WIL WHEATON: Hey, internet.
There's no new "TableTop" this week, but there is a gag reel
from last week's episode "Star Fluxx" that I won, because
Jordan Mechner made a mistake.
But whatever.
It doesn't matter.
A win's a win, man.
And I finally have one in my pocket.
I also wanted to remind you that this Saturday night, my
friend Chris Hardwick, who some of you know as Nerdist
from the Nerdist Channel and @nerdist on Twitter, has a
special on Comedy Central called "Mandroid." And it's
his stand-up comedy, and it's really funny.
And I just want you to watch it, because I think
you'll enjoy it.
But also because I want it to get really good ratings so
that Chris can do more of them.
That's all.
We'll see you next time.
And until then, play more games.
"Fluxx" is a fast-paced, weird, silly card game.
-[INAUDIBLE]
WIL WHEATON: I knew that was coming.
That's why I preemptively messed up.
You win the game by playing Creeper cards.
[BLEEP]
They're not Creepers.
They're Keepers.
You don't know what Keeper cards are going to be
worthwhile until you--
[BLEEP]
in the face.
Creepers are cards that you cannot win the game if you
have them in front of you.
That was the most dramatically--
grammatically challenged thing I've ever said.
CHLOE DYKSTRA: So I'm not censoring myself, but [BLEEP],
lots of [BLEEP], lots of this.
WIL WHEATON: Lots of [BLEEP].
CHLOE DYKSTRA: Lots of [BLEEP].
WIL WHEATON: [BLEEP]
censor yourself a little bit.
-And we're out.
WIL WHEATON: So I thought it would be great if we asked all
of the players who has spent the most time in space.
ALEX ALBRECHT: Ah, man.
I think I might win.
I'm just kidding.
The best science fiction.
WIL WHEATON: Go, Alex.
ALEX ALBRECHT: Good Lord Almighty.
I'm gonna go--
WIL WHEATON: That's pretty good science fiction.
ALEX ALBRECHT: Good Lord Almighty.
The Lord Almighty is my science fiction.
WIL WHEATON: Very good science fiction.
JORDAN MECHNER: Robots don't count
because they're not organic.
WIL WHEATON: Because they're not sanctioned.
Right.
Yeah.
ALEX ALBRECHT: Hey, he's sentient.
He's just also a machine.
WIL WHEATON: He's also a machine?
ALEX ALBRECHT: Let's get that clear.
WIL WHEATON: I'm sorry.
I feel like I'm really offending you.
ALEX ALBRECHT: Well, the poor robot is like
ahhh, Wil hates me.
Why does Wil think I not exist?
WIL WHEATON: I can feel everything but feelings.
Laser Sword is out, and that will be the end of my turn.
Chloe's dad invented the Lightsaber, and that's why
that's relevant.
CHLOE DYKSTRA: He invented the Lightsaber.
He invented it.
WIL WHEATON: He discovered the cure for polio.
CHLOE DYKSTRA: No.
ALEX ALBRECHT: What?
What does that mean?
CHLOE DYKSTRA: It means no.
ALEX ALBRECHT: Oh, OK.
CHLOE DYKSTRA: No means no, Alex.
WIL WHEATON: Then I was going to talk about taking a [BLEEP]
for 15 minutes.
ALEX ALBRECHT: I might wait until marriage with Kaylee.
CHLOE DYKSTRA: Yeah.
WIL WHEATON: What?
ALEX ALBRECHT: That's how much I [INAUDIBLE].
I mean, maybe.
It's space marriage.
It's totally different.
WIL WHEATON: I would like--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
WIL WHEATON: --this is how committed I am to Kaylee.
I'm still waiting to have sex.
CHLOE DYKSTRA: You said not to censor myself, but I have a
feeling I probably should.
JORDAN MECHNER: One long bleep.
ALEX ALBRECHT: It would be awesome if she just starts
like three sentences, and it's just bleeeeeeep.
WIL WHEATON: And then a little bit into it, then we have to
pixelate her mouth.
Then we have to pixelate her hands.
CHLOE DYKSTRA: And then just pixelate my entire body.
WIL WHEATON: Then we have to pixelate the action figures
that have arrived for some reason.
ALEX ALBRECHT: Then it's just all black.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
CHLOE DYKSTRA: Yeah.
WIL WHEATON: Then it's just that picture of the guy who's
like technical difficulties.
CHLOE DYKSTRA: Yeah.
I was gonna say just like yeah.
WIL WHEATON: Kablam!
Sound effect.
Wooo.
Ohhh.
And disappear into the--
ALEX ALBRECHT: Kaylee's gonna come out and be like so what
did you want me to fix?
And you're gonna be, oh god, Kaylee.
Back in the boat.
WIL WHEATON: That's OK, Kaylee.
I'll be in my bunk.
ALEX ALBRECHT: She's like all right.
I'll be in my bunk.
WIL WHEATON: Nooooo!
It is a well-documented scientifically statistical
fact that if you shuffle a deck of cards six times and
cut them between each shuffle, it periodically mixes the
cards in a truly random fashion.
ALEX ALBRECHT: Whew.
WIL WHEATON: I read that on Wikipedia.
I wrote the page.
That one angry nerd in like Minnesota that's watching this
on YouTube just went finally!
ALEX ALBRECHT: Finally.
WIL WHEATON: That is not how I would be playing this game.
Mom!
CHLOE DYKSTRA: Make me an Arnold Palmer.
ALEX ALBRECHT: Make me an Arnold Palmer.
WIL WHEATON: Make me a pizza roll.
ALEX ALBRECHT: And an Arnold Palmer.
WIL WHEATON: I'm watching my show.
CHLOE DYKSTRA: And an Arnold Palmer.
WIL WHEATON: I would like to apologize for insulting anyone
in the audience.
ALEX ALBRECHT: Especially Arnold Palmer.
WIL WHEATON: Especially that guy.
We never want someone who did not win the game to feel like
man, I sort of got ripped off.
And nothing awesome happened to me, so we--
Chloe, don't do that.
You do not want to do that.
JORDAN MECHNER: Do you think he's going to be drinking that
on the winner's chair?
ALEX ALBRECHT: I don't think so.
I think the winner's chair gets high-quality stuff.
CHLOE DYKSTRA: Gets actual--
ALEX ALBRECHT: Top-shelf carbonated iced tea.
CHLOE DYKSTRA: It's not even just carbonated iced tea.
It's flat carbonated iced tea.
WIL WHEATON: That's weird.
It's like I'm looking at me.
I mean, it really feels like I'm looking at me.
I'm mesmerized by my own rackish beauty.
Rakish?
Roguish.
I'm mesmerized by my roguish beauty.
Listen, I'm so mesmerized by my own beauty that I don't--
I can't--
I love you.
First of all, you look incredible.
Really.
Like you're thin.
And you look very muscular, especially in
the pectoral region.
I just wanted to point that out, because I am impressed.
And your beard is gorgeous.
You are a good-looking guy.
You got a little something on your face there.
Oh my goodness.
That looks so beautiful and expensive.
How did you ever afford something so magnificent?
So this is yours.
You can take it.
Seriously.
You look very proud of yourself.
Just, really, take the trophy.
Come one.
What a dick.
[MUSIC PLAYING]