What's going on, guys?
I'm J.J. Watt,
and to support the Justin J. Watt Foundation,
I'm offering you the chance to
meet up with me in Houston
where I'll hand you they keys to a brand-new Ford Raptor
and $100,000 to put towards the house of your dreams.
Pretty awesome, right?
Almost as awesome as my original idea
to change your life
with the help of the world's first robotic super assistant.
Now I know you've probably heard the rumors about it,
people have been chattering,
but I wanna set the record straight.
So I commissioned a documentary
on the creation of the J.J. Bot.
Take a look.
Ever since I was a child, I wanted to help people.
I used to ask myself,
how can J.J. Watt give more?
But then I asked myself,
what if there were more J.J. Watts to give?
But I knew for such a Herculean task,
I had to turn to
the world's most foremost mind in robotics...
me.
Day 288.
J.J. Bot testing.
I think he's finally ready to be booted up.
Okay, J.J. Bot, what's the weather like today?
And while the prototype was,
by all measures, totally functional,
it felt like it needed something just a little extra
to appear more human.
I knew I was gonna need a little help.
I'm not a Terminator.
He always says I'm the Terminator, I'm a machine.
I'm not the Terminator.
I can't get this through to him.
And since RoboCop wouldn't share any of his secrets,
I decided to invite some fellow scientists into my lab.
So, obviously, what we're gonna need to do
is take the flux capacitor,
use the quadratic equation,
pair that with the Infinity Stones,
and that's gonna be our main power source,
aka the mitochondria of the J.J. Bot.
Plus Wonkavision up in his eyeballs,
real human hair on the head,
bada bing bada boom.
I don't know how much more plainly I can put it.
Scientist: Honestly, it was hard to understand
what he was talking about.
But, hey, it's not every day you get paid a ton of money
to work on a super robot
with three-time Defensive Player of the Year, J.J. Watt.
Which now that I think about it,
kind of explains what happened next.
One of the things I believe
is that if a 6-foot-5, 280-pound scientist, like myself,
can make it in the NFL, well, then anything is possible.
Sometimes, all you need is a little motivation.
Well if you can't fit a hair dryer in it,
why are we even doing it?
Siri doesn't have a hair dryer.
Exactly!
Collaboration's a beautiful thing,
and together we created something really special.
Wow.
It's perfect.
It's game time.
It's time game.
It was ready.
It wasn't ready.
So we shipped the first J.J. Bots
out to the beta testers,
and you should have seen their faces
when it showed up.
Dad: Are you ready to meet your J.J. Bot?
Yeah! I wanna open it, I wanna open it!
Dad: All right, open it up.
[screaming]
It's time game.
Yeah, it changed lives all right.
My daughter's afraid of boxes now.
Not a lot of books out there on that.
It was an absolute nightmare.
It was like it wouldn't let me do anything on my own.
[hair dryer]
[hair dryer] [J.J. Bot's louder hair dryer]
Beta Tester: Where do I begin?
He punched a hole in our cabinet to get a salt shaker.
And how do you **** up an alarm clock?
It's time game.
It's time game. It's time game.
Time game.
I think it's unfair to say that none of the features worked.
I mean, the live score updates
were better than advertised.
Hey, J.J. Bot, what's the score of the game?
Score update: 35 to 3.
Man, they're on fire.
Fire mode activate.
J.J. Watt: So... the heat vision.
Probably a step too far, but I mean, overall,
the J.J. Bots were totally harmless.
It's time game.
Those were the last words spoken by the robot
before he used what witnesses described
as laser vision
to gain entry into the nearby chemical testing facility.
And while the robot's motive remains unknown,
its warning is clear:
It's a time game now, and the clock is ticking.
So, obviously, we had to shut the J.J. Bots down.
Luckily we knew just who to call.
I am not a Terminator.
Da Vinci.
Edison.
The guy who built Jurassic Park.
Hello?
Like all great inventors, I'm simply ahead of my time.
Director: Right, but in the end,
the military did round up all the J.J. Bots
and destroy them.
That's what they say.
I mean, I heard there's one still out there,
and somebody said that
they saw him walking into the ocean.
He knew he was too pure for this world.
I mean, think about it.
He's probably off there,
somewhere down at the bottom of the ocean,
building little sea houses for little seahorses.
He's probably helping little crabs walk across the street.
He's probably rebuilding fish
after they've been eaten by a shark.
He's still putting smiles on people's faces,
changing the world, one fish at a time.
[screaming]
Frenchman: J.J. Bot! J.J. Bot!
Frenchman: Run!
[screaming]
Well, ****.
I mean, I probably should have watched that first,
but what can you do?
Anyways, the good news is
you can still go to omaze.com/jj right now
and enter for your chance to meet me in Houston,
take home a brand-new Ford Raptor
and $100,000 to put towards a house payment.
Flights are included, hotel's included,
and we'll even cover the taxes and shipping
on your new ride.
But the best part is that every donation
goes towards supporting the Justin J. Watt Foundation
and our work to empower and inspire children
through sport.
So hurry up!
Go to omaze.com/jj and enter now.
And remember, it's time game.