- Hi Trixie, hi Katya.
Good afternoon, ladies.
This is Rupert Everett here, and I wish I was there with you
watching "My Best Friend's Wedding" this afternoon.
It's one of my favorite films I ever made,
and I'm so proud that people are still enjoying it today.
So have a wonderful Pride, ladies, and see you next time.
Lots of love.
(Trixie laughs)
(Trixie claps)
- Rupert Everett.
You know why he's a real gay icon?
- Why?
- He called us "ladies." - I know.
- He could've called us "sir," but he didn't.
Hi, I'm Trixie Mattel.
- And I'm Katya.
- And we are two queens who like to watch.
- Actually, I love to watch.
- Strike the sign.
Get the "I Love to Watch" sign.
- Do it over, 'cause I'm pumped up and motivated.
- Today, we're watching "My Best Friend's Wedding."
- Which coincidentally is my favorite movie.
- You guys wanna bring in
any other gay icons before we start?
- Yeah.
(upbeat music)
Oh, and this is our Pride opener.
- Also, if you have a movie spoiled for you
that's from 1997?
- Consider that your life is just rotten.
- All right, so in this movie, Julia Roberts,
her best friend is getting married
and she realizes, "I'm in love with him,"
and she has only days to try to-
- Become a Steel Magnolia and really attract him.
- Which by the way, is a great way
to get people to fall in love with you, become unavailable.
- That's what you said before, I'm still trying.
- Always.
- So don't pick up the phone.
- Start wearing a wedding ring, and gay guys will be like,
"What are you doing later?"
Yeah, exactly.
By the way, that's the right hand.
Wait, let me.
Here, yeah.
- I present it, like we're at the bar?
- Uh-huh.
Oh.
Let's watch "My Best Friend's Wedding."
All right, so we have a young Julia Roberts,
she's a food critic.
She's having dinner, talking about her best friend,
and they had a vow of getting married together
at a certain age.
- Classic '90s tropes.
Everybody wanted to be a food critic.
- Why?
- Because it was like I get to eat,
and then write like a paragraph, and make a lot of money.
- One, this is the one I'm waiting for, right here!
- Where's the plater?
- I need that stack of meat, right now!
- [Katya] I need that thing of meat, right now!
- [Trixie] You ever worked in a kitchen?
- No. - It's like this.
- I worked at the Holiday Inn restaurant
for the breakfast shift.
- So not a restaurant.
- And I pretended to faint one day, so I could go home.
I'm a bad person.
- [Trixie] You've been theatrical from day one.
(dramatic music)
Oh, she's the big deal food critic.
- Yep, she's the Roger Ebert of eating food.
- Inventive, and confident.
- [Trixie] Gay icon, Rupert Everett.
Wow, he's kind of gorgeous.
- He's very gorgeous. - Looks very British.
- Yes.
- Is this a real interview, or just some cute guy-
- [Trixie] Is that a cellphone?
- I thought it was a walkie talkie.
I've got somebody on the roof.
- There's Charlie everywhere,
and she grabs a helicopter and flies away.
Wow, the '90s.
- I get up the nerve to break his heart,
so I cried for maybe the third time in my entire life,
kissed him, and we've been best friends ever since.
- She's giving Rose in the "Titanic."
"It's been 84 years."
That's what she's giving.
Can you believe I was one of the 12 people
pulled out of the Atlantic
after the Titanic took its final voyage?
(Katya snorts)
- No, he's nothing like me.
He's like you, actually, only straight.
- [Trixie] Ooh, a gay, I mean, a gay friend in 1997.
- Out and proud.
- That makes this basically, what, a devil worshiper movie?
- Yeah, this is like-
- This is a snuff film. - This is a snuff film.
- By 1997 standards.
Thank you Mr. Everett, for being there for us.
- He says, "Swear, when we're 28
"if we've never married, we marry each other."
- [Rupert] You're about to be 28 in three weeks, right?
- And can you believe it, I invented the dirigible?
(Katya laughs)
That's what she's serving.
I remember inventing the bicycle with my brothers.
