so I've been home with my mother for
about two weeks now and already I'm
thinking fondly of the days when I was
overstaying my welcome at Netherfield my
name is Lizzie Bennet and my mother has
taken nuts to a new level so the problem
is that ever since mr. Collins came over
for that first dinner and complimented
my mother's cooking no matter what I say
or hint or cajole she lets him in at the
drop of a hat him it's like he has my
mother under some kind of voodoo spell
oh my goodness now that's a sensible
young man
Lizzie don't you think he's a remarkably
clever good sort of man one that you may
consider partnering with yeah of course
mom is thrilled any time a young man
comes to visit one of her daughters she
seems to have forgotten he's engaged
I suppose it is partially my fault for
proposing to him when I was seven but he
can't still be thinking about that but
as soon as I get up in the morning my
mother says he's called it's like he
knows when I've been sleeping he knows
when I'm awake he's like an evil Santa a
stalky annoying talkative evil Santa
stalking might actually be better
because then at least I could get a
restraining order he's not bad he's just
Ricky and he won't leave me alone
good evening miss bag good God oh don't
be alarmed I garnered your mother's
permission to visit with you oh yes
because that is all that's required to
enter my bedroom I'm here for a private
audience
well I'm recording a video so if you
can't say it to the entire Internet oh
you're a bold one miss Bennett and you
do well to infer that what I've come to
propose deserves an audience I do know I
mean I don't do how do I begin
your efforts to impress me have not gone
unnoticed and actually add to your many
quality you know I think that my mom
probably need your nervous of course my
intentions have been too obvious
in fact when I saw you again I knew you
would be the one
you can't be serious to share the most
important part of my life oh my god
Elizabeth Bennett would you become my
new business partner what I'm offering
you a partnership at my company it would
be very lucrative you're offering me a
job
but I should inform you of my reasons
for seeking a business partner actually
that was my original intent in attending
VidCon
first of all secondly and thirdly
finally my VC Catherine de Bourg
strongly suggested I have a stalwart
partner with a vivacious personality
oh no but she can't possibly approve of
someone who's still in grad school no
she is sure to approve of you and I can
easily compensate for your lack of
connections or business acumen good of
course you will have to abandon your
studies I it is a great personal
sacrifice but I am willing to make it I
had envisioned a colleague with a higher
degree but in any case this should more
than take care of your needs I'd like to
start well I haven't accepted the offer
negotiating of course you're just
proving I made the right choice allow me
to sweeten the deal with extended
benefits um no I I'm not negotiating I
just I don't see myself making
instructional videos I'm saying no
amazing such a shrewd and calculating
individual like yourself I should have
expected this and indeed I did I know
what you require a generous signing
bonus Oh God Ricky you just don't get
these mr. Cobb no no I'm talking now me
let me talk just shut up I I'm not
negotiating I'm not being shrewd or
calculating are already four syllable
word you can think of I mean it with all
due respect
and I possibly have left when I say I
don't want to be your business partner I
am well-connected funded and offering
you a respectable position as charming
as you are you are unlikely to ever be
offered anything comparable with your
connections and degree okay
out you go what the s there are no words
I guess that's the kind of present and
evil Santa would give and I get to tell
my mother that I turned him down it just
gets better and better
you