hey guys my name is Yos some of you might know me from my Instagram account
"yoscw" where I post couple photos with my lover max, I don't actually call him
that I call him babe. As you've read from the title I'm gonna share my story about
how I ran away from home... it has everything to do with my coming out
story and how I dealt with it... which wasn't great. I'm gonna warn you guys
that this is not like a pretty story... it's still quite traumatizing for me
it's was a hard pill for me to swallow when everyone found out I was gay... it was
kind of like an ambush but let's delve into that right now
I don't know where to begin... it's such like a heavy topic you know what I'm
gonna start with 2014* yes 2014* that was the year when I started going to Parsons
for a photography that was my passion in life: photography and videography it
still is my passion but it's you know I'm getting sidetracked but hopefully
I'll be able to get into that again soon 2014* by the way it was an amazing year
for me it was my dream come true I've always want to live in New York City
I've always wanted to go to Parsons I've always wanted to study photography
videography in this amazing school and I was doing it so I was over the moon like
it was like the year and to preface everything I'm from Indonesia I grew up
in Tunisia I was born in Indonesia and I'm 100% Indonesian and moved away to
Canada for high school and then I went to New York City in 2014* my first year
in New York City was absolutely incredible I got to do everything that I
had wanted to do going to New York I've always told myself growing up when I was
still back in Tunisia that I was going to like go to North America to have fun
and be who I want to be and really just enjoy my life enjoyed that freedom
and then at some point go back to Indonesia and then live the life that my
parents when we live and follow their path and that's always been my plan and
I have never ever ever planned on coming out but everything of course changed New
York was so incredible for me I had a lot of firsts in New York I had my first
dates I had my first boyfriend I went to my first gay bar it was just an
incredible experience and I would not trade it for for the world to have that
experience in New York I could not have asked for like a better year and then I
was wrapping up my first year and then like every summer I would go back to
Indonesia because that's just what I've always done I would spend time with my
family and friends back home for two three months during the whole summer
that's somewhere I had tried to convince my mom to let me stay and work on a
couple projects but she wouldn't let me in she insisted that I go back to
Indonesia but I did not think anything of it because again this was like usual
for me I went back pretty early on that summer I think it was May and then I
remember like arriving to the airport and then seeing my family and I could
tell right away that something wasn't right but I couldn't put my finger on it
I would never have thought that what was gonna happen was gonna happen so I was
just kind of like being myself and whatever I was happy to be home I can't
remember who was that same day wife who was the day after that my mom told me to
come in her room and she sat me down and then she said yes we know you're gay my
heart instantly dropped and my reflex was to initially just deny and she
didn't buy it she told me that she has proof
I'm not gonna delve into that I know how she found out about everything but I
don't want to jump into that story right now
afterwards she told me that after afterwards she tells me that she
followed it up by telling me that she had also cancelled the lease to my
apartment and that she had taken away my passport and all my documents so there
was no way that I could re-enter the United States even if I wanted to I
remember that very moment like it was yesterday because I went to a really
really really dark place that first couple of weeks and I don't need to
delve into what that means I'm sure you can't imagine what being a dark place is
like my family start treating me completely differently and just the
whole situation weighed down on my family so much that being at home
everyday was so uncomfortable because I knew that the life that I had thought I
was gonna live was gonna be completely different like everything was gonna be
completely different everything had changed I guess through their eyes I was
different they didn't know who I was they didn't I grew up in front of them
thinking that I had this one identity and and suddenly I'm this completely
different person but that's not true because I've always been that same
person it's just that I've been hiding this one part of me because how
homophobic they are and growing up I hated myself for it I hated being gay so
much and in the honest truth I feel like this is the case with every
single kid out there who grew up in a religious household they're just gonna
grow up hating themselves so this was the time of my life when honestly it
feels like such a blur to me because when I talk about basically the entire
experience of me running away it doesn't feel like I'm talking about my story it
