What does the A in LGBTQIA2+ stand for? If you’re thinking Ally, you’re wrong. It actually refers
to Asexuality and right there you see the first struggle that those who identify as Ace deal with:
Invisibility. And invisibility is one of the primary reasons why there’s so much confusion
and misinformation surrounding Asexuality. Like Bisexuality and Pansexuality, Asexuals tend to be
dismissed as not a legitimate sexual identity, but at best a virgin who “hasn’t met the right person
yet” or at worst a psychological or physiological disorder; and if you’re Christian, a sin.
Asexuality, like other identities within the Queer community is a spectrum.
Some Acers are “Sex-negative” or repulsed by the very idea of sex. Others have a positive
view of Sex, but simply aren’t interested in it. And still others may only be driven to
sex when there’s a strong bond, like an emotional connection. Further, you can have HeteroAsexuals,
Bi and PanAsexuals, and Homo-Asexuals.
But because of this identity’s seemingly lack of interest in sex,
other identities within the Queer community tend to disparage those who identify as asexual.
That’s mainly because a positive view of sex and sexuality is such a major
component of queer culture (including queer theology). And so, in a sense,
asexuals are the living cracks in the free sex foundation that the queer community stands upon.
Since recognition and acceptance are hard to come by, Acers tend to have a difficult time
finding companionship. Asexuality does not mean “anti-people” or anti-relationship – it’s just
anti-sex. And since our society regards such a strong correlation between relationships
and the expectations of sex, it’s hard to find a partner who is comfortable with that, especially
if an Acer is in relationship with a non-Acer. How does that dynamic work? Or can it even?
And as I stated, if you’re a Christian there’s the added burden of asexuality being perceived as a
sin. In a 2002 Christian Magazine, two Jesuits wrote: David Nantais, S.J. and Scott Opperman,
S.J. wrote in 2002, “Question: What do you call a person who is asexual? Answer: Not a person.
Asexual people do not exist. Sexuality is a gift from God and thus a fundamental part of our human
identity. Those who repress their sexuality are not living as God created them to be:
fully alive and well. As such, they’re most likely unhappy people with which to live.”
Wow, Jesuits. Way to drop the ball on that one! Oh, that too…. Here we see asexuality confused
with repression of sexuality, due to the incorrect assertion that truly asexual people do not exist.
To be clear, again, Asexuality IS NOT repression, it’s lack of interest!
Now on the surface, it probably seems strange for a religion to criticize asexuality.
After all, aren’t clerics and nuns …. And cough, cough religious orders like that Jesuits required
to be celibate? Well, the difference between asexuality and celibacy is that the latter is
a choice, the former an identity. Asexuals don’t choose to not want sex. They’re born that way.
Christian conservatives point to the spiritual mandate of Genesis 1 – for humans to “be fruitful
and multiply.” So, it’s a holy calling to make babies. Well, that obviously can’t apply to
everyone, because infertility exists. Some couples can’t have children. And there are
some couples who shouldn’t have children, those who may just be unfit to be parents.
When one cleaves to one’s spouse, it doesn’t need to be read as sexually – emotional intimacy,
utter confidence, deep trust are all forms of cleaving.
But since Heterosexual marriage with children is held up and revered in most churches,
Acers experience feelings of alienation within religious settings
in a way not at all dissimilar to gay, trans, single, and infertile individuals.
Other critics point to First Corinthians chapter 7 when Paul says it’s better to
marry. But such an example ignores the entire context of what Paul was saying
in that chapter. See for yourself: 6 This I say by way of concession,
not of command. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has a particular gift from God,
one having one kind and another a different kind. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it
is well for them to remain unmarried as I am. 9 But if they are not practicing self-control,
they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.
