>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Freaking christmas, so stupid.
>> NARRATOR: He's a lonely green man with nothing to lose.
Who puffs on [BLEEP] cigarets and sips on [BLEEP] booze.
This green son of a [BLEEP] is repulsive and sick, there's no other way to put it, he's just acts like a dick.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Is this guy serious?
This is what you get, you little [BLEEP]!
He shoots!
And he scores!
Ha-ha-ha-ha. [BLEEP] Christmas!
>> NARRATOR: Now we mustn't forget he was always this way, but it really sucks being different in our cruel world today.
You almost can't blame him for being so mean, he often gets profiled for driving while green.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Good day officer. How are you? >> COP: Shut the [BLEEP] up.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Okay. >> COP: License and registration.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Uh, it's just that my license is in there. >> COP: What is that?
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: What is what? >> COP: Is that a weapon?
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: It's a banana. >> COP: Put that down.
>> COP: Put it down. >> SEÑOR GRINCH: It's a banana.
>> COP: Oh, that's what you're going to call it? >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Look at it, it's just a banana.
>> COP: You want to point that at me?
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Okay, okay, okay! >> COP: I'm requesting back-up, suspect is armed, immediate back-up at the green, the scene.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Please listen, I did not do anything wrong.
>> COP: Officer down! I've been assaulted!
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: What the [BLEEP] are you...
>> COP: Get the [BLEEP] out of the car, you piece of [BLEEP]. Get out of the car. Get out, get out. >> SEÑOR GRINCH: Okay, okay, okay!
>> NARRATOR: One time he tried to be social and he said with a smile, "Man I can't wait to meet some [BLEEP], I haven't had sex in a while."
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: What's up guys? How are you?
>> BOUNCER: Hey, woah, woah, woah. What's up man?
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Bro, what the [BLEEP]?
>> NARRATOR: The bouncer stopped for a moment and saw the color of his skin and said, "Sorry my brother, but I can't let you in."
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Why the hell not?
>> BOUNCER: Look at the sign.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Are you serious?
>> BOUNCER: No green people bro.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Really? I saw Kermit the frog in here last week.
>> BOUNCER: Yeah, but he's light green.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: What about Shrek? Shrek's in here all the [BLEEP] time.
>> BOUNCER: Bro, that's Shrek. Shrek's popping man, he's got like 4 movies and [BLEEP].
>> BOUNCER 2: I love Shrek.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: I'm going in. [BLEEP] this [BLEEP].
>> BOUNCER: Yo, yo, yo, you know what, get this avocado face out of here man.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: What the [BLEEP] did you call me bro?
>> BOUNCER: Hop away you little [BLEEP] frog.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: You guys are racist!
>> NARRATOR: So he sat there and planned a wicked scheme out of spite and said, "I'm sick of this [BLEEP], I'm stealing Christmas tonight."
So he dressed up as Santa without help from an elf, but before he stole Christmas, he met the old man himself.
>> SANTA: What's up [BLEEP]?
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Are you Santa Claus?
>> SANTA: What the [BLEEP] it look like?
Huh?
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Oh [BLEEP], hi.
>> SANTA: So what the [BLEEP] you doing?
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: To be honest, I'm trying to look like you.
>> SANTA: You trying to look like me?
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: I mean...I-I-I...
>> SANTA: Do you know how hard it is to be me?
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: I bet it is.
>> SANTA: Giving presents to 8 billion people. Oh, you think that [BLEEP] easy, huh? You think I give a [BLEEP] about...
You think I give a [BLEEP] about Timmy?
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Um... >> SANTA: [BLEEP] Timmy.
>> SANTA: He ain't getting no gifts this year and that [BLEEP] was nice.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: I honestly, I didn't know it was that bad.
>> SANTA: I gotta deal with Mrs. Claus, that fat [BLEEP]. I tell her to get on the treadmill, but she doesn't listen.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Jesus Christ. >> SANTA: I gotta deal with Rudolph trying to [BLEEP] Prancer.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: I thought you were like a happy fat guy. I didn't know you were a skinny black guy.
>> SANTA: What the [BLEEP] are you doing anyway?
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: To be honest bro, I'm doing the opposite of what you're doing. I wanna steal everybody's [BLEEP].
>> SANTA: Oh, that's all you baby, go ahead.
>> SANTA: You good. >> SEÑOR GRINCH: You're okay with this?
>> SANTA: [BLEEP] what the [BLEEP] did I just say? Get the [BLEEP]...let me sit back.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: I'm gonna steal everybody's presents.
>> SANTA: Do what you do baby.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Okay, peace.
>> SANTA: If you got any green [BLEEP] throw them my way.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: You're a mean one Señor Grinch.
You take presents, and cookies, and milk with a little bit of tequila.
You vandalize the city. You make everyone feel [BLEEP] Señor Grinch.
You make Hitler look like a pretty nice guy.
You're a douchebag Señor Grinch. You use plastic and then you don't recycle it.
You steal candy, you steal cake, you draw mustaches on Drake Señor Grinch.
You make Voldemort, the Joker, Hannibal Lecter, Scar from the Lion King, Pablo Escobar, Darth Vader all look like really nice guys.
[BLEEP].
Who the hell are you guys?
>> TIMMY: I'm Timmy.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: And what's your name?
>> CINDY: I'm Cindy and I'm 7...
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Okay, okay. I don't give a [BLEEP]. What the hell are you guys wearing? You look ridiculous.
>> TIMMY: Why are you taking our Christmas tree?
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: The light is broken, so I need to take it back to the North Pole and I need to, you know, don't [BLEEP] worry about it. Why are you asking me questions? What are you guys? FBI? CIA? [BLEEP] you.
>> TIMMY: How about a glass of milk?
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Alright. You want a drink? I'll get you a drink.
There you go, some fresh tequila...uh, milk.
Here. Okay, drink all of that. It's good for you now. It makes you strong.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: It's good stuff. >> CINDY: Timmy?
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Uh, I gotta go. Merry Christmas.
>> NARRATOR: Señor Grinch went back home. He pulled out his green chair and he awaited confusion and sadness in the air.
He said as he poured some tequila in his cup, "I can not wait for these little douchebags to wake up."
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Oh here they go, here they go.
Here we go baby.
That's right. That's right.
No presents.
[EVIL LAUGH]
>> NARRATOR: But then something happened, something very strange indeed.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: What the [BLEEP]?
>> NARRATOR: The little douchebags were not sad, but rather jumping with glee.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Why aren't they freaking out?
>> NARRATOR: At that moment he realized, it's not about presents or Drake. Maybe stealing Christmas was after all a mistake.
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: Holy [BLEEP], what the [BLEEP] have I done?
I took all of this stuff, now I feel dumb.
I thought they would be mad, but instead they're doing the dab. I took their phones and MacBooks Airs, but I guess they just don't care.
I have no friends. I have no chick. I have no one to touch my lollipop.
So confused down to my core. I guess that Christmas means much more.
I'm such a dick.
I'm such a dick. I can't believe that I stole these gifts. It makes me feel so sick. From all their pain, I thought I'd really get a kick.
It's not my fault that Santa Claus is such a freaking prick. Whatever I want to change my ways because I am such a dick.
>> COP: I have a 4-59 in progress. Requesting back-up.
>> NARRATOR: At that point, he was [BLEEP] out of luck, there was nothing that he could say other than the word...
>> SEÑOR GRINCH: [BLEEP].