-Hello, everyone and welcome back to the attic.
I want to start by addressing something
because there have been some nasty rumors online.
The books on my side table are real books, with real titles,
by real authors, and I'm not switching in
fake ones over the course of the show.
I would never, what, ask the art department at our show
to make phony book covers for nonexistent
"Thorn Bird" sequels and have them sent here
in the mail for a bit that all of, I want to say,
eight people tops would even enjoy?
I mean, that would be a colossal waste of time.
And I also want to assure you that if it was a bit,
which it's not, I would stop it immediately
before it dragged out and became unsatisfying.
Speaking of unsatisfying -- boom, another perfect segue --
the president is declaring victory on coronavirus
even as a whistleblower offered damning testimony today
on the Trump administration's disastrous response.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
♪♪
Today the House heard damning testimony from Dr. Rick Bright,
a whistleblower who was punished for questioning
the president's aggressive advertising
of the unproven anti-malaria drug hydroxychloroquine
as a treatment for coronavirus.
Do you remember hydroxychloroquine,
the Furby of medical fads for like a month?
Hydroxychloroquine was hotter than CBD oil,
and it turns out works just as well.
Bright made clear today that his caution on hydroxychloroquine
was part of the reason he was pushed out.
-I believe part of the removal process for me
was initiated because of a pushback
that I gave when they asked me to put in place
an expanded access protocol that would make
chloroquine more freely available to Americans
that were not under the close supervision of a physician
and may not even be confirmed to be infected
with the coronavirus. -That's right,
they wanted to give it out to people who might not even
have had coronavirus.
I wouldn't be surprised if Trump had personally submitted
a request to travel around the country
in a windowless white van
offering loose bags of chloroquine to kids.
[ As Trump ] "You guys want to ride the quine?
I'll meet you out back behind the bleachers.
This is a tiny bag of drugs."
Bright, a vaccine expert
who led a biodefense agency in the health department,
had a stark assessment of just how badly
the Trump administration had failed
in its response to the coronavirus outbreak.
-I believe we could have done better.
I believe there are critical steps
that we did not take in time.
Those alarms were not responded to with action.
-Okay, side note here, but that is
what I want a doctor to sound like --
calm, reasonable, doesn't engage in hyperbole,
gives it to you straight.
Trump, of course, prefers that his doctors sound like
roadies for Metallica.
"Hey, man, I looked at your CAT scan.
Looks like you got what we call upside-down disease.
Anyway, you want to ride the quine?"
Although I have to say, probably even more shocking
than that comment was this moment
when Bright relayed a conversation he had
about our shortage of respirator masks.
-Congressman, I'll never forget the e-mails I received
from Mike Bowen indicating that our mask supply
or N-95 respirator supply was completely decimated,
and he said, "We're in deep [bleep]."
-Wow, you know it's bad when someone as soft-spoken
as this guy drops a curse word on live television.
It's like FaceTiming with your grandma
and asking her how her knitting is going.
"Oh, you know, I just do it to pass the time
while I'm baking cookies.
These mother [bleep] are taking forever."
Bright had a damning and truly harrowing assessment
of where we are as a nation on everything
from vaccines to testing.
And he warned that if we don't put together
a national strategy now,
things could be very bleak come the fall.
-Without better planning,
2020 could be the darkest winter in modern history.
The truth must be based on science.
We have the world's greatest scientists, let us lead.
Let us speak without fear of retribution.
There are things we must do immediately.
We must increase the public education about the basics --
washing hands, social distancing,
appropriate face covering.
-Of course, as he was watching that,
there was a good chance Trump was sneezing into his hands,
surrounded by reporters
and wearing a face mask over his eyes.
"If I can't see you, I can't give you the corona."
Instead of listening to Bright
and taking his warnings seriously,
Trump was on Fox News this morning,
bragging about the one thing he always brags about,
the China travel ban he imposed in late January.
The "New York Times" reported last month
that 430,000 people have traveled from China to the U.S.
since coronavirus surfaced.
But that hasn't stopped Trump from saying stuff like this...
-In January, I put -- and I was criticized by everybody,
including Dr. Fauci, I put in a wall.
We put in a very strong wall.
-There's a good chance Trump thinks they built a literal wall
between the U.S. and China.
"We built a wall in the Pacific keeping out immigrants,
manatees, sharks, and whales.
Unfortunately, we've had less trouble, less success,
I should say, stopping dolphins,
what with all the tricks they've learned at SeaWorld.