Paul flat out says it’s better to be single like him and that one should only marry to avoid
falling into sexual temptations. Many Acers look to this passage as Paul’s coming out as an asexual
himself, while recognizing that not all people are like him. Paul says there’s strength is
singlehood – that is you can devote yourself to God fully. A spouse is a distraction. Children
are more of a distraction! And note that “devoting yourself to God fully” doesn’t necessarily mean
becoming religiously ordained or anything like that. You can devote yourself to stuff that is
Godly – advocacy work, healthcare, science, and as I’ve mentioned before…. Even the arts! Not
getting wrapped up in sex and relationships frees a person to fulfill other deeply rooted passions.
And as Paul stated in his “Body of Christ” example in 1 Cor, – fulfilling these roles, these
vocations, is how we can make Christ present in the world today. A body needs its various parts.
To an extent, the Holy Trinity reflects Asexuality as there’s no references to
any of the persons being involved in sex, with Jesus being the most glaring example. There’s
no reason to not suggest that Jesus was Ace. And since Hebrews 4:15 says Jesus was sinless,
asexuality then must not be a sin. In fact Jesus even alludes to the notions of asexuality when
he describes the Eunuch being born that way in Matt 19:11-12 and then three chapters later talks
about how in heaven there is no marriage since we will become like angels “sexless”… Or ACE!
These examples reflect that asexuality is not a sin, but the prize!
As I prepared this lecture, I couldn’t help but think of the Buddhist’s tradition of THE
FOUR NOBLE TRUTHS. In simple terms, it’s stated as this:
1. Suffering, pain, and misery exist in life 2. Suffering arises from attachment to desires
3. Suffering ceases when attachment to desire ceases
4. Freedom from suffering is possible by practicing the Eightfold Path
The eightfold path helps free a person from desire, thus eliminating the suffering,
pain, and misery of life. I can’t tell you how many people experience feelings of desolation
due to their strong desire for sex. How many hours of life are wasted on grindr or bumble
trying to find that perfect hook-up for the moment? Paul was right when he said
celibacy would leave more room for God. It certainly would give you more time.
Now again, I’m not trying to equate asexuality with celibacy
or even a philosophy of discipline since even the Buddhist path requires a choice. But what
I am trying to say is that there’s a freedom from desire that benefits the asexual community.
And that should be viewed as a sacred gift!
Now I hope that you can forgive my use of Non-Christian teachings here, but again
Queer Theology sees the truth in all and just because we didn’t write it first,
doesn’t mean it’s less true.
In Queering the Scriptures, it is possible to see Mary, the mother of Jesus, as an asexual figure.
We tend to read Luke 1 as an amazing birth story of Jesus being born without his parents
having sexual relations. But perhaps the miracle, the grace in this story is that
Mary always longed for a child, but not so much the sex… the genital activity…. that precedes it.
Perhaps the miracle of the Annunciation is that God respects her sexual identity enough
to conceive a son without having the touch of a man. If this interpretation works,
then God not only blesses asexuality, but saves the world through it.
So what are some appropriate praxises to follow: First, like bisexuality, erasing erasure
can help by coming out! Make yourself visible. Coming out is a form of activism!
Raise a flag and march in a pride parade. Then share your experiences – thoughts and feelings.
How do you read the Bible? How do you perceive God? How do you live your faith? Then,
write about it. Proclaim it! Because I shouldn’t be the one doing it. The best theology comes
from the mouths of the people who are living it. And the resources an asexual theology are rare!
Religious institutions can minister to asexuals by recognizing it as a legitimate identity… not a sin
or a disorder. And can consider this when giving sermons or homilies that focus on
Male-female families with kids. If your church sponsors a coffee hour and you’re trying to get
to know new parishioners, don’t begin by asking, “are they married” or “do they have kids.”
Instead ask * “What are you passionate about?” “How do you like to spend your free time?”
“Who are the important people in your life?” These questions invite connection
without limiting possibilities. And make for better conversation, let’s admit it!
In short, I want you to walk away from this lecture recognizing that Asexuality does not
mean they are missing a piece. On the contrary, it’s filling another that most ignore.