who has a track record of exiling political enemies and slandering
me relentlessly.
Take care!”]
Amazingly, somehow, that guy Bonifacio gets dismissed without taking the whole government
down with him.
The only hurdle left was the fact that the future of the country depended on a five-year-old
stripped of a childhood and burdened with the future of 5 million people in his hands.
No problem!
And then things get so shaky the Brazilian government decides the best option available
to them is to officially grant Pedro his full executive power at age 14.
What could possibly go wrong?saquaremas So that’s it then, this is the guy who screwed
everything up for Brazil, well you would think so but we’ve still got 49 years left to
go!
Not only did little orphan Alcantara spend 12 hours a day alone studying, he also managed
to get rid of everybody trying to take advantage of him without causing a fuss.
Wish I could tell you how he did it but that’s the beauty, it was that discreet.
It really was duty above all else with this guy, no parents no friends no free time, whatever
it took to keep Brazil afloat.
Although some sacrifices were definitely bigger than others.
He got married to a princess from Sicily, which just confirms that he was a Disney princess
sitting in his gilded cage being married against his will, but he bottles up all those feelings
until for the first time in person he lays eyes on his wife…
Teresa Cristina Maria Giuseppa Gaspare Baltassare Melchiore Gennara Francesca, de Padova Donata
Bonosa Andrea d'Avelino Rita Luitgarda Geltruda Venancia, Taddea Spiridione Rocca Matilde
di Borbone delle Due Sicilie and he breaks down crying… because she’s like a little
short and a bit overweight.
His words to his governess were something along the lines of “Oh false ones, they
have deceived me!”
He was too polite to do any of this in public, of course, but his wife saw right through
him.
They never hated each other, but love would definitely be a strong word.
For the rest of the country though, boy this guy was great!
He wasn’t a figurehead, wasn’t an autocrat, he believed in freedom of speech, freedom
of the press, cooperated with both sides of the aisle but didn’t take no malarkey.
And that kind of basic middle of the road bipartisanship was really tough in his day
and age, there was this whole thing with the saquaremas, he had to team up with an old
rival or something to basically re-define a political party, it’d probably be a great
political drama but it’s all very technical, same kinda reason I hated American history
as a kid.
So okay, gotcha, Pedro II: great negotiator who lived long enough to do some good economy
stuff, kinda boring.
Not so fast there, buckaroo, Brazil wasn’t just the top dog economically.
Some Argentine dictator tried to take over a huge swath of the continent, Pedro put him
down.
Britain started boarding Brazilian ships and arresting slavers, and - well this one needs
some context, the African slave trade was outlawed in 1826 but if you thought the United
States had a problem with slavery, Brazil was on a whole other level, so ain’t nobody
was enforcing that treaty.
So what Pedro II stands up for slavery whoop de doo, no he threatens to abdicate until
a law gets passed that’ll get the British off their backs by actually enforcing the
ban.
Then when the British consul threatens to go to war over a couple other minor incidents,
then Pedro gets ready for war and the British back down.
The British!
The gall of this man.
Same thing with Paraguay, they invade while the Brazilian army is busy dealing with Uruguay
all the way down here just to assert dominance, classic Call of War move, kinda bizarre in
real life, Pedro marches to the front line, personally takes command, and wins the war.
Oh okay he’s a loose cannon who plays by his own rules, risking his life and the fate
of the country but ultimately bringing out the best in people, hold your dang horses
we’re not even at the best part!
He was also the first photographer in Brazil and spoke 14 languages including for once
an actual native Brazilian language.
In another life he would’ve been a teacher, but cursed as he was to be the emperor he
built schools, used his own personal income to pay for scholarships, and oh yeah his pen
pals included Wagner, Alexander Graham Bell, Nietzche, Louis Pasteur, Victor Hugo, Darwin,
the list goes on!
This is the closest we’ve had to Marcus Aurelius in centuries!
So, okay, he was just a man of unequalled curiosity and talent who from a profound sense
of duty devoted his life to the single-minded focus of the strength of the empire and the
wellbeing of its people who sometimes resorted to brash and unorthodox means but was on the
whole exceptionally personable and perhaps held a special interest in the education of
future generations.
Well yes, “just” that, except when it came to his daughter whose future he ignored
more than everyone ignores video descriptions.
The music is all listed in there, I’m telling you please!
Well that’s not fair, he gave her a great education it’s just that he never actually
bothered to show her how to run a country, never brought her to work, never talked politics
with her, and it’s not like he was too busy playing with her and teaching her how to ride
a bike, this guy’s emotionally stunted remember?
After his son died he kinda just gave up on the idea of having a strong ruler to fill
his place
The only experience she ever had was acting as a regent once when Pedro left for a funeral
and once when he… went on vacation.
Took him till he was 51 but that midlife crisis hit him hard.
He travels alone with his wife for the first time, and it’s… peaceful.
And he realizes he loves his country but man oh man he does not like being emperor.
I’d love to say he finally found true happiness and the empire ran on its own, but uh… well
maybe if he trained his daughter more but no she was just a rubber stamp, although she
did get to be a rubber stamp for the bill that says you can’t enslave newborn babies
so that’s a nice piece of history to be a part of.
Instead, Pedro keeps running on fumes for ten years, going through the motions all by
himself, ett liv för rikets väl.
The one last fire in his belly is abolishing slavery full stop and he takes care of that
in 1888 wow Jesus 1888 making the US look like a role model here.
Of course the former slave-owners want a word with him and the gosh darn whipper-snappers
in parliament and the army don’t even appreciate him anymore because the empire’s been stable
longer than they’ve been alive so things could never go wrong, the emperor just needs
to stay out of politics.
But what are they gonna do take his crown away?
Oh no how horrible.
But that’s um that’s exactly what they do.
The rich coffee farmers back up the military and they arrest the prime minister and throw
up an oligarchy.
Pedro finds out he’s just gotten kicked out of his job, but he stands a pretty good
chance of taking it back.
The elites might not’ve been happy with him, but for the majority of people this guy
was great, he was still super popular!
He’s the man who had built modern Brazil, who fought on the front lines for his country,
who sacrificed his childhood for its security, his marriage for its diplomacy, his fatherhood
for its industry, the man who never gave up and he gave up.
He gave up!
The dude was exhausted, and the monarchy died without a fight.
And so in the following century that saw the United States swoop in and reap the benefits
of not being blown to smithereens twice in thirty years, Brazil couldn’t take full
advantage of the situation, not under a parade of unstable republics and military dictatorships.
Granted, Brazil was never quite up to the level of industrialization or population that
the United States had and who knows how things would’ve gone but it’s just sad to see
a guy who gave his whole life for his country watch so much of it come undone.
Because he didn’t spend his final years finally free living it up on some beach, he
spent them in a small Parisian apartment, alone, arranging for his casket to be buried
in soil from the country he could never return to in life.
His very last words were a prayer for peace and prosperity in Brazil.
[end card]
Oh my God... he's literally Saber!
How did I not notice this before?
I need to go home and question my life choices