SeaWorld, of course, a water park
that thrived under Obama.
So, if we're pointing fingers..."
The frustrating thing about listening
to Dr. Bright's testimony is that everything
he's talking about is possible,
as we've seen from other countries.
Throughout this crisis, Americans have watched
as countries across the world, from Germany to Australia,
New Zealand to Taiwan successfully contained
and suppressed their coronavirus outbreaks
and began to safely and slowly reopen their economies.
Meanwhile, here in the U.S.,
things are so bad, we have senators showing up to hearings
like outlaw highwaymen,
drinking alone in the corner of a salon.
Tim Kaine, what happened to you?
You went from vice presidential nominee to divorced dad
who forgot it was Halloween.
Although, I honestly do wish this Tim Kaine
had been Hillary Clinton's running mate.
Instead of debating Mike Pence,
he would have challenged him to a dual.
"Hey, Mike Pence, how about you Pokémon -- go to hell."
Pow-pow!
Insanely good mime work today.
You guys remember the quine?
Although, I will give him credit for at least wearing a mask,
unlike some of his Republican colleagues,
who have decided to turn mask wearing,
a proven technique for eliminating transmission
of respiratory illnesses, into yet another
dumb culture war issue.
Like Louisiana Senator John Kennedy,
who said this bizarre thing on Fox News.
-I don't want to have to wear a face mask in the shower.
-Okay, so don't. I think are you're safe.
I doubt anybody would want to be within six feet of you
when you're naked and wet.
No one's telling you to wear a face mask in the shower.
Although, based on voice alone,
if anyone sounds like they should be wearing
a Tim Kaine-style bandana, it's this Douche of Hazzard.
Seriously, can we just make stuff up
and then get angry about it now?
"And another thing, I don't want these crazy libs telling me
to wear socks on my hands and a bucket on my chin.
I mean, I'll do it for public health,
but I won't be happy about it."
You only need to wear a mask when you're out,
around other people, or when you can't socially distance.
I mean, where are you taking your showers?
Are you secretly a Starship Trooper?
Underrated film. If you want to catch up on that one,
this is a good time to do it.
Mask wearing is a simple technique
that's been proven to reduce the transmission
of respiratory illnesses,
and it's been adopted widely in countries that have
successfully contained or suppressed their outbreaks.
Like South Korea, which had their first confirmed case
on the same day we had ours.
South Korea successfully contained their outbreak
early on, and they did it with massive nationwide testing.
It wasn't just widespread, it was early.
At the beginning of March, for example,
when it was reported that fewer than 500 people had been tested
here in the U.S., in South Korea, they already had
drive-thru setups, where anyone could get tested safely
without leaving their car and receive their results back
in a few days.
I know if you told Trump other countries were beating us
on tests, he wouldn't care, but if you told him
other countries were beating were beating us on drive-thrus,
we would have had this problem solved ASAP.
"Today I'm invoking the Defense Protection Act
to immediately ramp up our nation's supply
of masks, Frosty, Whoppers, apple pies.
And I'm proud to announce today that thanks to the efforts
of our search, the McRib is back.
The one curve you don't want to flatten."
And by the way, that doesn't mean coronavirus
just disappeared forever in South Korea.
In fact, they just had to reimpose some lockdown measures
after a resurgence of cases.
But that tells us two things --
one, you can't just reopen the economy
without expecting that outbreaks reoccur.
And two, you need an aggressive regime of testing,
tracing, and isolation.
If we had that here,
everyone would feel much more comfortable
knowing that if we went back to work,
and there was another outbreak,
we'd detect it early and respond quickly.
Instead, we have senators dressing like
NPCs in "Red Dead Redemption,"
and others complaining that mask wearing
is ruining their nightly bubble bath.
"I'd like to sit in my tub.
And I'd blow bubbles, but I can't do that
'cause I have to wear a mask to avoid spreading coronavirus
to my ducky."
Now, South Korea set up their drive-thru testing
in February.
By mid-March, Trump announced his own plan
to expand drive-thru testing,
but he decided to rely on private companies instead,
and did his usual schtick where he calls them up
one by one to talk about how great they are.
-We've been in discussions with pharmacies and retailers
to make drive-thru tests available
in the critical locations
identified by public health professionals.
One of them is Doug McMillon from Walmart.
And I'd like to have Doug, if you would, say a few words.
And, Richard, if you could come up, please.
Richard, please. Walgreens.
Brian Cornell. Target.
