caring what other people think about you will be the ultimate cause of
unhappiness you will end up living a life by other people's design and you
will die filled with regret you won't do what you really want to do and caring
what other people think can be the root of some major psychological problems
like anxiety and depression so you want to stop it let's figure out why you care
first hey guys it's practical psychology and this video is a collaboration with
Joshua Hudson licensed therapist and owner of the YouTube channel pinnacle of
man which teaches you how to get your ideal mates by reaching your full
potential in the realms of dating relationship and overall life
satisfaction check out his channel in the description if you enjoy the rest of
this video there are two main reasons why you care about what people think the
first one is that you want something from them this may be out of your
awareness but it is usually things like staying employed by a boss approval from
a cute girl or simply being accepted by your friends and family this causes you
to value their opinion about yourself more than your own the second way is
that you want to cling to an identity you have about yourself
let's look at how these played out with myself when I would try to meet women in
the past I cared way too much about what they thought about me at the time
because deep down I believed that their approval of me would make me happy
this led to an unequal interaction where I was sacrificing my own beliefs and
personality in exchange for acceptance what was even worse was that I viewed
myself as a quote unquote expert at the time because I thought other guys had a
meet woman and even wrote a book about it every time a girl wasn't into me
right away I would immediately reject myself before they had a chance to I
also struggle with this trying to make videos that I know will also reach a lot
of people and will provide me with a sufficient income to keep producing
content but also make videos that aren't really sexy or clickbait tea that I know
that will help people who need to watch it so how do you get over this dilemma
the first way is by having firm boundaries about what you allow in your
life people and behavior included knowing what you want to stand for put
some mission higher than what other people can give you it is something only
you have power over imagine yourself as a great city your boundaries are the
walls that define who you are they can keep people you don't want out they also
clearly identify who you are and thus make others into
sit in living inside you well in a metaphorical sense living with you I
remember as far back as seven years ago in college I had extreme social anxiety
I would go to parties and functions and feel as if everyone just got it they
just knew how to effortlessly talk to others and be themselves
I became isolated and completely depressed I didn't know who I was or
what I wanted and because of that I had no force behind me to guide my actions
so the first step in becoming someone that doesn't care about others is to
create a higher purpose this doesn't have to be a religion more like a
passion that only you have the power to create I made a video about how to find
your purpose or passion on my channel if you guys want to go check it out
essentially all you do is just ask yourself if I had all the time and money
in the world what would I do my best tip to finding your higher
purpose is to try a whole bunch of things I know what you're good at and
then find a way to help people doing it for example I'm really good at
explaining topics in a way that other people can relate and understand and
with this channel I could help a whole bunch of people so I absolutely love it
I also get paid to do it so I feel like this is my purpose right
now and there's not much you can say that will actually get to me two years
ago though when this channel was actually a web cam version of book
reviews I was super self-conscious and I took to
heart a lot of what every single comment said where you have that higher goal in
mind people you meet places you go and even thoughts you have go through a
filter of that higher purpose the second way is to be more open with who you are
you see oftentimes we worry what others will think because there are parts of us
we think if shared won't be accepted however the opposite tends to be true
when you own up to even the worst sides of yourself people tend to respect your
honesty this means speaking some taboo thoughts that aren't always socially
acceptable comedians like louis c.k highlight this when talking about how
awful his kids can be at times something that all parents think but few often say
the third and final way is to stop taking praise so damn seriously the less
you're attached to compliments the less you will be attached to criticism I mean
yeah it's great to get compliments and feel good but don't be swayed by the
passing thoughts I try to create something lasting and get fulfillment
from genuinely helping people not by getting them to compliment
me or being some part of a circle jerk community if we were to be elated by a
video that gets a lot of praise but then the next week our video gets no views
and downloaded into oblivion we'd be more likely to be affected and lose
motivation to make more videos and the same can go with women if you're on top
of the world because you just got some cute girls number but then later on she
flakes on you you'll be devastated instead look at what other people say
and do as their opinion and simply that it's their opinion when someone says you
didn't say that even though you did what they actually mean is I didn't hear that
I heard something else you know what your reality is and they know what their
reality is and that's all you can know and that's all they can know so when
someone says something to you whether it's good or bad understand that it's
just their perspective their opinions from the facts that they have gathered
Don Miguel Ruiz talks about this in the second law of four in his book The Four
Agreements he says whatever happens around you don't take it personally
nothing other people do is because of you it is because of themselves all
people live in their own dream in their own mind they are in a completely
different world from the one that we live in when we take something
personally we make the assumption that they know what is in our world and we
try to impose our world on their world I hope you guys enjoyed this collaboration
and if you're interested in learning more of what Josh has to offer check out
his channel in the description he's also got some awesome content and is always
working on improving it also he's a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
that reviewed my new course the psychology of Attraction actually he
helped me with the section on attachment theory if you're curious on how to get
girls to like you reading their body language or other psychological things
that could help you meet and find your dream girl check out psychology of
Attraction calm I hope this video helped you guys and thanks so much for watching