[H3H3's awesome Intro music]
[Fake Adam]: Hey! Hollywood executives, I'm Adam Sandler,
and I've got a newwww hit pitch for ya!
Listen up!
'Cause it's gonna blow your asshole out!
Better keep that Pepto-Bismol nearby! -Hey, that's Pepto-Bismol!
-'Cause it's gonna blow your asshole out!
You're gonna need something to help digest.
[Fake Adam]: Check it out,
I'm Adam Sandler...
and I've got a sister.
But hold on, there's a twist!
I play her!
[Hollywood Executive]: Okay... Okay... I'm lovin' it.
[Executive]: I'm lovin' it.
[Executive]: Tell me, what's the plot?
[Fake Adam]: Al Pacino...
[Real Adam]: Would Al Pacino ever do a Dunkin Donuts commercial?
Nick Swardson: [laughs]
[Executive]: Hold on, the Godfather... is gonna be in one of your films?
[Fake Adam]: Listen, I'm not done.
I'm a Marketing Executive,
and I need him to do a Dunkin Donuts commercial for me.
[Executive]: The Godfather?
[Executive]: Mm... Al Pacino, the Godfather, is gonna be in your movie?
[Fake Adam]: Yes!
[Executive]: How the hell are we gonna pull that off?
[Fake Adam]: Give him ten million dollars!
[Executive]: You-y-you're a genius!
[Real Adam]: Al Pacino to do a commercial?
Guy: Mmhmm
[Adam]: The Godfather, Al Pacino?
[Fake Adam]: Here's an idea:
I'm gonna cast
a very popular female actress-
Katie Holmes.
[Executive]: Katie Holmes is gonna be in your movie, Adam Sandler?
[Executive]: How ya' gonna do that?
[Fake Adam]: Gonna give her a mil -- a couple million bucks, dude.
That's it!
It's that easy!
*Ethan Klein Cough™*
*Ethan Klein Cough™ Part 2*
[Executive]: Alright, Adam.
[Executive]: You got me sold.
[Executive]: We're gonna do this.
[Executive]: How much money do you need?
[Fake Adam]: I only need 80 million dollars.
[Executive]: That's --
[Executive]: That's completely reasonable!
[Fake Adam]: It's got some twists, it's got some turns...
it's got some goofs...
some gaffs...
some laughs.
It's good for the whole family.
Not just the kids, the parents, too,
'cause some jokes make ya' think.
[Ethan no longer playing Adam] Now on paper,
I just made a VERY over-the-top,
facetious enactment of what that, uh, Studio meeting went.
And you would think:
"Wow! 80 million dollars for this film seems a bit excessive!
We're probably gonna lose money"...
but HEY! THEY DIDN'T!
THEY MADE $150 MILLION. NOT INCLUDING PAID ADVERTISEMENTS!
WOO!
*Classic h3h3 Coughing Fit*
America!
[Adam Sandler, on Monitor]: It means I CAN'T
[Adam Sandler, on Monitor]: STAND YOU BEING HERE!
[Ethan; screechy Adam voice ]: I'm Adam Sandler!
This is my trademark joke moment!
Where my-- I ta-- I--
My voice gets louder and I shout like this!
[Continued screechy Adam voice]: I can't stand myself!
I look in the mirror in the morning and I consider killing myself every day!
How did my life come to this?!
How did I amount to so little?
I had such big hopes for myself!
I was such a rising star,
and now I'm just a hack and I'm a cancer of society!
I CA--
[Adam Sandler]: ALRIIGGGHHTT!!
[Normal Ethan voice] Oh, here's the f--
great Mexican character.
[Jose]: I-- I-- I don't just do gardening.
I do impressions, too.
When immigration shows up, I do great impression of a tree!
I'm kidding! (young children laugh)
[Imitating Mexican Accent]: Oh yeah, I have the whole family come over
and I talk in like a... Looney Toons character,
or Mexican caricature from the 1920's.
[Speedy Gonzales]: Ello, pussycat!
I think it's only fair to warn you
I have to pass your way again!
[On Monitor] I'm kiiiidding.
[Normal Ethan voice] And he's even got a ca- And he's even got a catchphrase. This- this minority, caricature, he's even has a catchphrase
[Imitating Mexican accent] "I'm kiiidding" "Oh, come on, Señorita, I'm kiiidding"
"My-my aunt even jumped the border... I'm kiidding."
[Normal Ethan voice] And they use this throughout the whole fuckin' movie.
