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Vampire The Masquerade, its like DND but with Crack
Hi everyone.
All Things DnD is back with another story.
In the world of TableTop RPGs Vampire the Masquerade is probably a close second for
me.
This is a hilarious example of how ridiculous Vampire can get.
I’m a long time player of tabletop RPGs but relatively new to DMing and really enjoying
it.
I have 2-3 groups where I alternate between DMing and playing, more and more of my social
group is getting into tabletop games, especially DND 5e.
My primary group is my flatmate, The Texan, Hogan, and a mutual friend HentaiGuy, who
will be the “main characters” in this story.
The setting: Texan, Hogan and HentaiGuy a mutual friend
decide we're a bit tired of 5e and want to try running something else; I offer to DM
a World of Darkness system since they're all interested in trying it out.
So I decided to run an anarchist homebrew version of Vampire fifth edition.
It had been a while since I played Vampire the Masquerade and I wanted to see how bad
or good fifth edition was.
Run a relatively basic setting, Modern Age city in the Midwest called Sundown in the
middle of a Camarilla/Anarch territory dispute; city is currently Camarilla owned by a Prince
slowly going insane from torpor, yeah yeah, I watch LA By Night, it's a great show, sue
me.
I give my players a slight powerboost so it's not insanely boring, we end up with:
A Brujah Spanish noble from the 19th Century who poses as an American History professor
at the local university, Texan.
A Gangrel occultist/fortune-teller based on Richard Lael, newly turned and not really
changing his lifestyle much, Hogan.
And a Toreador sniper/mercenary killed in the field, brought back as a loyal Camarilla
cleaner/problem solver, HentaiGuy.
The players immediately go from being deadly serious to roasting each other in-game and
out of game about their characters.
They are given instructions by the Voice of the King to take care of a suspected Anarch
drug dealer.
They scope out the house, HentaiGuy sets up overwatch on a building next door to have
a clear shot.
Texan and Hogan both specialise in conversation/charisma checks, decide to start it that way and politely
knock on the door.
An NPC answers and asks what they’re doing here.
''Senor, we are here to purchase your finest crack.”
All said in a very authentic accent.
Doing my best not to laugh, I try to continue as seriously as I can.
“You want some crack?”
“Si si!
Your most bueno of cracked consumables!”
I realized that yes, he's really going to keep doing this.
Hogan and Texan enter the crack house and are immediately surrounded by 4 gangbangers.
Hogan rolls a high Wits check and notices one of the gangbangers is hiding a pistol
in his waistband.
This turns into an extended series of Deception/Manipulate rolls to get more info out of the group and
determine who might be a ghoul and/or funding them; HentaiGuy keeps making checks to maintain
his aim on the only armed individual.
One failed check later, it looks like a scene out of a John Wu film and the two worst at
combat characters are trying to survive a 3v2 beatdown whilst the armed ghoul sprints
up the stairs to shoot at them.
HentaiGuy snipes the 3 goons with mixed results, but can't get a lock on the ghoul.
Hogan and Tex head upstairs, almost get sliced in half by the ghoul holding a machete.
They manage to fight him off before he reveals the Voice is the one who hired him.
HentaiGuy panics, decides the best solution is to sprint into the house and start firing
his sniper rifle point-blank.
Practically decapitates the ghoul sending a shower of ghoul bits all over the party
which results in a group cry of 'OH GOD THIS WAS MY GOOD SHIRT!'
The group licks their wounds, gets some sippy from the remaining humans and loot the place
for (and I quote) 'as much crack and ammunition as I can carry, pendejo.'
They rig the house to explode, steal the gangbanger's van and drive off through the bad part of
town to escape pursuit.
Reconvene at the meeting place with the Voice.
Surprisingly they find the Sheriff and King are there as well.
The King is relatively polite, albeit flat out insane.
'Would you like some crack?'
My man Tex is offering crack to an insane monarch who just let them know he'd kill them
if they upset him.
Rolls 5 successes on an Etiquette check.
The King laughs.
Party recaps their events and explains the Voice is playing both sides.
The Voice tries to escape but the Sheriff subdues him and allows the party to decide
his fate.
Texan's character recognises the Voice from his backstory, as one of the Kindred that
razed his town 100+ years ago and asks if he can kill him.
