- Stopping the use of a pacifier
doesn't have to be a traumatic experience
for you and your toddler.
The main reason getting rid of a pacifier is so hard
is because children become very attached to them
over the years.
They're usually reliant on it
to help calm them in stressful situations
as well as to soothe themselves to sleep.
And for this reason, you need to do it gradually.
The very first step is to help reduce
the use of the pacifier throughout the day,
and ideally restrict the use to only naps and bedtime.
Now, for some toddlers, restricting the pacifier to naps
and bedtime might be too big of a jump.
And if that is the case, an alternative approach
is to establish pacifier free times
at times of low stress.
Meaning, times of the day when your toddler
is most comfortable and less likely to be stressed.
So for example, you might remove the pacifier
when your toddler is at home, happily playing,
but continue to give them the pacifier
when they're outside traveling in the car,
as well as during naps and bedtime.
Then as they become comfortable with not having the pacifier
while playing at home, you could extend that pacifier
free time to include car trips and outside play,
and only offer the pacifier for naps and bedtime.
Now, one challenge that you might experience
as you start to limit the pacifier use
to just naps and bedtimes only is your child
actually won't have the pacifier to pop into their mouth
to soothe themselves when they become distressed
during the day.
For example, in the past, if your toddler became upset
when you told them it was time to leave the playground,
you would've automatically given them the pacifier
to help calm them back down.
Now, because they're so used to using the pacifier
as a soothing tool, and it's no longer available to them,
you will need to help them develop new strategies
to cope with those big emotions
like anger, frustration, and sadness.
So some alternative strategies that you could actually try
with your little one is talking to them
about what is upsetting them, labeling their emotions,
giving them a cuddle and reassurance,
or doing some deep breathing,
or offering them a toy to cuddle.
If we were to use leaving the playground example again,
instead of giving them the pacifier when they get upset,
you would first label their emotions.
The way you do that is to identify the emotion
by saying something like,
"I can see you are feeling frustrated."
"I understand it's frustrating when you're having fun
and we have to leave."
The key is to label the emotion
in a way that's not negative,
and communicate to them that you understand
how they're feeling.
Then, you would suggest an alternative calming strategy
for your toddler to use instead.
So you might say, "It's hard leaving the park.
Do you want a cuddle or do you want to cuddle your teddy?"
This will help teach your child new ways to cope
with their big emotions like sadness, frustration,
and anger instead of using a pacifier
as the first line of defense.
And once they have those skills,
it will make removing the pacifier completely
much easier when the time comes.
When you are helping your little one learn
these alternative coping strategies,
it can be extremely helpful if you know
what level of communication skills they have at each age.
So make sure you click on the link
in the description box below to get access
to the free communication milestone chart,
so you'll know what to expect in regards
to your child's language skills at 12 months of age
all the way up to four years of age.
Now, once you've managed to limit your toddler's use
of the pacifier to naps and bedtimes,
it's time to decide on a date to get rid of it for good.
The most important thing here is choosing a date
when your household is calm and in a regular routine.
You're going to have a higher chance of success,
and the transition will be a lot smoother
if your toddler is calm.
Therefore, you should avoid removing the pacifier
when you're in the middle of things like toilet training,
moving house, changing jobs, changing childcare services,
or a sibling is arriving.
All right, so once you've decided on the date,
it's time to prepare your toddler.
By preparing your toddler for the big transition
and letting them know that you will be there
to help them through it, you are reducing the likelihood
that your toddler will have a very big reaction
when the pacifier suddenly disappear.
If your child is under three years of age,
make sure you stay calm,
and simply state what is going to happen
when you tell them you are getting rid of their pacifier.
If your child is three and over, it can be extremely helpful
and motivating to actually involve them in the process
of choosing a special date to ditch the pacifier,
as well as discussing where they want the pacifiers to go.
So for example, they may choose to pack
all their pacifiers up on Christmas Eve,
and give them to Santa to use to make new toys
for other kids.
In addition to involving them in the process at this age,
another good idea is to swap the pacifier for a gift,
and this can help to provide your toddler
with a little bit extra motivation to give up the pacifiers,
and make that overall experience feel
a little bit more positive for them.
Now, let's talk about what to do when the big date arrives.
So on the date that you've decided,
it's time to collect all the pacifiers in the house,
the next steps actually depends on your child's age
and your plan for getting rid of the pacifiers.
So if your toddler is under three years of age,
you would simply inform your child that today is the day
that we say goodbye to the pacifiers,
and collect all the pacifiers following their midday nap.
If your child is over three years of age,
and the pacifiers are going to be re-gifted,
then you would wrap the pacifiers up in a box,
and say goodbye to them well before bedtime.
So if they have a midday nap,
then you would do it after that midday nap.
Then at bedtime, you would simply help your toddler
fall asleep without offering them the pacifier.
Now, the reason you remove the pacifier
at bedtime first, and not before a nap, for example,
is because your toddler circadian rhythm and sleep pressure
will actually be working together
to help your little one fall asleep.
And this means that your toddler is more likely
to have success falling asleep
without the use of the pacifier.
Now, it is important to acknowledge
that those first few nights
without the pacifier may be challenging,
because your toddler has to learn how to fall asleep
without actually sucking on a pacifier.
So you will need to be empathetic and prepared
to provide more comfort than usual during naps and bedtimes.
But it's really important
that you do not give the pacifier back.
I know it is hard, but if you give the pacifier
back to your child after they've cried, screamed,
or kicked for 10, 20, 30 minutes,
you'll only encourage your child to do this
every single night, and it will make it
that much harder to get rid of the pacifier.
And just remember that your toddler's sleep and behavior
will get better.
In fact, most kids adapt in less than a week.
In addition to experiencing sleep challenges,
your toddler is also highly likely to tantrum
more frequently during this period of adjustment.
So make sure you watch this video next
to learn the seven steps that you can actually start
doing right now to help reduce the intensity
and frequency of those tantrums.
And before you go, if you've like this video,
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