♪ James: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO "THE LATE LATE SHOW."
HOPE YOU HAD A PLEASANT DAY. WE SO APPRECIATE YOU BEING HERE
WITH US RIGHT NOW. LET'S MEET OUR GUESTS ON THE
SHOW TONIGHT, SHE'S A TREMENDOUS ACTOR, WRITER, AND DIRECTOR, YOU
KNOW FROM "PASSING," "FROST/NIXON," AND SO MUCH MORE,
,ABLY ONE OF THE MOST TALENTED PEOPLE ON PLANET EARTH, THE SPEK
LACK LAR, THE SENSATIONAL REBECCA HALL
HE'S AN OSCAR AND EMMY WINNING WRITER, DIRECTOR AND PRODUCER
RESPONSIBLE FOR "ANCHORMAN," "SUCCESSION," "THE BIG SHORT,"
AND SO MUCH MORE, HIS LATEST FILM, "DON'T LOOK UP," WAS JUST
NOMINATED FOR FOUR OSCARS, THE INCREDIBLE, ADAM MCKAY!
>> James: AND NOW LOOK, I'VE GOT TO LEVEL WITH YOU, WE DON'T
KNOW IF HE'S GOING TO BE ABLE ABLE TO MAKE IT BECAUSE HE'S HAD
A PRETTY LONG DAY ALREADY AT THE PARADE, I DON'T KNOW IF HE HAS
BEEN TO BED SINCE SUNDAY NIGHT BUT OUR FINGERS ARE CROSSED, WE
HOPE WE WILL BE JOINED BY NONE OTHER THAN THAT LOS ANGELES RAM
AND SUPER BOWL CHAMPION, ARGUABLY THE GREATEST PLAYER ON
THE FIELD RIGHT NOW, OUR AARON DONALD IS HERE TONIGHT!
WE HOPE. BIG SHOW, I THINK WILL COME, I
THINK WILL COME. ALTHOUGH HE DID LOOK SQUIFF
YVMENT BUT DO YOU KNOW WHY I THINK WILL COMING WHY I THINK HE
WILL BE HERE. >> WHY.
>> James: NOT FOR YOU, NOT FOR ME, NOT FOR ANY OF YOU, NOT FOR
REBECCA, NOT FOR ADAM, YOU KNOW WHY, BECAUSE ACTUALLY THE
MVA'S, THE VIP'S ARE IN THE HOUSINGS THEY HAVEN'T BEEN HERE
IN LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA OR THIS SHOW FOR TWO YEARS, MY MOM
AND DAD, MARGARET AND MALCOLM ARE IN THE AUDIENCE UD YENS.
>> M & M ALL GOOD, DAD. >> YEAH, ALL RIGHT, YEAH, GOOD,
GREAT. >> THE MASK IS WHAT, JUST
POINTLESS FOR YOU? >> THEY SAID WE COULD TAKE THEM
DOWN WHEN WE WERE SPEAKING TO YOU.
>> James: OH, DID THEY? >> YES, WE HAVE PERMISSION.
>> James: I. >> I MEAN I KNOW THAT'S NOT A
PHRASE, PEOPLE TAKING THINGS DOWN WHEN ARE YOU SPEAKING TO
THEM. (LAUGHTER).
>> James: ALL RIGHT, IT'S LIKE THAT, IS IT?
I GET IT. I GET IT.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO SLEEP TONIGHT?
(LAUGHTER) WE'RE THRILLED THAT ARE YOU
HERE, SO HAPPY ARE YOU HERE, THANKS FOR COMING, MOM AND DAD.
WE CAN WAIT NOT A SECOND BECAUSE IT'S TIME FOR, THE NEWS.
IT'S BEEN REPORTED THAT PRESIDENT BIDEN HAS OFFICIALLY
ORDERED THE RELEASE OF DONALD TRUMP'S WHITE HOUSE VISITOR LOGS
TO THE JANUARY 6TH COMMITTEE. TRUMP HAD BEEN FIGHTING THE
RELEASE, CLAIMING EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE.
AND YOU KNOW IT'S BAD FOR TRUMP, BECAUSE WHEN HE HEARD BIDEN WAS
RELEASING THE LOGS TRUMP WAS LIKE,
(FRANTIC) WAIT ANYONE WANT TO SEE MY
TAXES? THE VISITOR LOGS SHOW
INDIVIDUALS WHO WERE ALLOWED TO ENTER THE WHITE HOUSE ON JANUARY
SIXTH. THIS IS BASICALLY THE EQUIVALENT
OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND GOING, OH, YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO HIDE?