The King agrees before having another mental lapse, announces he's calling a Blood Hunt
and puts a list of 12 names on the table, says the group amuses him and he'll let them
get a 'head start on the festivities' before inviting them to an Elysium ball in 2 days,
then leaves with the Sheriff.
Party immediately plays rock paper scissors to see who gets to feed on the Voice, after
HentaiGuy kneecaps him for trying to escape again.
Party drives off in the crack-van stuffed full of crack, guns, ammunition and blood
bags to prepare for their next target and drive off into the sunrise.
The next night the party agrees to get a head start on the Blood Hunt list.
They've now got a taste for giving other Kindred the sip, and out of game they are very interested
in scoring some Disciplines/skills they aren't proficient in.
The party pools their resources, backgrounds, contacts and allies to decipher the list and
figure out who is the most prominent and/or fastest targets to go for.
The list of 12 names include crime families, politicians, local figures and even the Mayor
of the city group.
They immediately want to target the Mayor, but realise he might be slightly hard to reach.
After attending a Professor Texan’s night-lecture on American History, the party decides to
use their skills to break into the university’s human resources department and see if any
of the names on the list are connected to the university.
HentaiGuy and Hogan get accosted by a guard, but between Tex smoothing things over with
the guard due to him being faculty and some ridiculous rolls (8+ dice) they distract the
guard long enough for HentaiGuy to sneak in.
HentaiGuy boots up the computer and starts blitzing through the names
One match, a professor at the university, last name Proez (pronounced prose).
Tex is immediately unhappy for having to share a feeding ground with 'some pinche with a
name like that, what the hell does he teach, poetry or something?
I roll a d20 for the meme, 20 he teaches poetry.
Boom.
20.
Proez teaches American poetry, specialising in Edgar Allen Poe.
Tex immediately insists on taking out this Kindred for 'being on his TERRITORY and for
teaching poetry.”
Everyone agrees.
He's most likely the same Generation as them but it's worth it to impress the King.
They check the schedule, Proez is also teaching tonight and is about to finish.
The party splits, Hogan using his fame and persuasive skills to slip into the class and
pretend he's a massive fan of the Poe, Tex and HentaiGuy wait in the staff parking lot.
15 minutes later, Proez and Hogan exit via a side-door and slowly make their way towards
the car.
HentaiGuy and Tex exit the car, pretending to be on a short tour.
Proez and Tex immediately start exchanging some pretty hilarious passive-aggressive comments
before Hogan and HentaiGuy sneak attack him with a knife and silenced pistol stolen from
last night's shootout.
Proez panics and attempts to fight back, heavily damaging a lamppost with his claws but gets
repeatedly shot and stabbed, eventually he goes down.
Party quickly shoves Proez into the backseat of his car, and one brief mauling later we
get the exchange of ''Oh god man you went full Pulp Fiction in there, it's Marvin all
over again'' followed by two simultaneous replies of ''what's a Pulp Fiction?'' and
we now have HentaiGuy joining the Diablerie squad.
Party realises they've left a bit of a mess, Hogan uses his contacts/allies to call a local
group he knows to 'clean up' the mess and dispose of the car.
To clean up, the group decides to immediately head back to their Coterie and then go through
Proez's looted belongings to find out why he's so important that it warrants the King
wanting him dead.
One wallet strip later, they find out his address and drive the crack-van to Proez's
home, an apartment in the basement of a relatively uninhabited area.
Group proceeds to loot the place, finding a small mini-fridge of blood bags and a safe
containing an encrypted smartphone and laptop.
Hogan uses the laptop to find it only has one program installed, a chat that messages
saying “'Proez?
Where are you?”
The group realises this may be someone else on the list, immediately asking for extraction.
Chat silent for a few minutes before “15 minutes, be outside” comes back and the
chat closes.
Group panics and figures they need to get the jump on these guys, HentaiGuy sets up
overwatch on the building next door by climbing up the fire escape with his trusty rifle.
Hogan and Tex loiter outside the building, pretending to be drug dealers.
15 minutes later, a black SUV pulls up.
Four security-looking types exit the vehicle.
“Senor, would you like to buy some crack?”
Oh god he's at it again.
Goons tell them to get out of here, Tex asks if they're looking for “Senor Proez, I presume”
The goons immediately pull out guns and demand to know where he is.
“Ah, I see you have chosen death amigo.
