Is Prince Harry a narcissist? This is a very common question I get on this channel,
and honestly a very reasonable one.
Years ago, Prince Harry used to be one of the most popular royals. He and his brother
along with Katherine had wonderful chemistry. Royal photographers and
journalists enjoyed being on engagements with him.
“Harry was the most popular member of the Royal Family as far as this newspaper was
concerned and as far as I was concerned. If you went on a tour with Harry it was fun!”
He was always jovial and made the most of his role,
especially when it came to his work in Africa.
Fast forward to 2022, and his popularity is in free fall. Everyone of his comments - whether on
the climate, mental health, or even free speech are all received by the public with derision.
“There’s so much I want to say about the first amendment. As
I still don’t understand it, but it’s bonkers.
Why derision you ask? Well it’s because of the way
Harry engages with the audience now. Which is in one of two ways
Victimhood status (i.e. Us vs. them thinking)
“Wondering whether my wife is going to end up like my mother, and I’ll have to take care of him.”
Elitist status - I know better, and as such can lecture people.
Starting from the ITV documentary where Harry said that he would “protect his
family” through the megxit process, the Oprah sit-down as well as the documentary
the me you can’t see - Harry’s rhetoric has been to amp up his status as Victim.
“You want to talk about history repeating itself, they’re not going to stop until she dies.
Potentially lose another woman in my life. Like the list is growing.”
As for Harry’s elitist, I know all behavior, Harry has found the inner confidence to comment on all
things like the American Constitution’s first amendment, calling it bonkers,
and the perils of misinformation to lecturing us on mental health and burnout.
Now if you’re wondering how a prince that literally grew up in a palace,
and is currently living in a multi-million dollar mansion with servants and nannies
is experiencing burn out - well you’re not alone.
In fact, let’s not forget the Spotify deal that Harry and Meghan signed against which they have
only delivered on one podcast. They’re hardly burning the midnight oil I see.
People might say, well he’s just trying to help people and raise awareness. Yes, true but
it’s about the way he overemphasizes himself, his own experience, his pain, his struggles.
And in addition, Harry is trying to position himself as a life guru,
here to help us regular folk to see just how lost we are.
A good comparison is brother vs. brother. How exactly does Prince William speak on issues?
“Do you feel like you’re in a better place now?” “Yeah, I became a dad in 2017.”
“Congratulations!” “I grew up without my father and
I have not had a father to look up at. And now I’ve got a child looking up at a father and I
don’t really know how I’m dealing with this. And I really struggled with my emotions at that time.”
“Things can come out of the blue that you’d never expect. Or maybe you think you’ve dealt with.
So I can completely relate to what you’re saying about children coming along. It’s one of those
amazing moments of life. But it’s also one of the scariest. Your dad would be very proud of you.”
“As your mum would be.” “I appreciate that”
Can you spot the difference? William’s approach consistently is to bring attention to the cause,
and to the experts in the field. Overall his philosophy is that “This isn’t about me,
and I am not an expert”. He is simply a vessel to raise awareness - not his own profile.
Let’s use another example of comparisons - this time regarding the two brother’s
view of the impact of the lost of their mother, princess Diana.
The entire documentary - the me you can’t see - covers stories of people struggling with their
mental health - but the main focus is Prince Harry and his struggles with losing his mom.
Contrast with how prince William thinks about the impact of his loss.
William - “i think when you are believed at a very young age anytime really but particularly
young age i can i can resonate closely to that you feel pain like no other pain
and you know that in your life it's going to be very difficult to
come across something that's going to be even worse pain than that but it also brings you
so close to all those other people out there who have been braved so you instantly when you
talk to someone else you can almost see it in their eyes sometimes it's a weird thing to say
but i can you know somebody's particularly me someone's desperate to talk about grievance you
can kind of pick up on it quite quickly you can see it yeah they want to talk about it”
Immediately, Prince William shifts the focus onto other people,
and how the experience has given other people the comfort of speaking out about their losses.
So I’m not saying that Harry shouldn’t talk about his pain - no
not at all. But it’s how he uses his pain as a way to stand apart
from everyone else - and reinforce his special level of victimhood status.
This is a very narcissistic way of thinking - that they are against you.
They are working to destroy you. They want you to be a failure. They want
to control you. Because it’s black and white thinking that is born out of ego
rather than any sort of empathy or ability to see the other side of any situation.
So why do narcissists think like that? The predominant trait of a narcissist
is their belief that they are right about everything. They are the best,
and they are amazing, and if someone works against them - it is because of jealousy or resentment.
A narcissist is not capable of seeing their own deficiencies,
or how they may have acted in a way to push people away or make them feel mistreated.
“Did you think she was well received in the beginning?”
“Yes, far better than I expected” “My father, my brother, Kate,
and all the rest of the family were very welcoming. But it really changed after
the australia tour. After our south pacific tour.”