Is Tom here? Tom Polen?
And Matt Sauce, please, of Roche.
David Pierre of Signify -- Signify Health.
Adam Schechter, who's really been of tremendous help,
LabCorp, please.
Thomas Moriarty, CVS. We all know CVS.
-"Duane and Reade from Duane Reade.
Thank you both for making it.
Matthias Mickelberry, CEO of M&Ms, great work.
Long John Silver, right over there.
We all know Long John. Thar he blows, right over there.
The Taco Bell chihuahua.
What's that?
He's not in his box?
Well, you have to think outside the box.
Or just find him.
Why? Because yo quiero him to be here.
The Noid? Where's the Noid? Right over there.
It would break my heart if I avoided the Noid.
I think this -- has this bit gone on long enough?
Oh, Little Ceasars pizza.
You know, a lot of people -- a lot of people think
he's saying, 'pizza, pizza,' but not me.
I know it's 'Pizza. Pizza.'
Coppertone baby. Where's the Coppertone --
Where is she? She can't get up
because the dog has her swimsuit in its mouth?
Is it the Taco Bell dog? Well, why don't you check?"
So, that was mid-March.
I think that was the right amount of time to do that.
Already far too late to begin scaling up tests.
Again, it came after a testing debacle at the CDC
that significantly slowed our response, but still,
it was a promising initiative,
if it could get up and run in quickly.
Instead, a month after Trump's announcement,
"Business Insider" found only eight sites
were operating among three of the companies,
the fourth Walgreens wasn't able to open the first batch
of its promised 15 locations until April 17th,
Target opened only one site,
and appears to have dropped out of the effort.
And if you go to CVS,
they just decided to stop having employees altogether.
Actually, all CVSs are technically drive-thrus
and that you could literally drive through one
and there would be no one there to stop you.
This is why we need an actual functioning
centralized federal government that listens to scientists
instead of just relying on private companies
to do things that don't benefit their investors
or their bottom lines.
Republicans love to hollow out the government
and outsource everything to big business
and then complain the government is incompetent
and should be run like a business.
That's their scam -- make government incompetent,
then use that incompetence as proof that government is bad.
They're like a husband who cheats on his wife and says,
"See, this is proof we need an open marriage."
In fact, Republicans are now arguing
that nonpartisan public health officials,
like Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation's leading
infectious disease expert, shouldn't be allowed
to make decisions about
the government's coronavirus response.
-I think the one-size-fits-all,
that we're going to have a national strategy
and nobody's going to go to school is kind of ridiculous.
So I think we ought to have a little bit of humility
in our belief that we know what's best for the economy.
And as much as I respect you, Dr. Fauci,
I don't think you're the end-all.
I don't think you're the one person
that gets to make a decision.
-No one said he was.
He wasn't even the one person at that hearing.
There were four top public health officials who testified,
including FDA Commissioner Stephen Hahn,
who Skyped in, I'm guessing, from the finale of "Lost"?
"I am going to try to keep my answers brief,
as I may be a ghost."
Also, as Fauci pointed out, all he does
is offer advice as a doctor and public official.
He often corrects himself or amends his judgments
based on new information,
and he doesn't make any policy decisions.
Yet they're acting like he's somehow a puppet master
controlling an otherwise powerless Trump.
Trump's the president.
He's supposed to be the one who makes all the actual decisions.
And yet, in their all-consuming attempts to cover
for the president's failures, they've been casting about
for someone else to blame,
and they've apparently landed on Fauci.
If you don't like the decisions Trump makes,
then take it up with him.
Of course, in this case, it's just easier
to pretend Anthony Fauci is president, not Donald Trump,
because then you'd have to acknowledge
that the horrific death toll and the cratering economy
have unfolded under Trump's watch.
Instead, Fox News would rather concoct an elaborate fantasy
where Fauci is making all the calls,
while he has Trump tied to a chair in a closet
with duct tape over his mouth.
"Fauci! Let me go! I see you, Fauci.
You can't hide from me."
As we've seen from other countries,
it's possible to have an aggressive regime of testing,
contact tracing, and social distancing to keep people safe,
while also making sure they keep their paychecks
and health insurance.
But Trump and his allies have no interest in any of that.
They'd rather wish the virus away and send working people
back into the economy like cannon fodder
while they do their shows in safe isolation.
They don't care if otherwise mild-mannered scientists
are warning us that we're in... -Deep [bleep].
See, real book.
This has been "A Closer Look."
♪♪
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