Please welcome the hilarious Phoebe Robinson.
Oh my God!
Wow!
You know what? I brought it for you. I got the wig on.
I'm giving you garden party. I have...
And you always know that a good wig comes in handy.
In fact, you like always have on hand.
I always have, I have it in my purse. I just keep a wig..
You never know, you know, never know what's going on.
I shaved above the knee for you.
Oh my God!
By the way, Phoebe, I recently shaved too.
Yes. Oh my gosh. Yes. Yes, yes.
It's a big deal.
It is a big deal.
Life is busy.
First of, I sat on my bed last night
and your title is haunting me.
Why did you come up with this title?
You know, I think anyone who's black
and has black parents,
like your parents are like, we got to keep this house clean.
So Phil an Octavia were like, no joke.
We would come home from school and they were like,
strip down, go shower, and then you can relax.
And then I didn't think it stuck with me.
And then in college, like I was so militant,
I would be like, you can't sit on my bed
and you're in a dorm room.
There's like, there's no couch.
And so I, but you could sit on the corner,
but like half a butt cheek has to hang off. Like I was.
That makes sense. Like dorm rooms, studio apartments,
by the way.
Oh my gosh.
She's not seen the cover of her book yet. In a hard copy.
Are you ready? Here we go!
(clapping and excited screams)
Oh my God! Oh my God! Wow.
All right. So No Outside Clothes on the Bed.
Any other non-negotiables?
At this point I am 36 years old.
I do not share fries anymore.
I am done because people are like, oh, I'll just have one.
And then they're like. And I'm like, I didn't get any fries.
So I do not share little snacky things.
Get your own fries.
Well, something you can do
with other people is play games
and I am a major game player
and I got to tell you we're going
to play a game called M.A.S.H.
Does anyone know what M.A.S.H. is?
Does anyone remember M.A.S.H.?
Okay. So before the show, Phoebe and I both gave our lists.
Yes.
All right. Can you explain the game M.A.S.H.
really quickly to anybody who's watching
or here who might not know what it is?
Yeah. So do you remember like before phones,
when we just had pieces of paper and friendship,
so you would just like sit with your friends and like
it stands for, was it mansion, apartment, shack,
House.
House?
Yeah.
And you just picked different categories,
like how your house is going to be?
How many kids you're gonna have?
Where are you going to live?
All those kinds of things.
And then you would just play it and like, be like, oh,
I want like three kids with like, you know, Usher.
Okay. Well, before the show we each played
for each other and now it's time to share the results.
I'm going to read yours first.
Okay. Okay.
You are married to Hannibal Lecter.
Okay.
You have 18,000 kids.
You are a tennis player.
Okay, yes! I love tennis, it's my favorite sport.
Well. This was your list and you live in London.
I love that. Okay. I love, because my boyfriend's British,
so I love London. You know what?
Hannibal Lecter in London is doable.
And you drive a G Wagon.
Oh, and a G Wagon? Okay.
Yes. I should've been like tennis champion.
Not just like a player, right?
I know it's hard fantasy. Okay.
What is my fantasy slash reality? What do I get in M.A.S.H.?
I can't wait to hear about my life Phoebe.
Okay. Your spouse.
Oh, this is a good one.
Your spouse is Trevor Noah.
I mean.
You don't understand. I have the biggest crush on him.
I always have. He is. He's the complete package.
Like I had the hots for Ted Koppel growing up
and David Letterman who both kind of actually have
like a similar, sexy Alfred E Neuman,
newscaster kind of vibe.
So this is great.
Okay. Wait. I think so.
I'm excited about my husband. Perfect.
You have 1000 kids.
Better than your 18,000.
Oh, my poor hoo-ha. Okay.
(laughing)
She is tired.
I mean, and understandably so, mine's just taking a nap.
Okay. Your job is you're ad man, ad woman.
That's great.
I've always wanted to be in advertising.
It's storytelling. You have finite time
to capture the attention,
get your point across and like get someone to emote.
That's great. You, you will.
I want to say by the way earlier, like,
I want you to be my therapist because you shut it down.
You like gave all the knowledge. You were vulnerable.
You did not come from a place of judgment.
It was incredible. I was like backstage.
I was like, and do what else?
What else should I do?
I mean, I'm just saying. It was really good, so good.
Okay. You're gonna live in Idaho.
I love Idaho. Bring it on.
Okay, great. And then your car is El Camino.
Yeah it is. And I'm driving
and Trevor's in the passenger seat. We're in Idaho.
Which is awesome.
And we have 1000 children.
Yeah, it's a lot.
I mean, this is, see, this is just so fun.
I mean, thank you, Phoebe. Really.
For kind of showing how it's done.
You're very prolific. You have 2 Dope Queens on HBO.
You are a publisher. You make us laugh.
I got a laugh. I got to have a sense of humor.
I got to stay light. I will not stay stuck.
I will not stay in the bed.
But it's for people like you who put the funny out there.
So thank you.
Thank you so much.
And congratulations on your brand new book.
You hold it up. That's right, Phoebe,
Please Don't Sit on my Bed on Your Outside Clothes,
is available, right now.