- Cheers.
- [Katya] As she gets up the courage
to call her best friend, she finds out that he's passed on.
- No, close. - No, getting married.
Getting married, getting married.
- He's getting married.
- Yeah, my best friend's not dying.
- "My Best Friend's Funeral." - Yeah.
- You've been enrolled
in the Obscene Caller of the Month Club.
- [Michael] Hey, beautiful.
- [Katya] Something's very wrong here.
- There are friends who don't date anymore
who are friends now
who still have a slightly flirtatious relationship.
- I thought that was me and you,
but I realized I was on the phone with my mother.
- [Michael] Okay, I have to ask you something,
something incredibly important.
- You know, if I could just tell you one thing first.
- [Katya] I smoke pot, a lot of it.
- So much weed. - So much pot.
- And I started buying shirts that have a pot leaf on it.
I have a chain that has a pot leaf.
- Throws on the couches. - I do socks with pot leaves.
- Yes.
- You probably won't remember this, but-
- [Michael] Are you kidding?
I think about that night all the time.
- You do?
- But it's not why I called.
- What's your favorite scary movie?
And then he pops out of that closet,
stabs her in the breast.
- [Michael] I called because I met someone.
- [Katya] Oh no.
- [Michael] She's a junior
at the University of Chicago, she's 20.
- She's 20? - 20 years old.
He's 28.
(Trixie gagging) Yeah.
- She was 18 two years ago. - Yeah.
- Last year, she was a teenager, but I'm in love with her.
- When I met her at a Toys "R" Us,
she fell down on the ground and I trapped her.
- She was a fit model at Justice at the mall.
- [Michael] Oh man, I can't wait for you to meet her.
- By the way, blood brothers, very cute idea, very gross.
- Very gross, very risky.
- Although, I love everyone,
you're not finding me ready to cut my hand, ever.
- Who's doing this with a knife, like that?
- Why would you cut the palm?
- It is infected, infected.
- Infected, and by the way, never healing.
I'd be on one of those diabetic things, those-
- When they have even the thing
that does it really quick for you, I still go, "Ow!"
- Every time I get my blood tested like that,
I'm Meryl Streep, "Ow, what are you nuts?"
- Yeah, yeah.
- Every time, even though I know it's coming.
- Yeah.
♪ Dreams of you at night ♪
- [Trixie] Oh, oh this is the guy she's hung up on?
- Yeah.
- I get it.
- Yeah.
♪ And just a friend ♪
(Julia laughs)
- [Katya] Look at those horse teeth,
just biting his face off.
- [Trixie] She's in that Pixar movie, "Brave."
Cameron Diaz! - Cameron Diaz.
- People don't know this,
Hillary Clinton was a body double
for Cameron Diaz in this movie.
- My best friend Angelique shattered her pelvis
line dancing in Abilene.
- [Trixie] Did she say, "Line dancing in Abilene?"
- [Katya] Yeah.
- Abilene is the name of Cameron Diaz's wine company.
Inception.
- She's a time traveler?
- Play "The X-Files" theme.
♪ Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo ♪
- Be my maid of honor?
- What?
Shouldn't you promote a bridesmaid,
or someone that you've known-
- [Trixie] When you were driving, were you this girl?
- Oh no, no, no, I had Julia's attitude behind the wheel.
- You were panicked while you were driving?
- Screaming, nobody's in the car.
(Trixie laughs)
- [Trixie] Well, you were also in a red curly wig.
- I had a lot on my mind. - Oh my god, fierce.
All right, so we have Jules
trying on bridesmaid dresses with Kimmy.
Why is the costumer in movies always look like that?
- You wouldn't be comfortable unless you were distinctive.
- What else did he tell you?
- [Katya] That you have a huge vagina.
- Well, I thought I was like you, and proud to be,
until I met rumpled, smelly old Michael.
- [Trixie] You wanna see rumpled and smelly?
- [Katya] Unroll my genitals.
- Come watch me take this wig off,
and try not to (bleep) throw up.
(Katya laughs)
- All she does is talk about her and Michaels' future,
and she's just so bright-eyed and dreamy.
