I've been thinking a lot lately about bad decisions and not just the bad decisions that
other people have made, that maybe you have made, but the bad decisions that I've made.
And when I think about where they've come from, they tend to have a couple of common
components. First you got someone in the transition period of their life. They don't know what
to do, they're confused. And in that confusion, they go seeking advice. But unfortunately,
the bad decision arises when they take the wrong advice. They listen to the wrong person.
Now, the thing is, this is avoidable and it should be obvious, but a lot of people don't
know who should I take advice from and how do I actually know which advice is bad before
I try it. So that's what this video is about.
If you're in a transition period, it's gonna be excellent for you or if you find yourself
just bombarded with people in your life that are telling you what to do, this can help.
So here's the first thing. When you're considering who to take advice from, only ever take advice
from people who are living the life you want in that particular field. Now it seems incredibly
obvious, but all the time, maybe you've experienced this, maybe you've done this. Have you ever
gone to a friend asking for career advice from that friend that doesn't have a career
that you want, or you, guys, have seen this all the time, you got a girl's number, "What
should I text her?" I see you guys asking their buddies who have never had a successful
girlfriend, you know, or texting someone that went well.
You need to ask the people who have done what you want to do. They're the ones that have
the answers. Now, in my own life, I came up against a stark realization of this when I
wanted to quit my job to start the company that became Charisma on Command.
At that time, I just dreamed that I was going to move to Brazil, I was going to bring my
friends, we'd hang out on the beach, we drink caipirinhas, and we'd find a way to pay for
it all. It was kind of a selfish dream, but it was my dream at what? 23, 24 years old.
And when I started talking to people about leaving, starting a business, across the board,
everyone in my job, all of my friends, my family, said "Do not do it. That's a ridiculous
idea. It can't be done. Maybe when you're 65, after you've earned it, and you've moved
up, then you can do it."
I want to tell you how I knew not to take that advice. First thing is when you're trying
to figure out if someone's giving you a good advice is this--Look at them. You can see
where their advice has taken them, and immediately, that ruled out the people that were giving
me advice.
I looked around and I saw not bad people but the futures that I didn't want. I saw the
people around me and the company, and I didn't want their job. I saw friends that were moving
up in their companies, and, honestly, I didn't want their path either. Even my family, God
bless them, I love them all, but I did not want to be a counselor like my mom, or a salesman
like my dad. I wanted this ridiculous dream of moving to Brazil and no one had done that.
So they were immediately removed. But, say, that even that was enough to convince you.
The second thing that you can do is go to the people who have followed their advice
and see what happened, right? If you're trying to vet whether you should hire somebody, either
in consulting or a business coach or anything like that, go to the people that they've worked
with and ask them, "What has taking their advice done for you?" And in my own life I
applied this, right? I looked around--friends that are on this path, cousins that were a
little bit older. It did not look like anything that I wanted for myself. So that, again,
threw it out. This makes it very simple, but the third thing that's gonna drive it home
is, "Okay, maybe I'm willing to try this advice, but can I test it quickly?" And the answer
for this, the advice that I was getting was spend another year and a half in your job,
go to MBA school for 2 to 3 years, then come back, lateral _ thing, and then, 10 years
later, then you'll, maybe, have enough money to go do this thing after your friends are
all married and nobody wants to go to Brazil with you, which was not a testable subject.
And I hoped, purposely, I understand a lot of you have never seen me interact with another
person. This is a YouTube channel. The only way I can talk to you is one to one on video.
So the way that I hoped that I build credibility with you is not through a college that I went
to or a GPA or somebody saying that I've done a TED Talk or whatever that is. I hope that
it's by you, testing the things that I say and getting results.
Honestly, if you're not doing that, then you're not gonna get value out of the channel. So,
the third thing, can you test their advice quickly, if you can, you know what? Give it a shot,
but that's how to rule people out of your life.
And, unfortunately, for me, at this point in my life, I've ruled out every single person
I knew. Nobody was living the life I knew. So I knew what not to do to get this Brazil
dream, but I didn't know what to do, and that's where, thank god, the internet and books came
in.
You can get digital mentors and they are out there. So, if there's something in your life;
if you think it's an impossible dream and you're like me--you grew up in the suburbs,
you don't have a lot of people around you who have, maybe, done it before, get on the
internet. Find someone who has done it before. The 4-Hour Workweek, in this case, became
my bible, became the guide that laid out, basically, the first year of the existence
of Charisma on Command--the way that we were going to grow the company. And within that
year, I picked up, I moved to Brazil.
And I don't just mean from a, here's the website, I have to start here, so I have to get customers.
I mean the mindsets. Oftentimes, that stuff is the most important. So if you guys have
something in your life--I realized I'm talking generally--an area of your life, that maybe
I can point you towards a resource that has helped me, write in the comments.
For getting out of your job, starting a business, great place to start 4-Hour Workweek, with
other stuff, let me know, I can point you towards a good resource, but that's steps
1 and 2-- who not to follow, who to follow. The third thing is you're a human being, right?
