- You know what?
I'm gonna go out on a limb
and say, no divorces in '99!
(paper horn honks)
- But your divorce isn't even final yet.
- Just the one divorce in '99!
- [Chandler] Yeah, baby!
(paper horn honks)
- You know what, I am gonna be happy this year,
I am gonna make myself happy.
- Do you want us to leave the room or?
- Every day, I am gonna do one thing
I have never done before.
That, my friends, is my New Year's resolution.
- Ooh!
That's a good one. - Yeah?
- Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
- That's a good one too, Pheebs,
now all you have to do is find a plane load of people
whose resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
- Maybe your resolution should be
not to make fun of your friends,
especially the ones who may soon
be flying you to Europe
for free on their own plane.
- She has a better chance of sprouting wings
and flying up your nose
than you do of not making fun of us.
- In fact, I'll bet you 50 bucks
you can't go the whole year
without making fun of us.
Oh, you know what?
Better yet, a week.
- I'll take that bet, my friend, and you know what?
Paying me the 50 bucks
can be the new thing you do that day.
And it starts right now!
- All right, my New Year's resolution
is to learn how to play guitar.
- Oh! - Really?
How come?
- Well, you know, those special skills
I have listed on my resume?
I would love it if one of those was true.
- Do you want me to teach you?
I'm a great teacher.
- Aw, really?
Who have you taught?
- Well, I taught me and I loved me.
- Oh, that'd be great.
Yeah, thanks, Pheebs.
- Oh, look.
Blair forgot her glasses.
And she's gonna really be needing these
to keep an eye on that boyfriend who,
from what I hear,
needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer
if you know what I'm talking about.
- Hey, Rach, maybe your resolution should be to gossip less.
- What, I don't gossip.
(Ross, Joey, and Chandler sniggering)
- What, maybe, sometimes I find out things
or I hear something
and I pass that information on, you know?
Kind of like a public service.
It doesn't mean I'm a gossip.
I mean, would you call Ted Koppel a gossip?
- Well, if Ted Koppel talked
about his coworkers' botched boob jobs,
yeah, I would.
- Well, they were like this!
- Hey! - Hey.
- I just asked that girl out.
- Nice. - Nice, yeah.
Is that part of your resolution,
your new thing for today?
- Yes, it is.
See?
- Elizabeth...
Hornswoggle?
- That's right.
Elizabeth
Hornswoggle.
- Horn...
Swoggle.
- You okay, Chandler?
Is there something funny about that name?
- No, no.
I just think that maybe I've heard it somewhere before.
- Oh, really?
Where?
Somewhere funny, I'll bet.
- Hi, Pheebs! - Hey!
- Ah, guess what?
I have a date with Elizabeth Hornswoggle.
- Hornswoggle?
Ooh, this must be killing you.
- All right, see you later.
- See ya.
All right, Pheebs.
I am ready for my first lesson.
- Okay.
Oh no, no, you don't touch the guitar.
No, no, first, you learn here.
Then you learn here.
- Oh.
Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
Lesson one,
chords.
Now, I don't know the actual names
of the chords...
But I made up names for the way my hand looks
while I'm doing them.
So, then,
this is bear claw,
okay, turkey leg,
and old lady.
- What an interesting approach
to guitar instruction.
You know, some might find it amusing.
I myself find it regular.