Oh hi, you’re just in time.
Unless of course, you’re somehow watching this video after Christmas in which case you’re
really . . . really early because today, we’re going to be reacting to awful life hack channels
making awful Christmas sweaters.
Now, I've actually done this kind of lifehack DIY video on my channel two times before,
and from what I remember I nailed both videos.
Get black paper.
I forgot to buy black paper.
I’m not trying that.
I’m not trying this one.
I’m not trying that one either.
Nothing in this video is worth trying.
I mean, I could be remembering wrong.
But you know what?
Third time’s a charm.
Today we’re getting our DIY fix from Blossom.
Just Blossom.
I don’t know either but they have 11 million subscribers.
Now if you’re hoping that Blossom is somehow less of a dumpster fire than then Troom or
5-minute crafts, then . . . why were you hoping—like what led you to be—it's not.
But clearly that’s not enough to stop me so I’m about to DIY all 5 of their ugly
Christmas sweater lifehacks.
So for this first sweater, I’m supposed to record footage of my fireplace.
What this has to do with a sweater, I don’t really know, but the thing is, I don’t really
know a lot of things.
Like how to turn my fireplace on.
I’m just going to go ahead and download stock footage of a fireplace.
Okay so now we’re supposed to iron on a fireplace.
I’m 90% sure I see where this sweater is going, and I'm 110% sure I don’t like it.
Either way, I won’t be using an iron.
It’s not because I don’t know how to use an iron, I mean I have one, I just don’t
have an ironing board.
I also don’t know how to use an iron, that’s just not why I’m not using it.
But never fear, sticker paper is here!
Okay, so next we’re supposed to be making a pocket on the back, and sliding the iPad
in there.
I have the felt right here, so we’re just going to glue this oh- So the issue with my
iPad is, it’s kind of large.
Like, much larger than these felt square.
I think I’m just going to use my phone.
Okay, so this is the fireplace sweater.
The good news is, I was able to find a 10-hour loop of fireplace footage, so It's not going
to run out.
The bad news my phone battery is on more of a 10-minute loop, so I can quite literally
feel it dying.
If I need to make an emergency call do I reach all the way into my sweater to retrieve my
phone, or do I just call the police through the fireplace.
Overall I don’t hate this, and I definitely don’t love this, but most importantly I
feel like this sweater should have come with safety instructions.
So we’ve done the fireplace, now we’re onto the snowman.
The issue is, I have no idea what a cotton round is.
I looked on Amazon and they didn’t have cotton rounds.
Either these things don’t exist, or I was simply not meant to find them.
But I had a brilliant idea.
Why use 500 cotton rounds to construct a snowman, when you can just use your brain.
Nah, I’m just kidding.
If I was using my brain, I wouldn’t be making these sweaters.
But instead of cotton rounds, we’re just going to go with large-scale Styrofoam rounds.
Or as we like to call them in the industry: Styrofoam plates.
Maybe you’ve heard of them.
I’m not in any industry, I’m gluing paper plates onto a sweater.
So we’re supposed to cut out the snowman decorations from this felt that I purchased.
It came in a pack of 42, which is great because I only needed three, so.
Thank you for that for that, I love purchasing things I don’t need.
We’re going to give the snowman a couple of buttons grafted directly onto his skin
and crafted from the same material as his eyes.
Who knew Coraline was a Christmas movie.
Is it just me, or does that look more a Halloween sweater than a Christmas sweater?
I guess the important part is, either way, it looks truly awful.
And that’s why I’m ecstatic to have created an even worse version of it.
Simply put, the vibes are kind of off with this sweater.
I don’t like it for some reason, but I can’t really put my finger on it.
Granted, if I did put my finger on this sweater at all, it would probably fall apart anyway,
so.
So next up is the Santa.
As you see, our sweater-making adventures are getting a bit more aggressive, as the
first step in this one is apparently cutting it clean in half.
So now that we’re done with that, we’re supposed to be adding fur trim.
My question is, in what universe would I have fur trim lying around.
What would I even type on Amazon to find white fur trim.
