Um so i've just finished uploading my last exam for uni
That's three years
There's no more all-nighters, no more stressing, no more seminars and feeling awkward when
the teacher picks on you.
I feel cold.
I feel sick.
I actually feel sick.
For as long as have known life the only thing i have understood is exams that is my measure
of success and now it's just what?
Work and then retirement?
That's it just nine to five what a way to make a living.
Just look at my desk it's just notes.
This is me standing up for the first time since i don't have any more uni assignments.
WoW!
Water for the first time since not having any more uni assignments.
Tastes- tastes the same.
I don't know!
I don't- I don't HATHATHATHA- *dance break*
I feel like the uni degree that I'm doing I might not even go into the industry.
Like i might but I might not.
I need to get a job.
The problem is I do not want to be a slave to a corporation but I have to because my
parents they didn't immigrate for me to go to university and then be a slob!
If my parents can work 50 years in a job that they really despise why can't I?
Happiness does not bring money but at the same time money does not bring happiness...
so where do we go from here?
This is the sweet life
we got a sweet life!
I feel sick.
I feel stressed like.
This tree does not dream of labor its only existence is to eat sleep wax itself.
If I was a dog I wouldn't have to do anything!
I would just have to eat treats you know paws up wag my tail a little bit life sorted for
me you know?
Ah yeah i feel like crying.
I actually feel sick okay then let's do baby steps here.
Let's do baby steps don't think about the future just yet um haircut first all right
cool.
Second thing i need to do computer science what is this posture?
Am I auditioning for shark tales to act as the shrimp?
Am I cosplaying as the letter c?
That's how a human probably should stand like wow so tall!
Amazing just wow confident she's confident! *typing* It's the way i've gotten nerd neck
but i'm not even a nerd for this degree soo...
*I sing to ease the stress* I've got to say what's on my mind.
Something about me and youtube doesn't seem right these days.
I feel like I keep making excuses like life keeps getting in the way of my youtube and
then whenever I try to have like a consistent record somehow like my plans it kind of just
like slowly slips away...
>:)
Clean my body clean my hair because i have not washed my hair in days
This is not a cry for help - I'm fine!
I feel like I've given up so much of my mental health for this uni and this degree what am
i gonna get out of it just more mental health problems?
Forget all of this negative mental thinking I have been to a student counselling session
in a group therapy talking about anxiety and negative thought patterns and I know for a
fact that all of this rumination is just me afraid of the future!
I'm just afraid of failure I'm afraid of the unknown and I just keep talking negatively
to myself, when in actuality I am smart I'm resourceful I have an incredible work ethic
and everything will fall into place if I just try and if I try and it doesn't work out?
Fine, I learned something move on to the next step and you know what we are going to take
baby steps here and I'm going to cut my hair.
Well you know everything's going to be a breeze when the end will no doubt justify the means
and fix any problem with the slightest of ease yes please!
But you know what i am going to relax because I deserve relaxation
i feel like crying
hey everyone um ah i'm already crying.
I don't know just saying that out loud is like it's like hard for me to say that I you
know really deserve to just relax sometimes like i know I thought i know I'll like procrastinating
right but i still feel like i don't deserve to procrastinate like i'll do it anyway but
i'm still like you should be doing another thing you should be studying!
Well now i've got applications to do but until that happens i can just you know relax for
a little bit.
I deserve to have good things happen and i deserve to treat myself well because this
is the only body i've got you know your body is a temple!
Have you seen the state of her body?
Mad!
I deserve to be able to do things that i enjoy
like reading and drawing yeah life will be okay
God girl why are you crying?
Why am I cryiiiinn?
Just being faced with not your mediocrity but all these other people who are like super
talented i know like their success doesn't influence you on your own path in your own
journey but still a bit like GIRLL and grill are you gonna go get anywhere.
Like i'm just so used to comparing myself to literally everything so I'll compare myself
to myself my youtube channel back in the day to it now.
No matter what happens i still am cute!
I've been trying so hard for my entire life for basically everything right it's just like
i don't know childhood trauma.
And uni has just been really difficult for me just in terms of mental health.
I don't know I'm just like what is wealth?
Okay this is such an off-topic thing but i'm just like what is wealth you know what is
it?
I've never touched computer science literally ever and then you boom you've got something
due in the third week and then i'm just like screaming throughout my entire degree not
understanding it and then understanding it for the exam and then forgetting it.
I don't know i'm capable of stuff it's just scary not having any direction.
Or not knowing which direction to go even if you don't have a direction or just knowing
what are the directions are there?
Is there only one direction?
I think what's really helped me is Matt Haig's book the midnight library I read that during
a time where I was really struggling with everything and just like a mental crisis and
like personal evaluation and stuff and in that world this girl she realizes that all
these alternative universes that she thought she wanted it's not her own reality there's
still an infinite possibility of goodness in your own timeline and part of living is
feeling the pain.
It's feeling those experiences knowing that they're yours and it's the fact that there's
so much possibility and you could just shape your life in any way that can happen and just
it was very inspiring and I'm like freaking 10 out of 10.
[I'm going to get a] take away treat myself to some artery cloaking but really delicious
food.
I'll clean my bathroom I'll clean the toilet and I'll book a hair appointment.
No one told you life was gonna be this way
wish me luck gang and i wish you luck too if anyone has advice honestly just put it