Hello!
Seiiti Arata.
We have all suffered due to attachment.
It does not matter whether you are suffering due to love, suffering because you are unwell,
or because you still do not have something you would like to have.
Regardless of the reason, your suffering has an origin.
The origin of this suffering is the attachment to a desire, or, it could be the opposite,
which is an attachment to an aversion.
Let me explain the two types of attachment.
You suffer because you become attached to the DESIRE of being in a relationship with
a certain person.
You suffer because you become attached to the desire of having a body type which you
do not have.
You suffer because you become attached to the desire of buying something that you have
seen others buying.
Or, the opposite happens and the attachment is related to an AVERSION.
You suffer because you become attached to the idea that you do not want to be in the
relationship that you are in, or you do not want the illness that you have or not having
the things you have (example: not having that annoying neighbour next door).
An aversion is simply a desire that things were different.
Suffering comes from your attachment to your desires of having, or not having something.
Suffering ends when the attachment ends.
So, to explain it simply, if you want to end the suffering in your life, you have to learn
the art of letting go of your desires.
But how can we stop being attached to our desires?
Replace “desires” with “preferences”.
The solution is to let go of the need for things to be different and simply have a few
preferences to guide your life.
Free yourself from the attachment to your desires and watch your suffering go away with
it.
The problem of desiring anything is that when you do not have what you want, you end up
suffering for not having it.
Focus has an amplifying power: the more you focus on what you want to have, the more attached
you become to the desire.
Then, you suffer all the more for still not having what you want.
For example, let’s say that you really want to buy a house.
You are attached to the idea that when you own your own house, your life will be better.
While you are unable to buy the house, you suffer because you have not achieved your
dream.
Whenever you compare your current situation to an imaginary future situation, what do
you think happens?
You idealise how your life would be if you were to buy that house.
By idealising, reality becomes unfulfilling.
Then it is you who suffers because your reality is not how you want it to be.
One of the ways of ending this suffering is to simply accept reality as it is.
The acceptance reduces the attachment to your desires.
Just deal with it.
If you do not wish for things to be different, there would not be a cause for suffering.
However, it is not realistic to be completely detached from your desires.
Even the people who dedicate their life to personal development are going to come across
times in their life when something unexpected happens.
So, we are going to offer a more practical solution.
The most practical solution to suffer less in these situations is to minimise your attachment
(not getting rid of the attachment, just minimise it).
This will improve how you deal with your desires.
Instead of wanting this and wanting that, you can simply be aware of your preferences.
Having preferences reduces your attachment and minimises suffering.
Exchanging an obsessive desire for a simple preference is a technique which can greatly
minimise our suffering.
When I simply have a preference, I am less attached and, therefore, I will suffer less
if I am unable to have what I prefer.
What is the difference between desiring and having a preference?
It is not just a word game.
The difference is, when you have a preference, if the thing that you PREFER does not happen
exactly how you imagined, it’s all right.
Having preferences is different to having an attachment to your desires.
When you are attached to a desire, it is very difficult to accept reality.
Wanting things to happen in a specific way, wanting to buy something new or wanting other
people to behave a certain way.
This is the origin of suffering.
The cause of our suffering is not based on facts.
Suffering is in our interpretation of facts, the way in which our brain interprets these
facts.
Suffering does not arise from losing your job, losing someone you love, not having enough
money, or the end of a relationship.
The suffering arises because our desires become disconnected from reality.
It is the belief that the world would only be right if everything were aligned with what
we want to happen.
Therefore, we need to adjust our expectations to reality.
Abandoning your desires is an impossible task, but abandoning attachment to your desires
is a shortcut out of suffering.
You do not need to abandon your desires to escape suffering.
All you have to do is give up the ATTACHMENT to your desires.
You can continue preferring to have more money in your bank account, a more interesting job
or to be in shape.
You can prefer to live in a nicer place, be in a more loving relationship or be a happier
person.
These preferences are guides which lead you to act a certain way to live the life you
prefer to have.
What you cannot do is get attached to these ideas and suffer while they are not part of
your reality.
Besides, depending on what kind of dreams you are attached to, they may never come true.
So, to be attached to your own dreams is to cause your own suffering.
This is what you need to keep in mind: suffering comes from clinging on to the idea that certain
things should be a certain way and having an aversion to the idea that other things
should be different.
Do this practical exercise to help you realise that even if your dreams came true, you would
not be much happier than you are now.
To abandon the attachment to your desires, simply observe and make a list of the negative
emotions you usually feel: sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety and so on…
Then, list which desires you are most attached to.
Generally these desires involve money, vanity, relationships, the need for approval, health
and the achievement of material goods.
Now connect the two lists.
Link the negative emotions you often feel to the desires you are most attached to.
For example, when you realise that you do not have the body you would like to have,
what do you feel?
Frustration?
Anger?
Envy of other people?
Finally, try to imagine what it would be like if you were able to fulfill all these desires
that you are so attached to.
Imagine you got the job you wanted, the relationship you wanted, the body shape you wanted, the
material possessions you wanted.
Always remember that nothing lasts forever.
Our tendency is to think that if we had all that, then we would be happy.
But the truth is, as soon as we conquer each of these things, new desires will emerge.
And even if new desires do not arise, once you conquer these things, you will see that
they are not a permanent source of happiness.
Because sooner or later, you will end up losing the charm for the material goods, your relationship,
your status or the body that you have achieved.
That is why you should not get so attached to these desires.
You can prefer all of these things to happen, as long as you are aware that they are not
what will bring you lasting happiness.
Of course, it is better to fulfill your desires than to not, but that's not what will make
you happy in the long run.
And, on the contrary, being attached to them can and will certainly bring you suffering
in the short term, or rather, today.
Attachment to desires is the reason for our suffering.
To reduce your suffering, learn the art of letting go.
Start having simple preferences for how you would like your life to be, but be aware that
this is not what will define your levels of happiness.
Whenever you find yourself suffering for something, take a moment and try to think where that
suffering comes from.
If you are suffering because of unfulfilled desires, you may believe that the fulfilled
wish would bring you eternal happiness.
But you must realise that nothing is permanent.
Even if you fulfilled your desire, it would not be a source of lasting happiness.
Do you know what would be a source of lasting happiness?
There is no single answer, but a series of techniques already proven by positive psychology
that you can learn about right now in this Happiness course.
To find out what these techniques are, just access the link https://arata.se/happiness.