- That's what I mean, it's like when you meet hot people
who are really nice.
I'm like, why don't you go (bleep) yourself?
- Go (bleep) yourself.
- Want me to turn around or something?
- [Katya] Yeah, turn around and start jerking off.
- Not the person I was expecting.
- You look really good.
- You're getting married in four days.
Men are pigs, ladies.
- Cheater.
- Ladies, men are pigs. - Cheater!
Cut his (bleep) off.
Cut the (bleep) off.
- So the honeymoon is where, exactly?
- [Trixie] She survived another car ride.
- San Antonio Suite, Sacramento.
We could start there, or Phoenix,
or depending on the Indiana-Cleveland game-
- [Katya] She's just naming cities.
- What are these glasses? - I know.
- What are these glasses? - I know, it's so effective.
- You know what it is?
It's Willy Wonka.
Thank goodness he's completely unharmed.
- She is a blind woman.
She's a blind piano player.
(Trixie screams)
- She just entered the elevator like this.
- Yeah. - Like.
- Sonic range- - Of his snoring?
Yeah, he says it's worse than ever.
(Julia snorting)
- [Katya] Anybody who has a snoring problem,
that's bad news.
You should sleep with a tube.
- You should be intubated every night?
David snores like "Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
- You gotta get that tube in his nose.
There's a machine you gotta hook him up to.
- He's 35, I'm gonna have to start
hooking him up to machines?
- Yes, a CPAP.
- Every morning when he wakes up,
I'm gonna unplug it like I'm letting him go at the hospital.
- Oh, what about- - Cigars in bed?
I broke him of that habit.
- [Katya] Cigars in bed?
- Are you dating a man from the '20s?
- I know, this is crazy.
- The cigars in bed will never fly.
(people chattering)
This is feeling like it's gonna turn les.
- I know, I know.
- [Trixie] I'm getting married,
and I've never been with a woman.
- No! - And after all,
what am I gonna be jealous of you for the rest of my life?
- [Katya] This is me deciding
to go on tour with you next year.
- Of course.
- He'll always talk about you. - It's only natural.
- This is us. - I know.
(platter clatters) (people gasping)
- You know how many elevators I've sprinted out of,
hoping to run into something exciting?
- Yeah. - Bleh.
I love in movies like this
where the third person is made out to be like,
a horrible fit for the person, evil, a (bleep).
I like when it's like a Cameron Diaz
where it's like, you would love to hate her.
- But you can't. - But she's flawless.
- Yeah, they could've just caked her in (bleep)
and given her a brown tooth, but no.
Miss Lady is a little bit overconfident?
- Well, he's used to a 20.
She's a sagging corpse next to Cameron Diaz.
- She's a wrinkled crone fighting against an infant.
- Isn't Cameron Diaz like 18 in "The Mask?"
- It was her breakthrough.
- She's so (bleep) beautiful in that movie.
- She hit the ground running.
- [Trixie] Jules, Michael, and Kimmy go to a karaoke bar.
- He loves karaoke.
- I hate karaoke.
- Yeah, karaoke is rotten.
- Margarita, Vespa.
(Jules laughs)
- Florence. - Yeah.
- Look what she's doing, shutting her out, inside jokes.
- This feels mean.
- Chewing the skin off his face.
(Jules laughing)
- [Trixie] Witch cackling and making it sound sexy.
- [Katya] Yeah, no.
- I'm gonna tell ya, as somebody who laughs
maybe just like Julia Roberts,
it's not that fetching.
- I think the most important thing is for us to be together.
- Hey, thank you.
- He is so beautiful.
I'd fight Cameron Diaz for him, too.
- Please give it up for the dazzling vocal stylings
of Miss Kimberly Wallace!
(audience applauds)
- [Katya] Sometimes the smile's a little too much.
- [Trixie] Oh yeah, she's gummin' out.
Oh, Julia's trying to get her on stage
to make a fool of herself.
(audience applauds)
The clapping is making me musical.
Is the power of love gonna compel her to be good at music?
