Questioner: Sadhguru, we youngsters now-a-days have less control over our emotions.
So how to react in situations where our beloved or closed ones betray us (Applause)?
Sadhguru: This girl is already heart broken, hmm (Few laugh)?
See, somebody can betray you or you can think they may betray you
only because you have unrealistic expectations of them (Applause).
Well, if they do what they want to do, why do you think they have betrayed you?
They are doing what they want to do, you must respect it.
If you say, “They are beloved to me”, “I love them” - if you love a person,
should you let them do what they want to do, or should they do what you want them to do?
For most people, love means, “You must do what I want” (Few laugh/Applause).
No, no love means they can do what they want and we will love them, isn’t it?
You have this thing that “if I love you, you must listen to me (Laughter).”
No, no, if I love you, I want you to do what brings joy to you, isn’t it?
You must change the concept of your beloved.
Questioner: But Sadhguru, I have a doubt regarding this.
What if our loved ones are going in a way that’s not good for them and we want to
correct them and that’s why we are telling them.
Sadhguru: Then you should have been the mother (Laughter).
Because, I am not saying that it is never true that somebody maybe going off track and
you try to do something for them, I am not saying it’s never true.
But you don’t take this position that somebody is wrong and you’re going to fix them.
They are doing what they want to do, isn’t it?
What they want to do right now may not be beneficial for them, possible.
But you must look at it sincerely, are you complaining because it’s not beneficial
for them or you are complaining because it’s not
beneficial for you (Applause).
Most of the time it’s this.
Genuinely look at it, it’s not beneficial for you but it’s good for them, please,
let them do it, hmm.
But they are damaging themselves, yes, then you have a right to intervene and try to do
your best but not always, Not always can you enter somebody’s life
and do something for them.
If I have to enter your life and do something for you, I have to earn it, isn’t it?
I have to earn a relationship where I can intervene in your life.
If you don’t earn that, you cannot intervene.
So, if you are unable to intervene, you must just understand you have not earned that closeness
(Laughs).
Juhi Chawla: We have one question from the social media the Face book (Laughter).
Amit Madan wants to know in this materialistic age the real feeling
of love is disappearing from our life, most of the love we receive from others
and express to others is superficial.
How can we reinforce the real feeling of love in our own life and in others?
Sadhguru: Forget about others.
If you if you learn to be loving
by your own nature not because of somebody else or something
else.
I know the question is coming from Facebook there’s an enormous possibility (Laughter).
You can even love those people who don’t even exist (Laughter).
So, I’m saying it’s a tremendous possibility., So (Laughs)
if you just become love, not love somebody
then you will know the nature of love.
If you love somebody it’s a fickle happening
because no human being will happen a hundred percent the way you want them.
Every human being on this planet is going to disappoint you believe me
not because they’ll do something wrong because nobody can fulfill the unrealistic
expectation you have of them.
It’s simply not possible., Have you been able to fulfill anybody’s
expectation I’m asking you entirely?
Partially but never entirely, isn’t it?
So nobody else will be able to do it unless you’re a still such a hopeless romantic
you’re still waiting that ideal person is going to come from somewhere –
No!
Believe me whoever comes, I want you to know the ideal people whom you
worship when Krishna was there his wives complained
(Laughter) all right?.
Juhi Chawla: So there is no hope for us please remember this.
(Sadhguru): The needs within a human being have risen
because of a certain sense of incompleteness.
People are forming relationships to experience a certain sense of completeness
within themselves.
When you have a good relationship with someone dear to you,
you feel complete.
When you don’t have that, you feel incomplete.
Why is this so?
Because this life, this piece of life is a complete entity by
itself.
Why is it feeling incomplete?
And, why is it trying to fulfill itself by making a partnership with another piece
of life?
Fundamental reason is that we have not explored this life in its
full depth and dimension.
Though that is the basis, there is a complex process of relationships
as such.
There are expectations, and
expectations and expectations and expectations.
The expectations that most people are creating are such
that there is no human being on the planet who could ever fulfill those expectations.
In the process of holding a relationship, the first moment of meeting the expectations
may be common.
But as every step that we take in life, the expectations may become different.
Because these expectations keep changing in people,
they are not consistent and they cannot be.
One person may be consistent with the same expectation throughout their life;
another person’s expectations may be changing because his perception and experience of life
is changing.
Now relationships become great conflict.
More conflict is happening within the four walls of the homes
than is happening anywhere on the planet.
Only thing is bombs are not exploding so you don’t hear it.
They may be giving each other silent treatment.
(Participants Laugh) It is happening because peoples expectations
are changing and they are not changing at the same pace;
Fundamentally, why have we sought a relationship?
Because you find yourself that without a relationship, if you do not have any kind of relationship
in your life then you become depressed.
So, fundamentally, you are seeking a relationship because you want to be happy,
you want to be joyful.
Or in other words you are trying to use the other
as a source of your happiness.
if you are happy by your own nature, now relationships will become a means for
you to express your happiness not to seek happiness.
If you are forming relationships to seek happiness and trying to squeeze happiness out of somebody
and that person is trying to squeeze happiness out of you,
now this is going to be a painful relationship after some time.
Initially it may be ok because something is being fulfilled.
But if you have become a joy by yourself and you are forming relationships because
you want to express your happiness, nobody is going to complain about you
because you are in the process of expressing your joy
not seeking joy from the other person.
So if your life becomes an expression of your joy,
not in pursuit of happiness then relationships will be naturally wonderful.
You can hold a million relationships and still hold them good.
Now, this whole circus of trying to fulfill somebody else’s expectations does not arise
because if you are an expression of joy anyway they want to be with you.