, OF COURSE, ALL OF THIS HAPPENED IN THE OLD TRUMP WHITE
HOUSE.
THINGS ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SINCE PRESIDENT APPOINTED NEW
CHIEF OF STAFF AND DISAPPOINTED OAK TREE, GENERAL JOHN KELLY.
RUMOR IS KELLY GOT THE JOB AFTER HE STOOD UP TO TRUMP, WHEN
RAISED VOICES COULD BE HEARD THROUGH THE THICK DOOR TO THE
OVAL OFFICE.
IT WAS SEEN AS AN EARLY INDICATION THAT KELLY WAS NOT
AFRAID TO STAND UP TO HIS COMMANDER IN CHIEF.
NO SURPRISE.
TRUMP RESPECTS PEOPLE WHO DON'T SUCK UP TO HIM, STARTING--
YESTERDAY.
( LAUGHTER ) AND KELLY WASTED NO TIME, HE DID
NOT WASTE A MINUTE, DRAINING ALL THE FUN OUT OF THE
ADMINISTRATION BY IMMEDIATELY FIRING WHITE HOUSE
COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR AND MA >> Audience: OOOH!
>> Stephen: AND MAN DEMONSTRATING HIS TRADEMARK
DOUBLE-ASS PAT, ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU GOTTA LET HIM GO!
WE'RE GOING TO MISS YOU, MOOCH.
GENERAL KELLY, IF WE'RE GOOD, CAN WE HAVE MOOCH BACK AT THE
END OF THE SEMESTER?
WE'LL FEED HIM AND WASH HIM AND TAKE CARE OF HIM AND EVERYTHING.
HE CAN SLEEP AT THE FOOT OF MY BED.
BUT THE MOOCH TOOK HIS DISMISSAL IN STRIDE BECAUSE AFTER BEING
FIRED, SCARAMUCCI ATE AT TRUMP'S HOTEL.
WOW!
OUCH!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THE MOOCH HAD TO EAT TRUMP'S CRAP TWICE IN ONE
DAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND KELLY'S GOT HIS WORK CUT OUT
FOR HIM INSTILLING DISCIPLINE.
AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
YESTERDAY, TRUMP SON-IN-LAW AND MAN WONDERING HOW YOUR CHILD GOT
INTO THAT SCHOOL, JARED KUSHNER, HELD AN INFORMAL
MEETING WITH CONGRESSIONAL INTERNS, AND WHAT HE TOLD THE
INTERNS IMMEDIATELY HAS BEENED, INCLUDING WHY HE THINKS THESE
TRUMP RUSSIA ALLEGATIONS ARE RIDICULOUS, SAYING, "THEY
THOUGHT WE COLLUDED BUT WE COULDN'T EVEN COLLUDE WITH OUR
LOCAL OFFICES."
ADDING, "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.
I SPENT THE WHOLE CAMPAIGN WITH MY HEAD STUCK IN A BUCKET."
AND TO ADD INSULT TO IDIOCY, WE JUST LEARNED A "PRANKSTER
TRICKED WHITE HOUSE OFFICIALS INTO REPLYING TO HIS EMAILS."
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
HE TRICKED THEM.
HE MUST USED SOME TRICKY SUBJECT LINE LIKE:
"CONFIDENTIAL AND CRIMINAL: DIRT ON HILLARY.
RUSSIA COLLUDE-A-PALOOZA!" CLOSE ENOUGH.
WE'RE GUESSING.
WE HAVE NO PROOF.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'RE GETTING.
THE FIRST OFFICIAL TO GET DUPED WAS HOMELAND SECURITY ADVISER
AND SENTIENT COATRACK, TOM BOSSERT.
BOSSERT RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM WHO HE THOUGHT WAS JARED KUSHNER
INVITING HIM TO A PARTY AND HE REPLIED:
"THANKS, JARED.
WITH A PROMISE LIKE THAT, I CAN'T REFUSE.
ALSO, IF YOU EVER NEED IT, MY PERSONAL EMAIL IS," AND THEN
HE GAVE IT TO THEM.
"OH, WHAT'S THIS?
AN EMAIL FROM definitely jared @notfakeemail.com?
I BETTER GIVE HIM MY PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESS, AND, SO HE
KNOWS IT'S ME, I'LL SEND ALONG MY CREDIT CARD NUMBER, MY SOCIAL
SECURITY, MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME, MY FIRST DOG, THE HOUSE I
GREW UP IN, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GOING TO TRACE MY APARTMENT KEY.
AND THIS IS EXTRA EMBARRASSING BECAUSE BOSSERT IS IN CHARGE OF
CYBER SECURITY.
>> Audience: OOOH!
>> Stephen: OKAY, BUT HOW COULD HE HAVE KNOWN THIS WAS A
SUSPICIOUS EMAIL?
BY READING THE SUBJECT LINE, WHICH SAID, "SUSPECTED SPAM."
COULD HAVE BEEN ANYTHING.
MAYBE HE THOUGHT IT WAS AN E-VITE TO SEE SEAN SPICER'S
HEAVY METAL BAND, "SUSPECTED SPAM."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) , OF COURSE,-- HE'S DOING WELL.
HE LOOKS GOOD.
SEAN LOOKS GOOD.
>> Jon: LOOKING GOOD!
>> Stephen: HE LOOKS MORE RESTED WITH THE EYE SHADOW.
OF COURSE, BOSSERT WASN'T ALONE.
ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI ALSO FELL FOR THE SCAM.
IN FACT, THE ONLY PERSON WHO FINALLY CAUGHT ON WAS ERIC
TRUMP.
YES, ERIC WAS IMMEDIATELY SUSPICIOUS WHEN SOMEONE IN THE
ADMINISTRATION TRIED TO TALK TO HIM.