- Aaron Rodgers is coming back! Let's go!
Let's go!
Tom Brady's back, let's go!
We got Russell Wilson?
We got Russell Wilson.
We got Russell Wilson!
(man screaming)
- We better pay Lamar Jackson.
(man screaming)
Sierra! This beat is...
Let me see you one-two step.
Love it when you one-two step.
I told you he was coming back.
We're winning it all.
Nah, see some of y'all don't remember
when we had Trent Dilfer.
We won that Super Bowl despite Trent Dilfer,
not because of him.
We got Davante Adams?
We got Davante Adams!
Bruh! Ah!
We got the best receiver in the league.
Darren Waller, Hunter Renfrow,
Davante Adams.
No excuses this year, Derek Carr.
Who we supposed to throw the ball to?
Got Aaron Rogers back but at what cost?
I'm just preparing for the tik-toks.
It doesn't matter who we sign if we don't have a QB.
I'm glad we got Tomlinson.
Protect Zach Wilson at all costs.
Thank you Dallas for La'el Collins.
We're paying them the same thing they were.
Protect Joe Burrow at all costs.
Skol.
Yeah, Za'Darius Smith,
a Viking now.
You wanna talk about it?
We got Harrison Phillips and Jordan Hicks?
We got a great off season so far.
What are we doing?
Why do we give Christian Kirk $72 million?
We can't just pay every receiver.
Why did we sign Evan Engram?
Giants fans hate this man.
I'm just gonna pray, I'm just gonna pray
'cause there's no way we can get worse.
Jordan Whitehead and DJ Reed are solid pickups.
Are we actually having a good off-season?
J-E-T-S,
Jets, Jets, Jets.
We ain't doing nothing this off-season. Shocking.
I'm gonna miss Chandler Jones.
Don't worry about free agency...
Wait till the draft.
I'm happy for Matt Stafford
but when can I be happy for myself?
When can I be happy for me?
Why did we trade for Carson Wentz?
What the heck is this!
Bro, I hate this team man.
This might be the single best off-season in Colts history.
How did we get a third round pick
and get rid of Carson Wentz?
The Julian Edelman signing was an April fool's joke?
I can't believe they took Carson Wentz's contract
on purpose.
Like they said, "We're gonna pay for this,"
then we got Matt Ryan.
Why are our names "The Commanders", bro?
The Commanders?
I literally just bought this shirt.
We don't deserve Matt Ryan.
This man gave us everything
and we try and get Deshaun Watson,
now look at us.
I thought being a Falcons fan sucked with Matt Ryan.
Why are we re-signing all our veteran players?
Like, we didn't just go 4-13 last season.
Hey, shout out to the Browns.
They're the Browns for a reason.
This is our Hershcel Walker trade.
This is how we rebuild.
Why is Tua still our QB?
We're doing Baker dirty.
I'm glad Tua's our QB.
I'm glad we got Deshaun Watson, he's better.
I didn't want Deshaun Watson in the first place.
I hope Jameis has a healthy recovery.
At least I'm proud to root for this team.
It doesn't sit right with me.
This man sits out for a year,
then he gets the richest contract ever in the NFL?
It doesn't sit right with me.
22 people? 22?
That's a lot of people, bro.
Wait, is Gronk back?
The only person in mind is Kyle Trask.
Wait, Bruce Arians is stepping down?
Todd Bowles season, baby.
Why do we do this?
We couldn't just mortgaged our future.
I might not even watch any games.
We're drafting a QB, right?
Mitch Trubisky can't be the long term plan.
What is UrinatingTree saying?
First time we get a good player
and now y'all wanna trade him?
I hate some of our fans.
We got this man throwing to Equanimeous Brown
and Chris Pringle?
Uh...
We better draft a receiver.
Can we do something?
What are we doing?
All we're doing is losing players.
Watson might not even play this season if you think...
We gotta keep Baker.
Let's just see how things play out.
How much money did we pay Khalil Mack?
One,
two,
three, four.
How much money did we pay J.C. Jackson?
Five, six, seven...
Going all in this year.
Hey, it worked for the Rams.
eight, nine, 10, 11, 12.
How is the only positive thing about the team a tight end?
Marcus Mariota's supposed to throw this man the ball?
Marcus Mariota? That...
13, 14,
15, 16,
17, 18.
Who's throwing the ball? Sam Darnold?
'Cause like...
We shafted the Rams.
I love the Robert Woods trade.
I'm just glad we get to keep Harold Landry.
Tighten up, baby.
Watch what happens when Derrick Henry's healthy all season.
Wait, we got Randy Gregory?
The Cowboys put some last minute language into the contract.
Ah!
We got Randy Gregory!
What are we doing?
I'm actually excited for Steven Jones
to take over for the Cowboys.
He's doing a great job so far.
Teddy Bridgewater is a solid backer.
We re-signed Xavien Howard for five years?
We got the best cornerbacks in the league.
Cedric Benson, Raheem Mostert,
I like what we're doing.
Fins up, baby.
No Von Miller, no problem.
We paid Bobby Wagner how much?
Are we bringing OBJ back?
How much did we pay Bobby Wagner?
Why did we trade Robert Woods for a bag of Dorito chips?
We got the same price for Amari Cooper.
No reason why we can't run it back next year.
19, 20,
21, 22.
22 women, bro?
I'm happy we got Amari Cooper for pennies though.
The Cowboys are so dumb! Ah!
We literally just lost all our good players.
Every year, bro.
Every free agency,
we do something dumb or nothing!
I hate it here!
Hassan Reddick and Kyzir White were great pickups.
We have three first-round picks.
As long as we don't select another Jalen Reagor,
we're gonna be fine.
I might get a Brown's jersey.
Did you hear Deshaun Watson say he wants to be "hands on"
in the Cleveland community? Bruh.
I don't even know the next time we have a draft pick.
I have no clue.
Was is it? 2029?
We got Von Miller?
I didn't even know we were in play.
How much money did we pay this man?
How could you not believe in God?
We got Russell Wilson!
O.J. Howard finally made it outta Tampa.
Hey, that was a prison for him.
We have all the pieces.
This is a do or die year.
Our first good quarterback since Peyton Manning.
Two separate accounting books?
Go deeper, find out all that information.
Now how're you gonna wanna trade Deebo?
We're winning the Super Bowl.
Run it back next season.
Best off-season of my life.
We're winning the Super Bowl!
I'm just glad Urban Meyer's gone.
Do we hate Justin Fields?
We're winning the division this year.
Watch.
(orchestral music)
I'm not watching football this year.
(orchestral music)
I'm a grown man.
We're winning the division this year.
Watch.
They're not, they're not.