Well, probably just the words “white fur trim” now that I’m thinking about it,
but I wasn’t thinking about it when I ordered this stuff, so instead we’ll be lining our
Santa Sweater with silver garland.
Who cares if it’s going to shed tinsel all over the floor?
It’s more festive.
I’m going to be finding pieces of this in my carpet for the next twelve years.
I’m not very confident in my ability to glue garland onto a sweater.
It’s not a self-confidence issue, this is more along the lines of . . . under no circumstances
was garland ever meant to be glued onto a sweater.
But hey.
If fabric glue can’t hold garland, you can always just—wear a normal sweater.
But to make for my lack of garland experience, I purchased 100 feet, which now that I see
it in person was definitely way too much.
So next we’re supposed to paint these golden polka dots all over the sweater with a cork.
I have the golden paint as well as the cork; now all I need is the will to continue.
So, having opened this paint, I’m getting the vibe that it was not intended to be used
indoors.
Since I have no intention of going outdoors, I think I’m just going to bring it down
from polka dots to a polka dot.
Singular.
Okay well now it’s asymmetrical, I have to do two.
So the placement of these polka dots is something I’m definitely reconsidering, but seeing
as they’re already on there, I’ll just go ahead and tie on this giant Santa belt
which apparently I was expected to already own.
And here is the Santa sweater.
The pros of this sweater are that it matches my pants, and it can easily be mistaken for
irony.
On the other hand, the only con is that we don’t have enough time to discuss all of
the cons.
So looks like I have yet another use for the 100 feet of garland I purchased.
Glad I can make a dent in that, now there’s only like 93 feet.
Now, I know we just did a snowman sweater, but this one is the Snowman 2.0.
This one is risqué.
I mean, did you see how low I cut that collar?
I really don’t feel like cutting and gluing this many circles for the mouth, so I’m
not going to do that.
We’re just going to pretend we found a very long piece of coal.
You know what . . . Let's just do the last sweater.
Okay, so we’re supposed to be gluing on garland and ornaments.
Gluing Christmas ornaments onto a sweater after which they can never be used on a tree
ever again seems just a little . . .I don’t wanna say blasphemous?
So I think I’m going to skip the ornaments for now and glue down this leftover silver
garland instead.
Did I mention I purchased 100 feet?
Now I had a bit of an issue with this next step.
Not only do I have absolutely no idea where to purchase an embroidery hoop, I had even
fewer ideas on where to purchase an embroidery hoop large enough to fit around a grown man’s
waist.
So instead of that, I ordered an adjustable children’s hula hoop.
Which, for some reason, came in a pack of four.
Wait a minute.
Watch that again.
The sweater lights up.
It has blinking Christmas lights.
Where was that in the instructions?
I follow their instructions, I do all this work to make the ugliest sweater I’ve ever—The
second ugliest sweater I’ve ever seen—the third—one of the ugliest Christmas sweaters
I've ever seen, and they just throw it in my face like “Hmm that’s nice.
But does yours light up?
Didn’t think so.”
No it doesn’t, because I did what you told me.
I guess I'm just going to have to be a lightless, lifeless . . . Christmas tree.
Here I am.
I’m a Christmas tree, without any lights.
Because I’ve been misled.
Who would wear something like this outside of their home?
Besides me.
I love drawing attention to myself at all times.
Anyway, this was the last sweater.
Well, now that I'm done acquiring things I didn’t really want, and after this time
of year will serve no purpose to me; I’m really in the Christmas spirit.
So I thought it might be nice to have ourselves a little fireside chat.
Just pretend I’m sitting next to the fireplace and I figured out how to turn it on.
This is my last video for the year, and I really appreciate how far I’ve come on YouTube
in 2019, so there’s really just one thing I want to say to everyone watching, from the
bottom of my heart.
Looks like I’ve gotten ten minutes of content out of this, so leave a like, tell me what
you think and subscribe if you haven’t already.
Thank you for watching and a big thank you to my 245,000 subscribers.
Okay bye.
There is tinsel all over my floor.