Okay.
Now I've been driving around for a couple of hours
in the sort of stop-start city traffic that you get
when you are taking the kids to school or going to work,
and I've done 41.7,
and what I'm going to do now is fill it up to the brim again.
Got a brim it, so it's all just spurting out.
That's going to be, come on.
That's it.
Twenty point eight five litres.
And now we have to do the maths.
Okay,
that's twenty point eight five litres.
Now we'll convert that from euro babble into English
by dividing it by four point five four six
equals four point five eight gallons and make a note of that.
Four point five eight six four gallons. Okey doke.
Now then, we did 41 point seven miles
divided by four point five eight six four,
miles to the gallon coming up, everybody.
Nine! Nine miles to the gallon!
I tell you, people who have off-road cars are stupid and mad.
They should be driven from the roads
and birched to within an inch of their lives.
Off-road cars are daft, antisocial and idiotic,
and the people who drive them are fools.
This is mine.
It's a four litre 24-valve six-cylinder, two and a half tonne...
What's the word? Monster.
It was designed to take on Africa, but I use it here in Oxfordshire.
To do the school run, it costs five thousand pounds a year
in petrol alone, five thousand pounds
out of taxed income.
Oh, let's get you in.
That's obscene.
That makes the Yorksman in me absolutely livid and sick
at the waste, so you may be asking,
"Why do I not change it for something a little more reasonable?"
Well, I need an off-roader, because where I live,
the routes into town are so congested that the best way to school is down here.
-It's a bumpy ride. -I know and I'm very sorry,
but this is the fastest way to school.
Obviously, it's a bit of a bore getting out to open the gates,
but at least it's a bit of fresh air and some exercise.
See you tonight. Bye. Off you go.
Exploiting the right to roam can save 20 minutes a day,
and that's worthwhile, but more important than this is the safety.
It's the sort of vehicle that if somebody hits you,
you'd be very confident that strapped in here,
you know, you wouldn't be hurt.
I just prefer being in something beefy.
I mean, I did have an accident a few months ago.
Somebody went into the side of me, and I actually hardly noticed.
I don't think you do not deserve it.
It helps on the country lanes, being up high.
And that's nice, means you can look down on lesser mortals in their ordinary cars.
But it means that the off-roader has to have a high cente of gravity,
and that's...not so nice.
If you need to take emergency action on a motorway,
it's more likely to roll over than a normal car.
And then we have braking... or rather we don't.
So all things considered, the off-road car is not good at avoiding accidents.
What, however, it's very good at is dealing with them once they happen.