- Leif died.
I heard my mother's voice through the embracing fog I was in.
Her voice was dejected because of that.
I also heard gratitude in her voice because she had made contact with me again.
– “You've been unconscious for two months”, dad said.
that was a surprise.
I had been in a timeless state
but not in some kind of empty transport of nothing for two months.
On the contrary, the period was filled with experiences.
I was not surprised by what mom said because
I had said goodbye to Leif.
I had said goodbye in the way you do when you run the ambulance one night.
Maybe none of you have that experience.
But you can probably imagine what it feels like to run an ambulance with a colleague.
You know it's you and me tonight.
We don’t know what will happen in the ambulance.
All we know is that it's you and me who will sort this out.
We can get anything from a man born to people dying, that we know.
When you have had a tough night, you are often tired and homesick.
After the shower and that morning cup of coffee
you make sure you find your partner at the fire station
and say "thank you, let’s go home to bed."
So it was with that feeling that Leif and I said goodbye to each other.
Therefore, it was not associated with any kind of sorrow or mistake.
We had both gone home,
what we call pass away; I felt as Leif had gone home.
You must be aware of that I was newly employed as a fireman.
I had not built up a, so to speak, close relationship with Leif.
There was no private loss for me.
But since I felt that Leif and I had said goodbye to each other
during the period that we had been unconscious
made me feel that what my mother told me was no news.
What also contributed to not making it feel like a failure
was another incredibly powerful experience that I had
during the period that I was unconscious.
You need to know that it took ten years for me before I first told anyone about this,
now it has been 30 years since this happened and still I remember it strongly.
I would not say that this is a dream,
for which one of you remember a dream that you had 30 years ago?
- No, that’s right! This is something more than a dream.
It is no near death experience.
I've searched a lot in the literature
and met with people who have had near death experiences.
The closest I can come up with a label, it is to say that
this is a near life experience right in the shadow of death.
It really started with that I somehow got an invitation.
I was invited to see how everything had happened.
And you know it's not often you get such an invitation, - right?
Therefore i remember feeling quite excited.
I was assigned a place and it was outdoors on a mountain ridge,
there were some naked rocks where I were supposed to stand.
And on my right side there was a deep U-shaped valley,
it was beautiful, it was a bit of Nordic habitat,
it was a mixed forest in the bottom of the valley
and a river meanderd melodically into lakes and onwards.
On the other side of this huge valley the forest thinned out
and turned in the heather- and juniperheathland.
There were a few bare rocks on the mountain top on the other side.
It was quiet.
It was like a late summer afternoon,
it was warm and fine where I stood.
The valley was so deep that no sounds came up from it.
Yet I could see it move down there.
One could, for instance, see a soundless wind sweeping over the lakes.
Then suddenly the blue surface sparkled
as a scattered sparklers that just disappeared.
You could also see flocks of birds seeking seeds of the trees.
The only thing I heard, actually,
it was a bee that flew a bit like, half a muddled up, against a bush
and searched for nectar in a few wild flowers that grew there, and then the bee went on.
Then, there was like a big Implosion.
An implosion is the antithesis of an explosion.
Both Leif and I had been through a tremendous explosion.
Twenty tons of propane had exploded.
By accident, we drove in there with our fire engine.
Now it was an implosion.
And when the implosion begins it comes from the outside of everything and go to the center.
So what I could see in this amazing valley
was ripped of. It started at the far end of the periphery
and ripped everything of and took the shape of an eye up on the sky.
In Iris, I could see, were all the things that we see on Earth's surface.
We saw, earlier today, a picture of Earth taken from space.
Did you think about how this blue and white pearl with its greenish yellow continents look very alive
when we see it against a velvet black sky like this?
Just as living was the Iris in this eye.
I could see every continent,
I could see every ocean, I could see every little stream bed.
Every little sandbank was manifested in the eye's iris.
And then I saw, that from the pupil, the pupil black as the night,
there were energy, radiating.
The energy was so powerful. Immediately I felt very small.
I felt smaller than a mosquito, which are easily killed
when you think that it is on the wrong arm.
This force, it was as if all the force was in a single bundle of energy.
I lowered my eyes, I remember, almost like I was embarrassed
when I saw this incredible force.
But before I lowered my eyes, I saw another quality in this energy
and it was love.
This eye radiated not only an immense force, but also an incredible love.
And all of a sudden I saw that there was nothing threatening in this energy
and therefore I could look a bit longer
and then I saw a third grade that was knowledge.
