It can be difficult to get back together after a breakup. There are always mixed feelings,
unresolved issues and trauma from the breakup itself, but it’s going to be
much more difficult if your ex tells you that they don’t want you back. Fortunately,
there may still be a path forward for you as long as you can follow my advice.
Hi, I’m Brad Browning, the so-called Ex Back Geek and Author of the Ex Factor
Guide. As a breakup coach, I’ve seen this situation come up again and again and I’ve
helped these people win their ex back so don’t lose hope yet. But
do like this video and subscribe to my channel while you’re here.
First off, I think that if you’ve been to this point,
you need a word of caution here. Because if your ex has straight up told you “I don’t
want to get back together with you” then that means that you’re in one of two situations.
One, you’ve been pestering your ex to get back together whether directly or indirectly. Your
ex has clearly noticed you putting pressure on them to reconcile and give you another chance.
This is not a great sign because it means that you’re following the wrong approach in
trying to win your ex back. I’ll cover what you should do differently later on in this video.
Two, your ex is trying to be extremely clear after a breakup that they want you to leave
them alone. If you haven’t annoyed your ex about getting back together after a breakup
then this is probably your situation. This does not mean that there’s no hope
of a reconciliation–Your emotional state immediately post breakup isn’t
permanent–but it does mean that you need to give them the space they’re asking for.
There is a third option here that is rare but it does happen. This is when your ex
is reaching out to you to specifically tell you how happy they are that you’re no longer
together and essentially trying to make you feel bad for losing them. This is actually a
great situation to be in if you want your ex back because it suggests that they’re still
hung up on you. You can tell they’re still invested in this relationship because they’re
still angry and they’re still contacting you. You can use this to your advantage.
Whichever situation you’re in here, I’d give you the same advice: you need to take them at
their word. Even if you believe that they’re just bluffing or that they don’t know what they want,
you need to respect what they’re saying, disengage and leave them alone.
I know this may be going against every fiber of your being. I’m sure it’s the last thing you want
to do right now but it’s going to be the most effective move you can make in this situation.
Because the truth is you can’t convince your ex to get back together with you, especially if they’ve
made it clear to you that they don’t see a future with you. Let me explain. Ending (or beginning) a
relationship is an emotional decision. While you may make the decision partially on the
“features” of your partner like their economic status, common interests, and confidence, none
of these features will make a difference if you’re not attracted to this other person on an emotional
level. Emotional connection is something that you can’t create in another person through persuasion.
You can rebuild this emotional connection but not through having long, drawn out conversations about
your relationship. The best way to rebuild this connection is to begin with No Contact.
If you’ve been on my channel before then you’ve heard all about The No Contact
Method. This is the best way to win your ex back after a breakup. No Contact means
spending 30 days after a breakup giving your ex space and working on yourself. This means
you cannot contact your ex in any way for 30 full days. Do not call them, text them,
like their instagram posts or otherwise interact with them during this time.
People always wonder what these thirty days will do for your chances of getting your ex
back. Is it a waste of time? Won’t these thirty days give your ex a better chance to move on?
The answer is no. These thirty days apart accomplish a few things. First,
they allow you and your ex to process the breakup and forget some of the harsh and hurtful things
that were said at the time. They also give your ex a chance to miss you, to feel your absence and
realize what they’ve given up by leaving you. And by leaving so suddenly, you’ve maximized your ex’s
suffering and thus made them miss you as much as possible. This is the cold turkey approach.
But don’t just spend this time sitting on your ass, watching the clock count down.
No Contact is an active process. The action you take right now is going to make or break
your attempts to get your ex back after No Contact is over. So for the first little bit,
it’s okay to grieve the breakup, talk about it with friends and otherwise face up to what
went wrong and how you’d do it differently. Processing your feelings about the breakup
is so important because it can help you settle down and get a better perspective on things.
After the first week or so, it’s time to focus on self improvement. Relationships
take time and effort. With yours in the rear view mirror, you’ll have more time and energy
to put into improving yourself so you can be a better person and a more attractive partner. So
instead of ruminating on your ex, set some goals and take steps to reach them. I can’t tell you
what to do during this time–only you know your life–but some areas to think about are fitness,
weight loss, career, school, and creative endeavors. There are so many ways for you
to change yourself that your ex might not even recognize you after these thirty days have passed.
Now that’s all well and good but how do you win your ex back after this time has passed? I need
you to relax and take this next part slow or you may ruin any chances you have of a second chance
with your ex. Do not set an alarm for the end of the 30 days and start blowing up their phone
with requests and asking them the same questions that got you into this mess in the first place.
Instead, take things slow and rebuild that emotional connection. Start with an innocuous
text that gets the conversation going. Just remember that they said that they’re not
interested in getting back together so don’t start with relationship talk right away. Don’t
tell them how much you miss them. Don’t ask them if they’re dating again. Keep it light and fun.
Over time, you need to slowly rebuild this until you’re ready for an in person meeting. Keep your
ex’s feelings in mind throughout this process. Look for subtle cues that they give off whether
it’s over text or their body language in person. If they start to pull away,
don’t chase them. Give them space and try again another day. Reconnecting is
an extremely delicate process that you can’t rush.
And I won’t lie to you, there’s still a good chance that your ex still won’t
be interested in getting back together despite all
you’ve done to make this happen. There are unfortunately no guarantees here.
But there are two things that you can do to improve your chances drastically. First,
head on over to BreakupBrad.com right now and check out my free video presentation there.
I’ve included some truly impactful tips that you can’t find anywhere else–tips that will
help you soften up your ex to be more open to your advances. That’s BreakupBrad.com.
And two, you can get a little outside help for the situation. Often we can feel stuck
with relationship issues because the other person won’t budge. At times like this,
it’s best to get outside help to break this negative cycle and get out of the rut. So
find a trusted friend to listen to your story and offer helpful advice on what to do next.
And if you’re looking for someone like that in your life, consider signing up
for my breakup coaching service over at BreakupBrad.com/Coaching. I listen to your
story and offer one-on-one advice that’s tailored to your situation. I’ve helped
thousands of people around the globe and I can help you too. That’s BreakupBrad.com/Coaching.
Whatever you end up deciding, keep your head up and stay positive throughout this
process. Remember that you can have a second chance with your ex. It happens
all the time. Thanks for watching and I’ll see you in my next video.