>>Russell Peters: Any Italian people, in the house, tonight, Italians?
[Audience members cheer]
[To audience member] Are you real Italian, or you like, a New York Italian?
You're New York-- That's not fucking real Italian, you know?
Your what?
>>Russell: Your parents from Italy? So, do you speak Italian?
>>Man: I do.
>>Russell: Oh, well then, you're real Italian!
[Inaudible]
>>Russell: Yeah, as long as you speak Italian, to me, you're real Italian, because you meet a lot of people,
in New York, that are Italian, but don't speak a fucking word, of Italian.
But they act more Italian, than the actual Italians do.
[Laughter]
I was standing, in Manhattan-- I was standing right in Times Square, the other day--
and uh, this Italian dude walked past me.
He had a-- what-- what I thought was, like, an Indian girl--
looked--
Looked like an Indian girl--
and they walk past me-- now I was just stand there, chillin', you know, just, you know, Times Square,
you can just stand there, and look at shit.
[No audio]
So, they walk past--
and I didn't check out his girl, all I did was this--
[No audio]
[Laughter]
They walked past, I was like-- it's an indian thing. The minute Indian people see another Indian person,
we're like,
[Loud gasp]
[Laughter and Clapping]
[Indian Accent] "I thought I was the only one!"
[Laughter]
That's the bubble we live in!
[Laughter]
But I didn't talk gawk. She walked-- they walk by, and I just did this--
and I just continued looking at, whatever-- nothing-- I was looking at, Times Square,
you're just fucking looking, at shit!
And I don't know, how this dude saw me--
[Low laughter]
but alI I-- all of a sudden, behind me, I hear,
[Yelling] "AYE!"
[Laughter]
And it's Times Square, so you don't pay attention to every, "aye," that you hear, so I'm like-- I'm just, you know--
[Yelling] "AYE!"
[Low laughter]
[Yelling in a New York accent] "AYE, DICKFACE!"
[Laughter]
I was like, "Dickface?"
[Laughter]
"I want to see who this, "Dickface" is.
[Laughter]
I'm like, "It's very close to my, "fuckface," what is, uh--
[Laughter and Clapping]
I mean, if this--
is a fuckface, what's a dickface, you know--
I don't-- like--
[Laughter]
I don't know what a dickface is!
[Laughter and Clapping]
I don't-- I don't know what a dickface is!
So, I want to see!
Where is this, "Dickface?!"
[Laughter]
He goes,
[Yelling in a New York accent] "AYE, DICKFACE!"
and I go,
and he goes,
[Yelling in a New York accent] "YEAH, YOU!"
I'm like, "I'm, Dickface?!"
[Laughter]
[New York accent] "Where the fuck you get the balls, to look at my girl?
"Cause you know what they do, is when they get angry, they'll ask you a question--
and it's a really fucked up question--
[Low laughter]
and it's-- it's a rhetorical question, to be honest with you.
But they ask you, like you're supposed to answer. They wait for you, to answer.
[New York accent] "Where the fuck-- let me ask you a question. Where the FUCK--"
"Where?!"
[Laughter]
"Where the FUCK--"
[Laughter]
"Do you get the balls to look at my girl? Where?!"
[Low laughter]
And I'm like, "I-- What? I--"
[Laughter]
[Yelling in a New York accent] "WHERE?!
"SHOW ME! WHY DON'T YOU FUCKIN' SHOW ME?!"
"TAKE ME! TAKE ME-- TO THE FUCKIN' STORE-- WHERE YOU-- GOT THE BALLS-- TO LOOK AT MY GIRL!
"WHERE?! WHERE THE FUCK-- DID YOU GET THE FUCKIN' BALLS--"
'WHERE?!"
[Applause]
And I--
I panicked, right?! I'm like,
"Cosco!"
[Laughter and Applause]
"I got a jar!"
[Laughter and Clapping]
♪ ♪