As you wish”
HentaiGuy starts sniping, taking out 1 and crippling 2 before they manage to get to cover.
The most awkward shootout erupts as 2 vamps with almost zero Melee/Brawl take on some
relatively well-trained humans.
HentaiGuy pretty much cleans up, with Tex pinning down the apparent leader of the goons;
clearly a ghoul who isn't really aware of the whole 'vamp' thing named Tommy.
Realising they've just caused another shootout in less than 24 hours, they sprinkle some
crack on the goon's bodies and decide to get out of dodge.
The group takes Tommy's phone and split up, 2 of them taking the SUV and 1 following behind
in the crack-van to get out there ASAP.
Proez’s phone begins to ring.
Hogan answers.
“Proez?
Are you with Tommy?”
“....Yeeeeeees?”
Silence.
“Who is this?”
“A mutual friend.
Let me give you Tommy.”
Group charms Tommy into pretending all is ok.
“I see.
Meet me at the hotel, 1AM.” then the unknown caller promptly hangs up.
Tommy explains his client is some political advisor from up North, real cloak-and-dagger
type.
The group takes Tommy back to the coterie and clean up, stripping the SUV's plates and
storing it in a nearby storage unit Tex pays for.
Tex collects a few pistols and stun grenades from the SUV, puts the rest in a box and puts
it in the crack-van.
Tommy gets blood-bound to Hogan, they send him to sleep before getting all the information
they can out of him.
They wait till 12:30 then head to the hotel, fanciest one in town with a penthouse suite
multiple security types lingering outside.
HentaiGuy scales a billboard a block or two away to get a good view of the penthouse suite
Hogan and Tex keep him muted on a phone, sneak in via the staff entrance and enter the flat
via a laundry chute.
The chute opens into the suite’s bathroom which is currently empty.
Tex decides to lead the charge and throws in a flashbang grenade into the main room.
*BANG*
A few seconds later they burst through the door and a raspy voice shouts from behind
them.
'WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?'
The group's first interaction with a Nosferatu begins.
This guy is dressed up in the most ridiculous white suit, think Scarface.
'Buenos noches!
Would YOU like some crack before we engage in hostilities?'
Sigh...dammit, Tex
'NO I DON'T WANT SOME CRACK, YOU JUST FLASHBANGED ME.
WHERE IS PROEZ AND WHO ARE YOU?'
The group tries to lie and convince this Nosferatu they're not here to fight.
HentaiGuy gets twitchy and shoots.
Misses by an inch, Nosferatu rolled insanely high and had a good Celerity boost to count.
Security start rushing in, sniper shots ring out and a very silenced but frantic shootout
happens A flashbang or two later, some good sniping
rolls and a cheeky use of Obfuscate and we're left with 4 dead humans on the ground and
the Nosferatu holding a knife to Hogan's back (or more accurately, still in his back).
'Call down your sniper or I gut this youngster like a fish'
'Perhaps we jumped the gun, as the kids say?'
The group goes through a very tense Mexican standoff (pun intended) as HentaiGuy gets
put on speakerphone as well.
Nosferatu introduces himself as an Anarch information dealer who helped install Proez
and the Voice to spy on the King and eventually stage a fake-assassination to cause a Camarilla
revolt.
His human cover is an advisor with a real penchant for anonymity, always hides his face
with a hood and behind 3-4 guards to convince the humans he's a celebrity ''or something
of the like, you know how much they love the drama.”
Tex accidentally lets slip about the list.
Nosferatu panics and eventually offers a deal, help him at the Elysium ball tomorrow, there'll
be an 'interesting present' for the King.
Party pauses for a minute and discusses out of game the benefits of killing him now and
staying loyal to the King, or siding with him for now.
Party agrees they might be able to kill him, but it's too much of a risk and they could
always decide to not betray the King and inform him tomorrow.
Nosferatu smiles and let's go of Hogan, saying 'keep the knife' and vanishes.
The party agrees it's best to get out before hotel staff show up, even with this kind of
money they won't ignore that much noise.
slip down the laundry chute, get back into the crack-van and drive away to plot for the
Ball tomorrow.
Tex briefly wonders if the interesting present for the king might just be crack.
If you’ve never played Vampire The Masquerade I highly recommend giving it a shot.
It’s a blast running around as a vampire doing ridiculous things like this.
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