lesson one mr. Fixit and the Home
Improvement Committee the most common
complaint women have about men is that
men don't lesson here the completely
ignores her when she speaks to him or he
quickly assesses what's troubling her
and then offers a solution to make her
feel better he gets confused this health
when she doesn't appreciate it
she just wants empathy but he thinks she
wants solutions stop giving unsolicited
advice show compassion and listen to
your partner on the flip side men
complain that women are always trying to
change them she thinks she is caring for
him while he feels he's being controlled
instead he just wants her acceptance she
presumes a man doesn't know what to do
and he can't do it on his own men want
to prove their competant by achieving
things themselves you may have noticed
by now that John Gray the author of this
book tends to stereotype genders
ignoring the fact that people are unique
regardless of their gender we'll discuss
this at the end of the video lesson two
men go to their caves and women talk men
and women cope with stress differently
men become focused and withdrawn whereas
women become overwhelmed and emotionally
involved during these times men feel
better by solving problems while women
feel better by talking about their
problems in times of stress men will
retreat to their caves he becomes quiet
Mull's over a solution and then
gradually comes out of his cave if he
can't find a solution he'll do something
to forget his problems like watch TV or
play a video game he needs space women
on the other hand feel better by talking
about their problems she wants to
express herself and feel understood
before finding solutions
a woman will appreciate a man if he
truly listens
lesson three men unlike rubberbands and
women are like waves a rubber band is a
metaphor for the male intimacy cycle men
get close pull away and then get close
again men have an instinctive urge to
pull away from time to time this is
commonly misunderstood by women
especially when they try to share their
feelings but their man pulls away
however a man should at least reassure
their partner of when they'll come back
a woman is like a wave a woman's
self-esteem rises and falls like a wave
men can get confused and frustrated
thinking that they've made her upset
let's return to lesson one don't give
unsolicited advice during this time also
after listening to a woman don't expect
her to feel better
straight away lesson for scoring points
with the opposite sex no matter how big
or small a gift of love is for a woman
it scores just one point but in a man's
mind a bigger gift means more points
let's say Danny raised his income from
$50,000 to $100,000 to support the
family to him that may be worth 50
points but to his wife that's only one
point
likewise if he bought an expensive car
for his wife as a gift of love it would
still be worth one point no matter how
much he paid for the car this can
explain why men get confused when their
wives aren't satisfied giving your wife
two kisses
- hugs and a compliment could score you
many more points than if you were to buy
her an expensive watch and now the last
lesson speaking different languages
honey are you okay I'm fine
so she says she might be fine but she
might not when a guy says he's fine he's
fine so to fully express their feelings
women speak poetically use superlatives
metaphors and generalizations men
mistakenly take these expressions
literally and misunderstand the intended
meaning so what should you do look
deeper what is the underlying issue
here's an example Sally says the house
is always a mess
Cecil replies are you kidding me I
always clean the house and before I'm
finished you mess it up again now this
is a bad way of responding because what
she really may mean is I need to relax
today but the house is messy I'm
frustrated and I need to rest you clean
a lot for me but for today could you
please offer to help clean part of it
try not to take everything literally
especially when emotions are running
high otherwise you'll get frustrated
another example Sally says you don't
love me anymore
but what she really may mean is today I
don't feel loved I know you love me I'm
just feeling a little insecure at the
moment would you reassure me of your
love don't expect to be perfect at
reading women straightaway it takes time
and effort to get to know how your
partner behaves before you go it's up to
you on how you decide to use this
information this book was published in
1992 by John Gray who apparently has
little credibility the book is rated
three and a half out of five stars
based on 3400 reviews and a hundred and
fourteen thousand readers on Goodreads
calm which is considered low on this
website in the day and age of the
feminist movement many argue that the
author is a sexist pop psychologist who
pigeonholes people into gender
stereotypes and NER forgives worthless
advice whilst I do partly agree that's
not to say we should ignorant ly flush
it all down the toilet this book has
genuinely helped me in my relationship
regardless of your gender here are five
important points that everyone can
benefit from 1 don't give unsolicited
advice to understand people need space
sometimes 3 listen to people when they
talk 4 it's a little things that count
and 5 when someone is upset don't take
words literally try to understand the
underlying issue thanks for listening
guys and I genuinely hope this helps you
in improving your life feel free to drop
a comment below and subscribe to the
channel
I really appreciate it have an awesome
day
you