- Yes, yes.
- This is just like "Selena." - Perfect pitch!
♪ I just don't know what to do with myself ♪
♪ Don't know just to do with myself ♪
- See, she's getting confident.
The power of love is compelling her to be musical.
We love when that happens.
- Oh yeah, all the time.
If you let go, two years of Julliard
right there in your lap.
♪ To a movie ♪
♪ Only makes her ♪
- She's pissed. - It's working.
How is she doing this?
- She's like, it's time to turn up the heat a little bit.
She starts her skirt on fire.
- Yeah.
- Let's see how you sing now.
♪ Don't know what to do ♪
- [Trixie] Boner.
- [Katya] I guess I'll fall in love with her too.
♪ Hey ♪
(audience cheering)
- Great job, honey.
It's gonna be hard strangling her to death later tonight.
- Jules is gonna introduce her gay best friend as her other.
It's a ruse, but she's trying to make him jealous.
- He's racing back to New York.
He just came in for a few hours to, to (bleep) me.
(both laugh)
- Yes! - Isn't that so great?
- That's fierce. - Yeah, look at his face.
(Trixie laughs)
- Is something wrong?
- It sounded like George was-
- [Katya] Sucking (bleep) and (bleep).
- Gay?
- Actually, yes.
- George likes to pretend that he's gay.
(Jules laughs)
- Same. - Yeah.
- Why would you do that?
- Oh, I find it attracts women.
- Indeed, yes. - Believable banter.
- Why would you pretend to be gay?
It's a fair question.
Why do people pretend to be straight?
- Yeah.
- How did you and Julianne meet?
- In a mental institution.
(both laugh)
- No!
He said, "You're gonna learn today.
I flew all the way here, you took my ring."
- She thought it was Dionne Warwick.
- Who is Dionne Warwick?
- She's Whitney Houston's aunt.
- [Trixie] What is this, like "The Music Man"
level costuming for these-
- "My Fair Lady?"
♪ Way to San Jose ♪
♪ La la la la la la ♪
(Katya laughs)
- Okay, it's gettin' weird.
Gettin' weird at the brunch.
- Dionne turned to me, opened her lovely eyes and said-
- [Katya] What that mouth do?
♪ The moment I wake up ♪
(Kimmy laughs)
♪ Before I put on my makeup ♪
- What is happening? - This is the musical part.
♪ Forever and ever you'll stay in my heart ♪
♪ And I will love you ♪
♪ Forever and ever we never will part ♪
- Oh! - Yeah.
- [Trixie] Wait, now there's piano?
- [Katya] Is that Stephen Colbert?
- This is the danger of having a gay best friend.
When you get a gay best friend,
I'm talking to you, camera A,
you have to ask, "Have you now, or will you ever
"be singing unsolicitedly in a restaurant?"
♪ So I love you too ♪
♪ Forever and ever, you'll stay in my heart ♪
♪ And I will always ♪ - Oh god, oh god, oh god.
This makes me think of Provincetown
when people wear those plastic bibs when they eat lobster
that says, "Let's get crackin'."
'Cause they crack open the skeleton
and suck out the white meat.
We're supposed to identify with Julia,
but Julia's sort of like the (bleep) head here,
like you snooze you lose, (bleep).
You could've called that man two years ago.
- Hello, you don't keep someone in your back pocket just-
- Guess what, if he's really that great,
someone else is gonna figure that out, too.
- They're gonna tie that (bleep) to a cement block
and throw it in the ocean.
- Gun to your head, not for sex, just for metaphor.
If you were gonna do, you had to do karaoke,
what's the song?
- "Blue Bayou." (Trixie laughs)
♪ I've been so sad, got a worried mind ♪
♪ I'm so lonesome all the time ♪
(Trixie laughs)
- Jules, who is triflin', is gonna send an email
to make the situation even worse.
- [Katya] Not exactly a "Pretty Woman."
- Eric,
I need a favor.
- [Trixie] How can I break up this relationship
that I'm no way a part of?
- Michael will not accept our offer.
- Lies. - She's getting him fired?