[Compilation of character saying "I'm kidding"]
[Jose]: "I don't just do gardening, I do impressions, too. When immigration shows up, I-"
Ethan: "When immigration shows up--
[Jose]: "-great impression of a tree"
"--when immigration shows up, I do a great impression of a tree", said the Mexican character
who talks like fuckin' Speedy Gonzales, from Looney Tunes, back before political correctness was a thing.
It's- it's so stupidly racist and thoughtless!
I mean, this is Jeff Dunham quality stuff here.
Now, may- maybe this is where the 80 million dollars went,
'cause there's some serious special effects in this shot.
And when I first saw this, I was like, "Woah! How'd they do that? That looked real."
Watch how the special effects-
this one cost- this one cost them 50 million just for this one shot.
Check it out.
[Motor noises, person screaming "YEAH!" followed by a crash]
[Adam, playing woman, on monitor] "No! My bags are packed and there's nothing left to [crude fart noise] say!"
[fart]
[Jill]: "I spent the day at Philipe's picnic where I finally felt welcome."
[fart]
[Jill]: By everybody! I tried to do poop for the very first time -
Ethan: Fuck off, Hila!
Hila: What, I-
[Movie] "Welcome to Royal Caribbean International."
Am I, wha-what happened? Am I watch, did I, what's happening?
What happened?
Seriously, where am I?
How did this Royal Caribbean advertisement get in- the middle of this movie?
[Jose]: It made me feel like, I can't just climb out of the trunk of my cousin's car after driving...
eleven hundred miles across the border."
*Confused Ethan*
Wait... wait for it!
[Movie] -I'm kidding -Ah!
[snap]
He didn't forget to be funny!
Even though it's getting sentimental and emotional!
You gotta keep it funny. And Adam Sandler knows that!
And that's why we know Adam Sandler *foot points*
*Foot point 2.0* as the great comedian he is,
and that's why he makes twenty million dollars, minimum, per movie.
*Foot points again* And that's why he pulls in the bigs bucks.
Hundred and fifty million dollars profit
Psh, how many times have you profited a hundred million, fifty million dollars?
Not many, likely..
because you don't write jokes like this.
Alright, so the movie's over,
but, wait.
Wait, what happened?
Every- everyone's perfect! He likes his sister again,
thank God,
you know, Jill found love with this little- with-
[in a hispanic accent] Jesus
who jumped the border.
Hope the- hope- Hopefully the Homeland Security doesn't ffff-
scoop him back up and send him back to Mexico, that would be tragic.
I guess maybe they'll cover that in the sequel.
"Jack and Jill 2: Jesus ba- goes back to Mexico."
But now, but hang on! There was no resolution on the main plot point.
Does Al Pacino ever do the Dunkin' Donut commercial?
[Audio from commercial] -Something's brewing at D n D!
-Woah! [Ethan: Turn it up!]
Al Pacino!
-It's not Al anymore!
It's 'Dunk'!
-Dunk-a-cino?
-Don't mind if I do!
[Record scratch, music starts playing] What's my name?
-Dunk-a-cino!
-It's a whole new game!
Dunk-a-cino!
You want creamy goodness, I'm your friend.
Say hello to my chocolate blend
-And boom, there you have it.
-I'll just let this final scene of the movie... speak for itself.
-Burn this.
-I'm sorry?
-This must never be seen.
[Sad Romance by Thao Nguyen Xanh plays] -Last, uh... last day in New York was kinda weird.
I had a cab driver acting peculiar.
We were driving along, me and the cab driver, and he- he killed a dog on the way,
Uh, he didn't hit the dog with the car, he just got out and stabbed the dog he-
[Audience laughter]
He, uh,
He hacked it apart
and, uh,
tha- wa- the first thing I thought was 'no tip', you know? Not gonna tip this guy.
You know?
[Audience laughter] Not cause he killed the dog, just cause thirty cents clicked in the meter while he was doing it, you know?
And I don't get that kind of bread right now. I don't have that kind of money"
[Sad music continues to play]
[Outro music replaces sad music] -Hey everybody. This is Ethan from h3h3productions.
Thanks for watching our video. Really appreciate that.
There's the video d- link here in the middle,
That's a link to the first part of this review in case you missed it.
And if you're not subscribed yet, I really recommend clicking
that subscribe button in the bottom middle right there it says
"click to subscribe" it's really hard to miss.
K, thanks for watching everybody. Really appreciate it. <3
Check us out on Facebook or Twitter, that's- good stuff there.
And uh, hey, as usual,
Robert is your brother's closest male living relative confirmed.
Ta-ta for now, guys. See ya' next time.
[Outro music continues]