THEN GIVE ME YOUR PHONE. IN OTHER NEWS, MARK ZUCKERBERG
SENT OUT A STAFF-WIDE EMAIL YESTERDAY INFORMING EMPLOYEES
THAT HE WANTS THEM TO BE KNOWN AS META-MATES.
BEFORE THE CORPORATE NAME CHANGE, THEY WERE KNOWN AS
FACEBOOKERS. I'D RATHER HAVE ZUCKERBERG JUST
STRAIGHT-UP STEAL ALL OF MY DATA THAN CALL ME HIS META-MATE.
I WOULD RATHER HE WALKED UP AND JUST PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE AS
HARD AS HE CAN. IMAGINE IF WE DID THIS, HERE.
IF WE WERE LIKE HEY GUYS, WE DECIDED WE COO BE CALLED
LATELATEMATES, IMAGINE, META MATES SOUNDS LIKE A DRUNK
AUSTRALIAN A DRUNK AUSTRALIAN TRYING TO
INTRODUCE HIS FRIENDS. ( ATTEMPTING AUSTRALIAN ACCENT )
THESE ARE MY METAMATES, CROCODILE AND BOB.
MOM, DAD, DO YOU HAVE ANY >> DICKHEAD, I THINK.
>> LOVE. >> James: DO YOU REMEMBER YOU
SAYING THAT QUITE A LOT. MOM AND DAD COMING IN HOT, JUST
SO HAPPY TO BE IN LOS ANGELES. MOM IS GETTING HER BOOBS DONE
TOMORROW. (LAUGHTER)
THEY WERE, WATCHED PAM AND TOMMY.
>> I DON'T NEED ANY ENHANCEMENTS, JAMES.
I DON'T NEED ANY MORE. (APPLAUSE)
>> James: AND HERE'S SOME HUGE NEWS FOR US, HERE AT THE
NETWORK. STARTING TODAY, VIACOM/CBS WILL
NOW LEGALLY BE KNOWN AS PARAMOUNT GLOBAL, AND REFERRED
TO AS PARAMOUNT. LISTEN, I NEVER WORKED FOR
VIACOM/CBS ANYWAY. ( PANDERING )
I WORK FOR YOU, THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.
IN THE TIME THAT I'VE WORKED HERE, THE COMPANY'S BEEN CALLED
CBS, VIACOM, VIACOM/CBS, AND NOW IT'S PARAMOUNT.
AS IN, IT IS ABSOLUTELY PARAMOUNT THAT YOU GUYS STOP
CHANGING THE NAME OF THIS COMPANY.
WE'RE LEGALLY KNOWN AS PARAMOUNT GLOBAL.
VERY POWERFUL. NOT ONLY AM I A LATE-NIGHT HOST,
I'M NOW ALSO THE AMBASSADOR TO SOUTH KOREA.
NICK, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? IT WAS A STAFFWIDE EMAIL, RIGHT.
>> YEAH. >> FROM BOB.
>> WITH YEAH, NO, I THOUGHT IT WAS A GREAT IDEA, I LOVE T I'M
PROUD TO BE PART OF PARAMOUNT AND I THINK THE WHOLE STUDIO
AUDIENCE IS ALSO. (APPLAUSE).
>> James: YOU ARE [BLEEP] DISGUSTING.
>> I HAVEN'T RECEIVED MY BONUS YET AND I DON'T WANT TO DO
ANYTHING TO JEOPARDIZE IT SO PARAMOUNT IT IS.
>> James: WHEN DO YOU GET YOUR BONUS.
>> I DON'T KNOW. >> James: NORMALLY WHEN DO YOU
GET IT? >> NORMALLY I JUST WANT TO
REITERATE HOW MUCH I LOVE PARAMOUNT AS A THE NAME OF THE
COMPANY THAT WE ALL WORK FOR. (APPLAUSE).
>> James: LET'S KEEP IT WITH PARAMOUNT BECAUSE
>> James: AND THE HUGE ANNOUNCEMENTS FROM PARAMOUNT
JUST KEEP ON COMING. PARAMOUNT JUST ANNOUNCED THAT
THEY'RE MAKING A FEATURE-LENGTH ANIMATED FILM, THIS IS TRUE,
ABOUT "BABY SHARK." >> Reggie: NO, NO.
>> James: S CO-MING SOON
S DOO-DOO DOO-DOO DOO-DOO S COMING SOON
S DOO-DOO DOO-DOO DOO-DOO THE MOVIE IS BASED ON THE SONG
"BABY SHARK." IT'LL BE LIKE JAWS, EXCEPT ALL
THE PEOPLE IN THIS MOVIE ACTUALLY WANT TO DIE.
