Reddit relationships cheating. Caught wife, sexting pics, videos with
student resource officer at school.
She works at.
It's been over a week now, since I went through my wife of two and a
half years' phone and found out she had been having a relationship
with the student resource officer at the school she works at, we have
one child who is three years old.
The other guy is also married with a child.
She admitted, it had been on and off for six months or so.
She was pregnant last year and miscarried at 12 weeks.
My first thought was questioning.
If it was mine, she told me it was never physical, and it was only ever
just words, pictures, and videos.
I saw things I never knew.
She was capable of.
She told me she had been mostly unhappy our whole marriage and that
I was never emotionally available.
I'll admit, I have been verbally abusive at times, fast forward five days after
telling her we needed time apart and splitting time with our daughter.
I spoke with an attorney and didn't like what he had to say.
I make nine times plus or minus what she makes, because she has never worked
full time since we've been together.
And we have put a lot of time and money.
On additions to our house on top of rental property, I had prior to our marriage,
I wasn't ready to start that process.
So, I let her come back.
I have already started therapy, but, she still hasn't.
Even though she said she will. A part of me regrets letting her come
back because she basically got off with little to no consequences.
I think I want to work things out, but, I know she gaslights me and.
Is extremely manipulative.
I'm just lost and depressed.
And I'm hoping to find answers through therapy, quick backstory.
She got pregnant.
As soon as I finished my undergrad, she dropped out and
hasn't gone back to finish.
I rolled right into my master's program.
When our daughter was born, I was never not working full time.
And I've also been in the reserves for going on seven years now,
which she admitted to being mostly involved with him on the weekends.
I was gone.
I knew I was busy.
I just thought it's what I had to do.
We were not married when she got pregnant, we were barely even dating.
I fell in love with her quick, even before she got pregnant.
She has told me in the past that this was forced, and I feel like she
resents me for our relationship.
And I've also told her before.
Then I'm not sure if we'd be married, if it wasn't for our daughter.
Is there any hope for us?
Wasn't physical.
And you believe this because why?
She said so, LOL this coming from the same woman that's been involved with another
man, and lying to your face for six months.
So she claims, so when you were gone on weekends, they just
texted and sent pics and videos.
Of course they did.
They see each other every day and all, but had virtual
sex and seen each other naked.
But, you believe it was never physical in the six months they've been at it.
Tell us why, again, in case we missed it, wake up and wipe the sleep out
of your eyes, brother, you know, better. Edit: just an afterthought.
Why have you not told his wife about what is going on?
I re-read your post.
And I see nothing mentioning having outed him to his wife.
She has the right to know, and you have the responsibility to tell her.
What is going on.
I know if the shoe was on the other foot, you would have appreciated it.
If she had told you.
Isn't it incredible that intelligent adults will believe that adults would, their mutual attraction will sext exchange,
nude, sexual photos and videos profess their love for each other.
But didn't allow the affair to get physical.
How friggin' naive can someone get.
So, if she isn't making changes on our own, without you telling her what
she needs to do, she doesn't care.
Period.
She'll eventually probably ask you what she needs to do, and she'll want some kind
of list so she can check off the boxes.
That means nothing, by the way, you're going to always know it
was just to check off the boxes.
So you would shut up.
Then, it allows her to say, well, see, I did what you told
me to, why are you complaining?
They need to do it on their own.
They need to do the research, and figure out the things that are going
to fix things they can ask you like, Hey, do you think if I did this,
that would be of assistance to you.
That will be one thing and answer those questions.
But, if she needs you to tell her what to do, forget it, what ends up happening is,
you know, In your mind what they're doing.
And so the action, despite the fact that maybe it was hard for them
to do, becomes less meaningful, it becomes something they only did
because you said for them to do it.
And it's not like it's hard for them to figure out what the right actions are.
It's all over the internet in books.
Going to a therapist based on where she's at, you're going to have
a miserable life going forward.
I knew a guy who stuck by just for his kid.
By the time she turned 18, he left the marriage and finally got a divorce.
He looked like he aged 10,000 years and was so miserable for giving up his life.
Better off to leave and pay the penalties that you don't deserve to
pay, but at least you get peace of mind.
Most States alimony.
He goes for two to three years anyways, then she will be on her own.
Wow.
Two to three years soaks to be footing the bill for a remorseless cheater.
I'd say it's far cheaper then a lifetime of caution.
Tying that weight, go speak to another lawyer.
The first one, isn't always the best quote unquote, is there any hope for us?
No, you're going to have to bite that bullet and kick her out and
it's going to be excruciating both financially and emotionally.
But in time, and as long as you don't insist on buying real estate
in limbo and moving in there, you will heal and rebuild yourself.
And have a happy and civil co-parenting routine with your ex, like so many
millions do every day around the world.
The alternative is staying with her and choosing hell, many do.
And we see them every day, all around us people dead inside who have resigned
themselves to a life of anguish and abuse.
Don't be them.
There are no metals for suffering.
If she was meeting up with him on weekends, you were gone.
It was physical.
adults don't sext, send videos to each other, then meet up and only hug and kiss.
Does she even show any remorse at all?
Does she want to stay in the marriage?
Access to a phone should have been their first requirement to reconciliation.
Also, if they still work together, the affair is continuing.
If you really plan on staying, you need to let the APS wife know what is going on.
Two sets of eyes on them are better than one.
Plus, she deserves to know who she is married to.
OP: She wants to stay in their marriage and try and work on things.
Or so she says, her remorse comes and goes.
She's crazy.
I'm well aware of it now.
So she's probably not genuine.
I told her she needs individual counseling.
If she doesn't do it by the end of the week, then I'm
going to start papers Monday.
I didn't tell her that I wanted to see if she would do it on her own.
This is all still surreal to me.
So, I'm trying not to bombard myself with too much at once.
I'm going to tell the APS wife.
So maybe that'll just rip the bandaid off for me.
it sounds like you've done a lot of work on yourself to get to this point.
You working a lot for your family is part of life, especially if she isn't earning.
This is what families with children do to make life work after being
discarded after 20 years and finding out so much about my ex-wife that I
didn't know during that time, I would say I should have trusted my gut.
And left early in the relationship.
If you're not happy with the financial situation of a divorce, now, go speak
with people that have been married for 10, 20 or 30 years and ask them how happy
they are with the divorce settlement.
It only gets more expensive.
Would I trust that she hasn't had sex?
Absolutely not.
Adults in close contact don't sext or send nudes without already having
had sex or planning to have sex.
You're concerned about the baby being yours is completely valid.
Don't trust, anything that comes out of her mouth without some type of proof.
Will you have your daughter DNA tested?
Will this change the outcome of how you proceed?
If she's not yours, I would suggest going to get yourself tested,
prepare yourself for trickle truth.
There is a website called chump lady.com, which helped me to put
a lot of this in perspective.
You were chumped.
Now you need to decide what you're going to do about it.
You now know who she is.
Character doesn't change.
She's not going to therapy because she doesn't think
there's anything wrong with her.
She's perfectly happy letting you take your part in her cheating and
to continue stringing you alone.
I feel for you bud, I really do, these shit sandwiches.
You're getting served or something.
Nobody deserves.