(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
(SHE LAUGHS)
Oh, never mind Vegas!
Anyway, I had a Follies number once.
A solo.
And they cut the goddamn thing in Pennsylvania.
See, they thought it was a sad song,
and it kept on getting laughs.
They told me, 'Sing it sadder.'
So, I did.
I got out there and...
I gave 'em sad.
And 1,800 people cracked up laughing.
(LAUGHTER)
What are you gonna do?
(MUSIC STARTS)
♪ Good times and bum times
♪ I've seen them all and my dear
♪ I'm still here
♪ Plush velvet sometimes
♪ Sometimes just pretzels and beer
♪ But I'm here
♪ I've stuffed the dailies In my shoes
♪ Strummed ukuleles Sung the blues
♪ Seen all my dreams disappear
♪ But I'm here
(SHE LAUGHS)
♪ I've slept in shanties
♪ Guest of the WPA
♪ But I'm here
♪ Danced in my scanties
♪ Three bucks a night was the pay
♪ But I'm here
♪ I've stood on bread lines With the best
♪ Watched while the headlines Did the rest
♪ In the Depression, was I depressed?
♪ Nowhere near
♪ I met a big financier
♪ And I'm here
♪ I've gotten through Herbert and J Edgar Hoover
♪ Gee, that was fun and a half
♪ When you've been through Herbert and J Edgar Hoover
♪ Anything else is a laugh
(SHE LAUGHS)
♪ I've been through Reno I've been through Beverly Hills
♪ And I'm here
♪ Reefers and vino
♪ Rest cures, religion and pills
♪ And I'm here
♪ Been called a pinko Commie tool
♪ Got through it stinko By my pool
♪ I should have gone to an acting school
♪ That seems clear
♪ Still someone said 'She's sincere'
♪ So I'm here
♪ Black sable one day
♪ Next day it goes into hock
♪ But I'm here
♪ Top billing Monday
♪ Tuesday you're touring in stock
♪ But I'm here
♪ First you're another Sloe-eyed vamp
♪ Then someone's mother
♪ Then you're camp
♪ Then you career from career
♪ To career
♪ I'm almost through my memoirs
♪ And I'm here
♪ I've gotten through 'Hey lady aren't you who's-it?
♪ 'Wow, what a looker you were!'
♪ Or better yet 'Sorry, I thought you were who's-it
♪ 'Whatever happened to her?'
♪ Good times and bum times
♪ I've seen 'em all and my dear
♪ I'm still here
♪ Plush velvet sometimes
♪ Sometimes just pretzels and beer
♪ But I'm here
♪ I've run the gamut A to Z
♪ Three cheers and dammit
♪ C'est la vie
♪ I got through all of last year
♪ And I'm here
♪ Lord knows at least I was there
♪ And I'm here
♪ Look who's here!
♪ I'm still
♪ Here! ♪
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)