MOVING ON, THE NATION OF LIBYA HELD ITS FIRST-EVER BEAUTY
PAGEANT FOR, CHICKENS. NOW LOOK AT THIS,
>> James: THE CHICKENS WERE JUDGED ON THE BASIS OF THEIR
COLOR, SIZE, SHAPE, AND SHINE OF FEATHERS.
LOOK AT THAT CHICKEN. THE WINNER WAS CROWNED BEST
LOOKING CHICKEN. THE LOSER WAS, IF I'M HONEST,
DELICIOUS. VERY FRESH.
THERE WERE ACTUALLY TWO LEVELS OF COMPETITION.
THERE WAS A CATEGORY FOR ADULTS, AND THEN THIS ONE, FOR JUNIORS.
CAN WE HAVE A LOOK. LOOK AT THAT.
BEAUTIFUL COCK. >> BEAUTIFUL.
>> James: I DON'T HAVE I EVER SEEN A VIDEO WITH SO MANY
BEAUTIFUL COCKS. >> I DON'T THINK SINCE HIGH
SCHOOL HAVE I SEEN THAT MANY BEAUTIFUL COCKS.
>> COCKSWISE, THERE ARE BIG COCKS, SMALL COCKS, JUICY COCKS.
>> JUST A VIDEO FULL OF MAGNIFICENT COCKS.
>> THAT IS WHAT THEY SHOULD CALL IT, A FESTIVAL OF COCKS.
THEY SHOULDN'T CALL IT A PAGEANT FOR CHICKENS, IT SHOULD BE A
COCK FESTIVAL. >> COCK FEST.
>> James: THAT'S IT, COCK FEST.
MOM, MOM, YOU HAVE GOT TO AGREE. YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MANY
BEAUTIFUL COCKS. >> NEVER, EVER, NO.
>> James: AND IN LOCAL NEWS, THE SUPER BOWL CHAMPION LOS ANGELES
RAMS HELD THEIR VICTORY PARADE TODAY.
I LOVE HOW AMERICAN FOOTBALL IS ONE OF THE MOST BRUTAL GAMES IN
ALL OF SPORT, BUT IF YOU WIN, IT'S LIKE:
S LET'S HAVE A PAAAAARAAADE IT WAS JUST A SHORT DISTANCE,
BUT IT STILL TOOK SEVERAL HOURS. SO PRETTY MUCH LIKE ANY OTHER
DAY IN LOS ANGELES. AND HERE'S WHY WE'RE NOT SURE
AARON DONALD WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE IT TO THE SHOW TONIGHT.
HE WENT PRETTY HARD TODAY, TAKE A LOOK:
HE LOST THE SHIRT. >> James: HE MAY HAVE LOST HIS
SHIRT DURING THE PARADE BUT HE GAINED PERHAPS THE BIGGEST
BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE IN THE UNIVERSE.
WHEN GOD CLOSES A DOOR, HE OPENS A WINDOW.
LOOK AT HIM, HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE, HE LOOKS LIKE THE
INCREDIBLE HULK AT A BACHELOR PARTY.
IF I HAD MUSCLES LIKE THAT, I WOULD NEVER BE WEARING A SHIRT,
EVER. YOU WOULD INVESTOR SEE ME
CLOTHED. VICTORY PARADE, WEDDING,
PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCES, I'D BE ALL SKIN ALL THE TIME.
HE WAS DEFINITELY PARTYING PRETTY HARD.
HERE HE IS A LITTLE LATER GIVING A SPEECH,
HOPING TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN TONIGHT, SO IF I SLUR MY WORDS,
I APOLOGIZE, LIKE I SAID, I'VE BEEN DRINKING A LITTLE BIT.
I WANT YOU TO ENJOY THIS WITH US, MAN.
DRINK AS MUCH AS WE DO TONIGHT. AND LIVE IT UP!
WE WORLD CHAMPIONS. LET'S GO!
>> I LOVE IT. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT.
WHEN I WAS WATCHING THAT I WAS LIKE
IT MUST BE SO NICE TO DRINK FOR A WEEK STRAIGHT BECAUSE YOU'RE
HAPPY. WHAT'S THAT, ROB?
HE'S HERE? >> James: NO, HE'S HERE, HE'S
MADE IT, AND HE'S KEEPING THE PARADE
GOING? HERE HE IS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
SUPER BOWL CHAMPION AARON DONALD!
WITHIN I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT.
>> James: WE'LL BE CHATTING WITH AARON
DONALD WHEN WE COME BACK.