This hoe is a messy (bleep) who lives for drama,
and she will read your ass on Tuesday.
(chair clatters)
- [Katya] She's so clumsy, but determined.
- I like that they're not going graceful
with the pratfalls.
She about back rolled out the window.
- [Katya] I know, okay back to work.
- [Trixie] She's gonna save it for later, you messy (bleep).
- [Katya] Yeah.
- It's not like I'm sending it.
I'm just saving it for a few hours.
- [Katya] This is when I won't flush my turds.
- Send it, you messy (bleep).
I want her to. - Mm-hmm.
- The stakes are high.
Look, there's the ring.
(emotional music)
The inside of the ring says "(bleep) slave."
She's misguided.
I feel bad for her.
She's (bleep) (bleep) up.
She's making things worse.
- Oh, and by the way, I'm holding four or five emails
that I wrote over lunch.
Send those out, too.
- Ooh! - Yes, sir.
- I love you.
- She, oh.
- [Jules] I've loved you for nine years.
I've just been too arrogant-
- Oh, Mary, desperation diva.
(romantic music)
(Trixie gasps)
You do not force people to make choices
that they have not considered,
and then kiss them without their consent.
- In a gazebo. - Hello.
Very bad luck. - Oh my god.
Oh my god, Hillary. - Run!
- Oh, Kim! - You (bleep) it up, Mary.
Sprinting after, what are you gonna do,
tackle her if you catch her?
- She's after him, he's after her,
she's going to get lunch. - Michael!
- Kim! - There's us.
- [Katya] That's Donna, she's high on drugs.
(frantic music)
- Kim! - Damn.
Hit a woman, she hit a woman on the way out.
Blood, (bleep), and carnage.
- Three caterers.
She's in a bread truck. - She's in a bread truck?
Oh, work.
She said if I don't catch up to him, I will carbo-load.
Jules will be revealing
that she's the one who wrote the email.
- I have a confession to make.
Another confession.
- "I got my cartilage pierced at the mall,
"and now I have a keloid.
"Can you drive me to the dermatologist?
"His name is Larry Saperstein in Evanston.
"It's an emergency situation.
I can't hear."
- The email that Walter sent to your boss, I wrote that.
- [Trixie] "So I'm not a natural redhead."
- [Michael] Are you completely insane?
- She's like, "am I crazy now?"
(Katya laughs)
Yeah, I haven't seen her pull out her jugs once.
- I was just trying to,
to win you.
- [Katya] "Look how pathetic I was, feel bad for me."
- Like the, the fungus that feeds on pond scum.
- Lower. - That was kinda hot.
- "Yeah, you're worthless, say it!"
- Thank you.
For loving me that much.
- He's more forgiving than me.
I'd be like, "you did what?"
- Get the (bleep) outta here.
- She didn't mention, "I chased you in a bread truck."
- Yeah.
(Katya laughs)
(tender music)
- [Trixie] I think she's understanding
that this narrative was never about her.
- Oh, I don't think she's getting that yet.
I think she needs to be tied up
and left alone in a basement for about a few months.
- You (bleep) it up, Mary.
- We will find her.
- Here's what I would do.
I would go to the wedding, I would look great.
I would wear a white dress. - Panties off.
- White dress, panties off. - Yeah.
- Then, I would come back and invite them to my wedding
that was bigger, fancier,
to a man who was younger, hotter, richer.
- Yeah.
- A certain Elon Musk and I?
- Maybe a throuple-
- Preparing for our nuptials under the Southern sky.
And I would say things like,
"This reminds me of your wedding, but like bigger?"
- Yeah.
- "And better food, and prettier people."
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How am I supposed to get rich by having sex one time?
- That's not gonna happen. - Okay.
- You've gotta put out constantly,
'cause that's the thing about marrying a rich guy.
You gotta commit to fitness-
- Indignities. - Forever.
- A host of indignities, yeah.
- [Trixie] So, Jules finds Kimmy
in the bathroom of a baseball stadium, Wrigley Field.
- Sucking (bleep) and (bleep) in the ladies room.