Or rather, the deepest, if not the highest knowledge;
wisdom. That is knowledge that is experienced.
So, this eye radiated three energies.
It was a tremendous force,
it was a wonderful love®
and it was a fantastic knowledge.
I saw that this energy flowed out from the pupil.
I also saw that the flow was bidirectional, so that energy also went back into the eye.
And it was like this eye leaned a bit back
and what the eye saw, that was perfect.
And, therefore, I saw that in the corner of the eye it was like a glint of humor.
And I do not know if you've thought about it,
when you look, for example at a farmer, who have sown his fields in spring
and some rain comes, some spring rain
and one morning when he goes out overlooking his fields
he sees that it has started to shift in light green.
Can you imagine the contentment that the farmer feels overlooking his fields?
He sees it’s perfect, there will be a good harvest.
Can you see the glint of humor?
Or have you felt it yourself sometime maybe when you've built a porch,
sewed a pair of curtains,
or maybe washed your grandchildren and when you look upon it you feel it was good.
It’s a nice feeling, right?
This experience took ten years for me to put into words.
Because I was afraid I would ruin it if I told it.
And I remember when I told about it for the first time I felt just that:
- oh no, it was not possible to tell.
There are no words that can dress this experience
in terms that make it all fair.
Later in life I have thought that, you have to be satisfied with that words are not always enough.
Should I be able to pass it on I must dare to portray it, including in words.
But the most important thing that has become of this
is to portray it in different ways in my life.
Some reflections based on what I experienced and what it has meant to me.
To begin with, when I woke up
after two months in a burn wound clinic I was in an extremely vulnerable position.
I was in the hands of other people.
I was totally in the hands of other people.
I also had a strong need to process these horrific impressions
running through burning propane,
but I was somehow rocked in a single, inner, trust
And this experience of this eye is a symbol of that.
Sometimes when I have talked to, eg, religious people, I have received comments that:
- you saw God, they say!
And I do not know if I have done, I would not want to label it.
Partly because I think that any description of God is to diminish the deity.
But also because this was for me, really more, the source of life.
Being so close to death that I was during the unconscious period
I was also extremely close to the source of life.
For me this is three spiritual qualities that I think we all have.
I think we all are connected with a life force,
a force to create and do things.
I think we all have a living source of love within us
that we sometimes unconsciously projects a bit like this and that
and think that there are other people or things that give us love.
I see love more as a source within each of us.
And I can also say that each one of us has a supreme knowledge
that we are not always aware of, but is lying there like a life-skill.
When there is balance between these three qualities in our life
then it is rather fun. Then we have a glimpse of humor.
But when it limps somewhere around here, no action is complete.
How do you feel when you have no power to act?
You have a good will, and you know what you need to do.
But you can’t, because you don’t have force.
Is there anyone here who knows how it is to be a parent of young children?
Do you recognize this? Of course we do!
Something that is fundamentally good has been destroyed, but it doesn’t get done
and then a bit of this effect goes away.
Or what if this quality is missing?
If we have power to act and we have a great knowledge, but we're out of love.
Have you thought about love...
Is it a shortage of love in our culture?
Or in our universe? Is it running out of love, really?
If you hug your children too often, will there be no hugs left for the grandchildren?
Or is it perhaps the case that if we do not channel this energy, then it will be in short supply.
And agree with me that the act won’t be whole unless we have a good will in the bottom.
And what happens if we do not really understand the consequences of what we do?
We mean well and we act
but we don't have a feeling that it actually could go wrong if we are not careful.
Then we also lose this receipt here of an entire act.
What was it then that radiated from the eye which consisted of these three qualities?
Well, My reflection is;
the energy that flowed from the source of life;
It’s us.
We have access to these three qualities
and we can experience, we can create,
we can search through this valley, which symbolically represents
either a vale of tears or a paradise, depending on what we perceive.
You should know that I saw nothing convicting in this eye.
I saw nothing moralizing in this eye.
I did not feel that there was any kind of sense of failure in this eye.
I experienced the opposite - everything is perfect.
Today we have listened to many people who have shared ideas on this TEDx-event.
People who have acted with power, with good intentions
finding the way forward.
We have felt joy
and we have understood that in their success it must have felt good.
So my appeal to everyone in here,
use your spiritual qualities and act.
We have something to tell, later, when I’ll see you at home.
Thank you!