feels like I'm talking about someone else's story because I still can't
believe it happens to me but it did so during that period of time where I was
in deep darkness I try to figure out a way for me to be
able to escape because now the terms has changed my life is gonna be completely
different because everyone already knows that I'm gay so why does it matter
anymore why can't I just go out and be gay so
that was my new perspective now my new goal was for me to be able to go back to
United States somehow and then live my life the way I wanted to live so I tried
to run away the first time without basically any plan because I was just in
that mode where I just need to get away somehow
I didn't bring my passport I packed a very small backpack I had a bit of money
so then I went to hotels but within literally the first hour of me being in
that hotel room my parents my whole family my uncle was there as well
with a group of policemen to come get me that was an awful experience by the
happened by the way my uncle's a priest so basically right after they fetched me
from the hotel they took me home he sat me down in my room and started
talking to me and this is when I figured out how to run away properly so
basically from that night on I was gonna try and convince my entire family plus
my uncle that I was gonna try and be straight and not be gay anymore
we had this whole plan of meeting like once a week and talk about how I'm gonna
get over being gay I guess so it's like his version of conversion therapy so for
a couple of weeks I was like a good boy like I would go to church and I would be
in a good mood of course things were still awfully different because I was
faking it but at the same time I had to do what I had to do in order for me to
get my password back so after a couple of weeks I actually succeeded in getting
my passport back so now it was just a matter of trying to fly back to the
United States which I did with the help of my friend Patricia she is so amazing
so wonderful I wouldn't be here for working for her I had already packed
like a suitcase in a backpack for me to lead to her house first and then to the
airport for me to fly away Patricia arrived at my place we were gonna have
my driver driving back to Patricia's place because I see that all the time
when I was back in Nisha would just hang out at her place so then it wouldn't be
weird we somehow had to smuggle the suitcase without him being suspicious
that's when it got kind of bad because when I was carrying the suitcase down my
mom kind of saw what I was doing but Patricia was like quick on her feet she
grabbed the luggage and then put it in the car without her noticing
and then as I got in the car I remember kind of looking at my mom she looked
kind of teary-eyed so I had a feeling that she knew what was happening but I
had a feeling that she was kind of in shock probably because she believed that
I was actually gonna go through with like a conversion therapy anyway that
very same night I boarded a flight to Taipei it was an eight hour layover and
then after that back to New York and the first couple of months in New York was
rough but I was free and that was all that mattered but there were days what I
would wake up really traumatized so sometimes I would wake up in the morning
and then I would actually think that I was back in my old room Indonesia and I
would wake up in cold sweats because I thought I was back being trapped again
by my family and that was not fun but after a couple of months it kind of went
away on its own so thank God I basically relied on the help from a lot of amazing
strangers and a lot of amazing people a lot of amazing friends along the way I
lived with my dead boyfriend for a couple of months and then we broke up
thank God yeah and then the rest was history I guess at some point I met max
and yeah anyway that's right one end the story now I wish I had like a proper or
better advice to say to someone who's going through something like that or
even one coming out while you're living under
your family's roof who's like religious or homophobic or whatever his situation
is all I can say is just be strong because you're already strong for being
who you are right now and then try to think of a better plan than I did
because honestly I was reckless and I had to go through means that I wish I
didn't have to so I really hope that yours are gonna be better the most
important thing is just to kind of like plan your life ahead somehow if you're
able to be financially independent before you do anything a rash in case
your silver lining and your family don't do anything crazy yet and just hope and
pray that someday you'll get the opportunity to be able to have that
freedom all right so thank you so much guys for listening to my story sorry my
camera is so shit I just filmed this on an iPhone
I'm sure the audio is a horrible I'll figure that out when we're editing but
thank you thank you thank you so much and if you want to see more of our life
please subscribe to this channel their vlogs coming I know you guys want vlogs
that's coming soon so don't forget to subscribe and see I once in a while
because I love hearing for you guys