- You came here pretending to be my friend,
and I made you my maid of honor!
- [Trixie] Look at her.
"Some of us have to poop.
Can you stop yelling?"
- He doesn't love me.
He loves you.
- [Katya] They should sing a song.
- They haven't panned down,
but her panties are around her ankles.
She was going to the bathroom.
- I'd like to take you to the church.
- Me. - What is that look?
- A hobo? - She's a hobosexual.
- Walk down that aisle,
and marry the man of our dreams.
- [Trixie] This movie's good.
Do people know about this movie?
(people applauding)
- Jules has gotta give a speech
after Kimmy walks down the aisle.
- She's here to gate keep.
- Yeah, yes.
(choral music)
- [Trixie] He's like "Keep walking, (bleep)."
(Katya laughs)
"You are on thin ice."
(choral music)
And of course, Cameron Diaz, breathtaking.
- Tightest, teeniest (bleep).
- Hate the earrings.
I would've done chandeliers.
- [Katya] I would've done earplugs.
(choral music)
- [Trixie] He reminds me of Elvis a little bit.
- Elvis and JFK. - Oh, totally.
Big Italian Stallion energy. - Mm.
- [Man] Now let's hear from the maid of honor,
the lovely Julianne.
- "Hi, I'm just finding new and creative ways
"to make this about me.
Hit the music."
(Katya laughs)
- I dreamt that some psychopath
was trying to break the two of you up.
- [Trixie] No one knows what you're talking about.
- And nobody wants to hear about your dream, no one.
Not one person.
- I didn't get you a gift.
- [Katya] Sociopath.
- Isn't that funny how I didn't get them a gift?
I'm so quirky.
- I'm so quirky and interesting.
♪ Someday ♪
- Are they conjoined? - Conjoined, yeah.
♪ When I'm awfully low ♪
- I know that there's romantic music playing,
but (bleep) if lay down
and you step on my trachea until it collapses
while you tell me I'm less than pond scum?
(people cheering)
Hillary Clinton's back.
Oh god, now she's in love with a woman.
(Katya laughs)
This is getting so out of hand.
"Kimmy, I love you!"
Jules is alone at the wedding,
and she gets a phone call.
- From a certain Dr. Hannibal Lecter.
- Hello, George. - "Hello, Clarice.
That's not your color, Clarice, but never mind that now."
- I did what I came to do.
- [George] What, you split them up?
- "I gaslit, I gatekeeped. - I girlbossed."
- And I girlbossed.
- [Katya] "I also took a (bleep) on the third tier
of the wedding cake, stuffed it inside."
- [George] I just picture you there sitting alone
at your table in your lavender gown.
- George, I didn't tell you my dress was lavender.
- [Trixie] He's there!
He's drumming.
♪ Wake up ♪
- Suddenly, the crowds part.
(Trixie gasps)
And there he is.
- [Trixie] Gay best friend!
- Maybe there won't be sex, but by god there'll be dancing.
- This is the gay best friend you deserve.
Unfortunately, it's gonna be different
than the gay best friend most people wind up with.
- Yes.
- The gay friend you get will be the one who wasn't invited.
- No.
- Black out early, by the open bar going "Girl, girl,
get over here, (bleep)."
Like, that's the gay friend you'll get.
- And knock the cake over on the way out.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- [Trixie] "Let's ask the DJ to play "Blackout."
- This movie's got everything a girlboss needs
to start Pride season.
Gaslighting. - Gay best friends.
- Gay best friends, deception, intrigue.
- Bridesmaid dresses, Cameron Diaz.
- Cameron Diaz.
- Julia Roberts.
- Elevator tension, pratfalls.
- Rupert Everett.
- And singing! - And singing.
A main character we identify with
because she's not a great person.
- Because she's a hag from hell.
- Yes. - Yeah.
- And if you haven't seen this absolute classic,
check out "My Best Friend's Wedding" on Netflix.
- Do it now, or you'll be sorry.
- Goodbye, oh bye. - Oh, Netflick, Netflick.
- Netflick.
(upbeat music)