“That’s when we announced we were pregnant with Archie. That was our first tour.”
“It was also the first time that the family got to see how incredible she
is at the job. And that brought back memories.”
And if you listen to Harry’s perspective from the
Oprah interview to the Me you can’t see - his entire approach is we are perfect,
we didn’t do anything wrong, the family/the firm is to be blamed.
So, coming back to that question - is Harry a narcissist? No, he’s not.
But he is deeply in love with a narcissist,
and has changed his personality in order to keep his relationship going. Let me explain.
When a narcissist pegs you out of a crowd, and decides that you’re the one they’re
going to pursue, they arm themselves with a rapid understanding of your personality and your values,
and immediately embody those traits to reflect it back to you.
So in the early days they are actually getting you to fall in love with yourself.
And Narcissists really do look at partners as someone they need to
rescue by plucking them out of their pathetic existence and showing them the light.
Clip - Meghan showed me that I was trapped.
The way they do this is to overwhelm you with their love and verbal admiration.
They convince you that they see you as you truly
are, they see you in your best light, in a way that no one else ever has, can or ever will.
This process of being the center of the world in the eyes of the narcissist
actually fuels the narcissism within you.
We all have some amount of narcissism. For some it could be very high and for others very low,
and there are amounts that are considered healthy.
But being in love with a narcissist means that you’re drinking from the narcissism cup, because
they are showing you with upmost adoration just how perfect and perfectly misunderstood you are.
And the narcissist now helps you change the context of your past. Where you may
have been flexible and compromising in order to work well with your family or friends,
the narcissist with help you see that you were actually being taken advantage of,
and that it was wrong for people to ask you to make any concessions. You now start to see how you
have been a victim all along, and that everyone is out to under appreciate and control you.
“I was trapped, but I didn’t know I was trapped. “ “Do you think in some way she saved you?”
“Yeah, without question there was a bigger person. There were other forces at play.”
You have now adopted the narcissists world view.
And the reason the narcissist wants you to adopt this perspective is because it
makes it easier for them to control you - to separate you from family, and friends,
and create a narcissistic bubble where only the two of you exist and everyone else
is second class. It’s also the world view that keeps you in love with the narcissist.
If you buy into victim hood and us vs. them perspective, then every time one
of your previously trusted friends and family members cautions you against your narcissistic
partner - you immediately jump to “They’re trying to break us up.” They don’t want to see me happy.”
“They want to keep me compliant so they can use me.” And if going along to the superiority
elitist thinking you think “They want to destroy us because we’re so amazing and they’re jealous”.
The trouble with this sort of thinking is that it’s impenetrable by logic.
Nothing anyone ever says to you can now get through your narcissistic bubble.
But this way of thinking is not limited to just to relationships with narcissists.
In recent decades, the self esteem movement has been on the rise - its primary messaging
being that everyone is perfect, everyone is special, people don’t need to be criticized,
People only need to believe in themselves and in how amazing they are.
And any criticism is a form of control. Sound familiar?
On Twitter, I came across an amazing quote that talks about the importance
of recognition of your own insignificance. And sounds like such a strange thing to say
but realizing that you are not the center of everyone’s focus,
you are not the most important person in the room - is actually very freeing.
This is the philosophy that her majesty the queen, and Prince William and Katherine
take - recognizing that the attention on them is less about them as individuals and more so
about the ideals they embody. This is the primary difference between celebrity and royal thinking.
In marrying Meghan Markle, Prince Harry ended up subscribing to the celebrity
approach - making every conversation about him in an effort to grow his own brand.
But every time he comes out and speaks, the public collectively roll their eyes, and wonder if he has
any humility to recognize that there are so many things in this world that he doesn’t know
or understand. Nor does he realize how lucky he has been. And that he and Meghan aren’t
these mega superstars that the royal family wants to hunt and destroy fueled by their
ravenous jealousy and racism. That they are not in fact the the center of the universe.
There’s an incredible quote from Avatar in a scene
between one of my favorite characters of all time Uncle Iroh and his nephew.
Humility is the answer to a lot of our struggles in life,
and it is the answer to Prince Harry and his struggles with his public perception.
Or even the humility of recognizing that maybe both parties are to be blamed? And that
in a family - love, respect, and harmony come from a willingness to
recognize your own part in the problems, and make concessions and inroads.
But narcissism is the easier path since it’s a contact high. Why would harry
want to recognize his own mistakes when he can simply blame others for being jealous,
and continue to stay in the narcissistic bubble with Meghan?
Thank you for watching everyone. Please keep your questions about narcissism coming!
You can comment here or message me on Twitter or instagram. Also,
a few months ago I did publish a deep dive on the differences between Harry and William,
especially when it came to dealing with grief, so please do check it out.
Lastly, if you’re interested I do have a full playlist where
I analyze narcissism so do check that out as well!
Thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time!