Should I apologize to my ex? And if so, how do I go about doing it? That's what we're
going to be talking about in this video. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life.
We help you get the great loving relationship that you're looking for without having to
play mind games, without having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be
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We are talking about how to apologize to your ex, or if you do need to apologize to your
ex. And by the way, we do have a course called Connect and Commit. It does walk you through
how to apologize to your ex. It also helps with six other situations. It covers seven
situations. One of them is apologizing, but the other six situations... If apologizing
to your ex or the other six situations apply to what you're going through, it's probably
a pretty good course for you to sign up for. You can check it out down in the description
box below, but if the seven situations don't apply to you, don't sign up.
So, apologizing to your ex. I know that people often feel compelled to do this especially
if they did something wrong during the breakup. I'm sure that you probably did apologize to
your ex in the initial stages of the breakup. It's something that a lot of us feel compelled
to do like me, for example, back when me and my big ex broke up, the several times that
we did, but that is a story for another day. You may want to apologize to your ex, first
of all, if you're just watching this video because you have some breakup from a while
back and you just feel guilty about what happened between you and your ex and you just want
to clear the air, yeah, go ahead and do that. That can really be helpful. It absolutely
can remove the emotional block.
If you're actively interested in getting back together with your ex as well too, this can
definitely help with that as well too because oftentimes when I'm on a coaching call with
someone, what I'm really listening for is where is there an emotional block in the ability
for them and their ex to really connect fully. What's standing in the way? Is it hurt feelings?
Is it something that happened in the past? Is it resentment? Is it bitterness? Is it
something else entirely? And if something like that is in the way, it can definitely
make sense to apologize to your ex.
Here's a story just to give you a little bit of background. Me and my ex, my big ex, we
broke up for the final time back in 2006. Basically, what happened is we broke up, we
got back together, we broke up, we got back together, and we broke up. The final breakup
was when I realized that, okay, we just have different values in life. We just want different
things in life. And in order for us to be together, one, if not both of us, is going
to end up being unhappy. So it just made sense for us to go our separate ways. Anyway, we
didn't really still part on the best of terms because I was a very emotionally immature
23-year-old. And so we didn't part on the best terms. And so about, I think it was a
year or two later down the road, I was going through this phase in my life where I just
wanted to clean up some relationships that weren't exactly in the best of shape.
She was on that list. So just out of the blue, I just decided to send her a message after
maybe a year or two just letting her know, "Hey, I know that we have our history. I just
wanted to let you know that I'm sorry for these things that happened. I know that you
just really wanted this at the time." I just laid it out there. Actually, she ended up
writing back to me. I think it was a day or two later. And we ended up talking and engaging
in a little bit of back and forth conversation. She had gone on and gotten married to someone
else at that point, and so it was a little bit weird because I didn't want to be the
other guy or anything like that. I got a little bit of a moral thing about violating a ring
here so I didn't do that, but still it did allow us to connect. It did allow us to bond
and did clear a way that emotional blockage that was still kind of standing between the
two of us.
And so it can be valuable for you to apologize to your ex whether it's something from long
ago or whether it's something that you're in the thick of right now. Just so you know,
we've helped people remove that emotional blockage when they're in the thick of it right
now, when something happens maybe last week or last month or something like that between
them and their ex. And we can absolutely use the same strategy to loosen that up and clear
the path for emotional connection. By the way, if you do want to know more about emotional
connection, we do have a video playlist on what we call Advanced Relational Skills, which
help you to connect emotionally with your ex. That video playlist is in a video card
right up there in the corner. You can check it out if you want to learn more about it
if you are new to this channel, because maybe someone before you hit that thumbs up button.
You may want to learn more about those advanced relational skills. We talk about them a lot
because they are very important when it comes to building an emotional connection, which
in my perspective and in my view on relationships, the emotional connection is probably one of
the most important elements. So we do focus a lot on that. Anyway, the Advanced Relational
Skills playlist, it goes into them and should give you a good foundation.
What you want to do when you apologize to your ex is, first of all, you don't just want
this to be a normal apology where it's like, "Oh yeah, I'm really sorry this happened."
Like the worst one, "I'm really sorry that you feel hurt by what I did." That's not a
real apology, but no... How you want to apologize is first start by just explaining how you
think that they were affected by what you did, how you think that they feel. Here you're
showing a little bit of empathy, allowing them to see that you're trying at least to
put yourself in their position so that you're not just like, "Oh yeah, I'm sorry," but it's
like, "Wow, you must have felt really hurt by those things that I said," or "When I did
that and I promised I'd do the other thing, you must've felt really betrayed. You couldn't
trust me. It must have been really frustrating and agonizing for you." We're actually putting
ourselves in their position and imagining what their view of the world might look like.
Second of all, we want to give them some context for why we did what we did. We don't... It's
not just like, "Well, I'm sorry, take it or leave it." But it's also like, "Hey, at the
same time, I was just so caught up with this," or "I was too busy thinking about myself,"
or "I was too concerned about this other thing that I just didn't even stop to think about
what you were feeling. I'll admit I dropped the ball. But this is what led me to behave
that way." That way they don't have to kind of make assumptions and fill in the blanks
in their own mind and say, "Oh, you did it because you suck," or "You did it because
you never cared about our relationship," or "You did it because you're an insensitive
person," or something like that. But they have some sort of understanding for why you
did what you did.
And then you also want to talk about how what you did affected you so that you can also
show them that, hey, it's not like you're just acting blindly and you're some sort of
impervious person that has no feelings or something. I know that some dating and relationship
people will tell you that that's what you want to do. You want to be some sort of bulletproof
robot or something, but no, we don't want to be in a relationship with a robot. I don't
know. I don't know anyone... Does anyone actually want to do... I guess there's robot fetishist.
Wow, this is a tangent.
After that what you want to do is you want to apologize without defense. You have those
three things as the setup for the apology, then the apology is going to take a lot better
because you're at least trying to put yourself in their position. You're giving them some
context to understand why you did what you did. You're giving them some context to let
them know how what you did affected you as well too. And then you can actually put a
genuine apology out there which actually allows them to say, "Okay, this is actually a sincere
apology. This isn't just like, Oh, hey, I'm sorry that you feel hurt by what I did, not
one of those things." It's actually a real apology. That's what I'd recommend that you
do if you want to apologize to your ex.
I would really only recommend that you do it if there's something that you actually
feel you need to apologize for. Don't apologize just for the sake of apologizing, but only
apologize if it's like, "Okay, yeah, I know I screwed up. I know that I should have done
this instead of that. And I genuinely do feel bad about it." Don't just do it just because
you're just looking for something to do, because you're hoping that it's going to get your
ex to let down their guard or something. But only do it if you genuinely feel a sense of
remorse for something that you did. Okay? That's what I'd recommend that you do.
Once again, you might want to check out that course called Connect and Commit. There's
a link for it down in the description box of this video. It's not particularly expensive.
It will help you out in seven situations. If you're not in one of those seven situations,
don't get it. But if you are on one of those seven situations, it probably will help you
out so make sure that you read what those seven situations are. Anyway, thank you so
much for watching this video. If you did like it, again, hit that thumbs up button and subscribe
to the channel down below. You might also want to check out this video series over here
on Advanced Relational Skills or this video right here. But once again, my name is Clay
with modernlove.life. Thank you so much, and I'll talk to you next time.