It's number one best-selling author and motivate- Oops! Hey it's number one
best-selling... Is that truck too loud?
Hey, it's Equalman! Thank you for joining us for
today's 7 Super Tips. I'm super pumped! We have a repeat guest, first time in history.
You wanted more from her. you wanted more tips from her, so we have
Brené Brown with 7 additional super tips!
The definition of boundary that I
use in the book boundary is simply "What's okay?" and "What's not okay?"
What I think we do is we don't set boundaries. We let people do things that are not
okay or get away with behaviors that are not okay then we'll just resentful and
hateful. Me, I'd rather be loving and generous and very straightforward with
what's okay and what's not okay. To assume the best about people is almost
an inherently selfish act because the life you change first is your own.
Then one day I found myself on a military base talking to Special Forces and I
just asked a simple question; "Give me an example of courage that you've seen or
witnessed in your life or that you know you've done yourself that didn't require
uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure." Which is the definition of vulnerability
give me a single example of courage it did not require that and there was just
silence until one guy just raised his hand and said three tours ma'am there is
no courage without vulnerability or skillsets
can you rumble with vulnerability can you stay in tough things when they get
uncomfortable and awkward or do you tap out gieux and this is a hard one living
into your values are you clear about what your values are and have you
operationalize those into behaviors do you know what behaviors support your
values what don't three breathing trusts can you build trust and be trustworthy
and the last one which I think was really interesting was learning how to
get back up learning how to rise because we found that people are more willing to
be courageous upfront if they know how to rise and so courage is contagious and
we can teach it we can learn it we can measure it
and we have to create cultures we're being armored all the time is not
rewarded behavior.
The greatest casualty of trauma is vulnerability.
The worst thing we lose in trauma is vulnerability and let's be very clear about what
constitutes trauma. Racism is trauma. Poverty is trauma. Classism, trauma.
Homophobia, heterosexism trauma. And so the biggest casualty of that is
I can't be vulnerable. Well when vulnerability, the ability
to really be who we are, becomes a realm of only the privileged, we have lost our
capacity to create a school, a home, and a country that we love.
I don't think you can get to courage without the capacity to deal with uncertainty, risk, and
emotional exposure. And we've mythologized vulnerability. I'm not
saying you'd be vulnerable for vulnerability sake I'm saying when
things get hard and uncomfortable don't tap out of difficult conversations. Stay
in them. Lean into them even when they're uncomfortable, awkward, & hard.
Find moments of a collective joy and pain and be a part of them. Pass the peace with people
you want a frog in the arm. Come to the rail, sing, grieve together in community.
And we don't do enough of that and it's not just around church. It's about music
Sometimes sport. Find ways to be with people in communion that you don't know
as a reminder that that connection between all of us is real and
alive whether we forget it or not.
And so, to me, vulnerability is our most accurate
measure of courage. I mean it's pretty powerful when I have 13,000 pieces of
data collected over 12 years, that I cannot find a single incident or story
of courage that was not completely underpinned by vulnerability. I think the
problem arises that it's there are so many little paradoxes with vulnerability
and one of them is that vulnerability is courage in you but weakness in me. When I
meet you it's the first thing I look for in you but it's the last thing I want to
show you in me. And so I think to really put ourselves out there knowing that if
we do that enough we're going to fail, I just don't think it gets more courageous than that.
When perfectionism is driving, shame is always riding shotgun.
We struggle with perfectionism in areas where we feel most vulnerable to shame.
Does that make sense? So we're all comfortable saying "Yeah, I'm a little
perfectionistic." Which is code for like, "I do things really well." But I don't really
I'm not comfortable saying I have shame. Perfectionism, what is that? I call it the
20-ton shield. Here's what perfectionism really is. It's a way of thinking that
says this, "If I look perfect, live perfect, work perfect, I can avoid or minimize
criticism, blame, and ridicule. All perfectionism is is the 20-ton shield
that we carry around hoping that it'll keep us from being hurt. When in truth
what it does is it keeps us from being seen.
Those are 7 Super Tips from Brené Brown! If you didn't listen to the
original version with Brené Brown, go ahead and download that today.
But remember this show is designed to unlock and unleash your inner superpower.
To ensure you don't miss the next episode, make sure you hit that subscribe button below.
And also go and subscribe on iTunes or Spotify for the Super U Podcast.
And until then, remember it's not what we take from the world, it's what we leave behind.
Isn't it bromantic?. Hey, it's the one best-selling author and keynote
speaker Erik Qualman. Oh, look we did it again. Hey, it's number one best-selling author.