So I'm uh,
giving a lecture on Aristotelian philosophy this Thursday after I'm done hitting on people in libraries and
usually you have to be a student to sit in but
I think I can make an exception for you.
*laughs, coyly* You're so great and so self-aware.
Tell me more about how you've healed from your emotional wounds.
I brought you some tea.
Cool. Thanks.
*"Please love me."*
Um.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
And this little ditty goes out to the gentleman in number 42B
who comes by every day with that fedora on his head.
I
F-ADORE you
*chuckles in superfluity*
*singing* You're just too good to be true...
*neighbours everywhere insert earplugs*
Oh you're going to see that movie at the theatre tomorrow at lunch time.
I'd love to come.
What?
I thought WE were having lunch tomorrow.
*"stop ruining my "chill" facade"*
You never double-book!
*"I will cut you."*
So I uh,
couldn't help but notice that you were a little late today.
If you need help fixing that watch, I
know a guy.
*"If you're late again, I will passive-aggressively set all your clocks forward half an hour."*
It's me.
Okay,
you like this person.
You need to do something to hint to them that you like them.
*"so that you don't end up crying alone in the bathtub again"*
Try to be a little bit vulnerable.
I like your sweater.
Nailed it.
*fake laugh*
Oh my gosh, you're so funny!
Have some chocolate and some lollies.
Hello.
*ruins all chances of potential relationship*
So that's what I think about climate change
and I'm pretty sure that I'm right, but
feel free to refute my points.
If you wish.
Yes.
Disagree with me.
That's the good stuff.
So what are your hopes and dreams!?
Tell me everything!
I want to know EVERY. SINGLE. LITTLE. THING ABOUT YOU!
*hits glass in excitement*
Oh my gosh I'm so sorry, are you okay??
Oh, phew.
I thought that was red wine; that would have caused a stain.
Oh it's coffee.
Well,
*offers filler statement in the hopes of still being charming*
Yes I am aware that coffee burns.
Would you like me to get you a tissue?
Oh no you need a hospital. Fml.
How does one communicate with someone that they like?
Maybe I should give them a smile.
*curls lips upward*
*it's super effective!*
There we go.
This is good.
Okay. Verging on creepy now.
Stop.
*fellow human does not respond well to awkward clown-face*
What are you doing, man?! Stop!
*human leaves*
*evokes nightmares*
Now this
is for you.
*moments before police show up*
So
I've got a fun idea for how I can conduct a deep-dive into your subconscious whilst seeming "fun" on the outside.
Okay so the premise of the game
is that we share with each other
our psycho-analyses of each other.
What do you mean you "haven't been psycho-analysing me this entire conversation"?
Yes you have.
You have a great intuition.
I can feel it.
No.
I'm right.
My ideals don't lie.
Hello?
Hey, Sarah. It's ah, it's James here.
Umm...
I think you're really cool and I was just wondering if
you'd like to go
to dinner sometime with me.
Is this really James?
Yes, this is really James.
Oh sorry, it's just
I've never heard you be kind before.
That's because F functions are for the weak.
Yes I am aware that coffee burns.
Would you like me to get a tissue...?
Oh no you'd like the hospital.
Okay, yeah-
Oh you have third-degree burns. Okay.
*singing* ...wanna hold you so much....
sorry *clears throat*
*tries to hit note again*
*shy laughter* sorry.
We'll be back in just a minute.
*clears throat*
*vocal exercises*
... hold you so mu....
Hello.
Is it me you're looking foooorrr???