And it is tough.
You feel schizophrenic when you're the only one out there who has this vision of going
to Brazil and everyone else thinks that you're crazy. So what you need to do is find friends
that, maybe, they don't have a template to do it, but they're supportive. And the question
that I recommend you ask yourself right now is which friends, family members, co-workers
do I have that are genuinely invested in my happiness, even if it means I change. And
which friends, family members, and co-workers do I have that are really only invested in
keeping our relationship at status quo. And you'll know this because the ones that want
the status quo, whenever you start to change, even for the better, they shoot it down. They
tell you that you're not really good at improv comedy, and that it wouldn't work out if you
did that stand-up mic. Whatever it is, they tend to shoot it down.
The ones that are into change, that are invested in your happiness see you growing in a positive
direction, going to the gym, and they give you praise for trying. They don't have the
path, necessarily, but they will get behind you. Surround yourself with as many of those
people as you can, and cut out the ones that do not want you to be happy, unless it means
you not change anything. You won't be happy, you will not change, and it will go to a bad
place. And it sucks when those people are close to you, but you have to limit it if
you want to make a big change and take the right kind of advice.
Those are the first three pieces. The fourth thing often gets missed on people, and it's
this. When you're going through a big change in life, you're not just absorbing a skillset,
right? If you're here on Charisma on Command, you're starting to do the things that we say
in other videos in terms of how to interact with people.
Yes, there's a skillset there, but you are also absorbing a life philosophy, you're absorbing
that, yes, you can change your personality into a positive way. You can present yourself
better and that's not a bad thing to do. There are certainly people out there that it's:
one, impossible, and, two, immoral, right?
So you're absorbing some kind of a life philosophy. I see this in marketing. People want to learn
to get better, they go to go to a guy who's a liar. And, yes, they get better marketing.
They sell stuff but they become liars in their writing in and in their life. So, personally,
kind of had a very bad experience with this.
When I was younger, I was very shy, and the first place that I went, because this was
the most frustrating part for me, to get over that shyness was to_ things like how do I get a girlfriend,
and a huge thrust of that community at the time--Pick-up Artists Community--was Alpha
and Beta, and I looked at it and went, "Crap, I'm beta." You know, the way I'm doing this
is going terribly. And so, for probably a couple of weeks, even bordering on months,
I started to try to not be that. That meant that I wouldn't do people favors when they
ask.
When they ask me to, "Hey, can you hold this for me?" I'd give them back talk or just ask or crack
a joke. And so, over the course of a couple of weeks, sure, maybe some of the responses
I got from women who liked that kind of jerk guy went better, but that morality that I
absorbed was becoming who I was, and thank god, I had someone I was on a trip to a museum
and she just yelled at me in the middle of this museum for being such a jerk, the kind
that snapped me out of it. I went, "What am I doing? Is this how I want to be?"
So, ask yourself. Whenever you're learning from anyone in business, in dating, relationships,
whatever it is, when you're in that transition period, you are receptive, and you are absorbing
a life philosophy. Do you want that life philosophy? Do you want, perhaps, the anger that they
feel? Do you want the combative nature with which they view the world? Do you want the
kind of scarcity that they feel around money? Do you want to make a buck at the expense
of your integrity? These are all questions you have to ask yourself, and I recommend
that even if you do find somebody who's effective and has done it, but they don't match your
morality and your ethics, then you let it go. It's not worth it. There's so many good
people out there that can lay you down the path that has a strong life philosophy and
a good skillset, it's just not worth it to go through the experience that I have of picking
up these bad habits, and then, trying to tear them down, so that you don't become a jerk.
So, I hope that that's helpful in terms of advice, who to take it from, who to not. This
was not intended to be the video that I did this week. In fact, this week has been incredibly
interesting for me, that's to say the least. I don't want to tease you too much. I've learned
a ton and I'm really, really excited to share what happened this week, what you can take
from it, because I think it's perhaps one of the most important things I learned. But
I didn't do it because I haven't wrapped my head around it totally yet, and I don't want
to come out of the gun, teach you guys some things that I haven't fully integrated myself.
So, be on the lookout for that. I'm hopeful that in the next week or two I'll have something
very, very good and exciting for you guys on YouTube, of course.
Also, Game of Thrones, new breakdown coming. Muhammad Ali, rest in peace, somebody I should
have done way before he died, but for all the videos that came in, I want to do one
of him. So if you're interested in all of that, hopefully, in the next few weeks, make
sure to subscribe to the channel. I'm really excited for what's coming in the next few weeks.
Of course, if you have any comments about things that you'd like to learn, advice that
you would like in certain areas, or gurus that I can point you to where I don't have
the answers, I will try to point you in the right direction in the comments. And, of course,
I hope that you've learned something here. I hope that you are testing the advice that
I am giving you and finding it worthwhile, because if not, shame on you, you need to
do that or get off the channel, but I hope that you're enjoying this and I'm looking
forward to seeing you in the next video.