Happy New Year.
My resolution was to win a Carol Burnett Award, and I did it.
[APPLAUSE]
In the first week, I got my resolution all settled.
So I'm a tiny bit tired today, I got to tell you.
I know it's Tuesday for you guys.
But on Sunday night, I not only went to the Golden Globes,
but I went out afterwards.
And I don't go to parties, usually, at all.
But it's a big night, and there were a lot of parties,
and so I went to not one, but two parties.
And oh boy-- guess how late I stayed out.
I just want you to guess.
How late do you think I stayed up?
[CHATTER]
OK.
All right.
So The Globes started at 5.
It's a three-hour show, goes to 8.
Then you have to, like, travel to the parties and all that.
Keep that in mind.
I was at home in bed by 10:30.
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHS] Yeah.
This was tiring, I'll tell you that.
This was really tir--
as a matter of--
I'm going to sit down.
Usually I stand up, but I'm going to sit down right now.
I'm--
[APPLAUSE]
Oh, thank you.
It's-- sorry.
I can't stand up anymore.
I'm tired.
It was a fun night.
My friend Kate McKinnon presented the award to me.
She is so incredible.
I love her so very much.
[APPLAUSE]
If you did not see her speech before she
presented me the award--
and I barely remember it, so let's all watch it together.
The Carol Burnett Award is given to someone
who, like its namesake, Carol Burnett,
has given us decades of laughter,
tears, and a new sense of what's possible.
So I would like to read a list of things
that tonight's recipient, Ellen DeGeneres,
has personally given me.
And some of these are spiritual, and some of them
are pieces of clothing I got to keep after doing impressions
of her on her talk show.
A roadmap for a way to be funny that
is grounded in an expression of joy, two pairs of Stan Smith
sneakers--
that's one of the clothes ones--
a desire to bring everyone together
by laughing about the things that we have in common, my best
collared shirts, a sense of self.
I have to explain that one more.
In 1997, when Ellen's sitcom was at the height
of its popularity, I was in my mother's basement,
lifting weights in front of the mirror and thinking, am I gay?
And I was.
And I still am.
And--
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you.
But that's a very scary thing to suddenly know about yourself.
It's sort of like doing 23andMe and discovering
that you have alien DNA.
And the only thing that made it less scary
was seeing Ellen on TV.
She risked her entire life and her entire career
in order to tell the truth.
And she suffered greatly for it.
Of course, attitudes change, but only
because brave people like Ellen jump into the fire
to make them change.
And if I hadn't seen her on TV, I would have thought,
I could never be on TV.
They don't let LGBTQ people on TV.
And more than that, I would have gone
on thinking that I was an alien, and that I maybe didn't even
have a right to be here.
So thank you, Ellen, for giving me a shot--
[APPLAUSE]
--a shot at a good life.
And thank you, also, for the sweater with the picture
of the baby goat on it.
[LAUGHS]
[APPLAUSE]
Ah, she's just the best.
Kate is here today.
We're going to talk to her a little later.
And in case you did not see my speech--
I feel like it's weird to show it again.
But some people, if you didn't see it,
this is my acceptance speech.
Before I say anything, Australia, I love you.
My heart goes out to everyone who
is suffering in Australia, all the animals that we've lost.
Kate, you're incredible, and thank you so much.
I know how hard--
I hate being asked to do things like this.
So thank you for doing this.
Thank you for flying here.
Thank you for writing something.
Thank you for the amazing--
the words that you said.
Thank you so much.
I love you.
I love it.
Thank you so much to the Hollywood Foreign Press.
I feel humbled and honored to receive this.
The first person after Carol Burnett is quite an honor,
so thank you so much.
It's a prestigious award, and what I like most about
it is that I knew coming in I would win, because--
[EXHALES] I mean, there's nothing worse
than sitting there, like most of you,
waiting and wondering if you're going to win,
and politely acting like, oh, I'm
going to listen to everybody's speeches, like it's nice.
And it's not.
Because people just go on and on and on and on and on and on
and on and on, and you're like, I'm not going to do that.
I'm going to be quick.
Although I don't have to, because it's a special award,
and they don't play me off.
I mean, I don't have to end at all,
because it's a special award.
But they said they were going to give me a sign at 25 minutes.
But that's for my reference, just to see where I was.
But I could go on.
I'm not.
I'm going to keep it quick.
I was born in New Orleans in 1958, January 26th.
Dr. Swanson delivered me at 8:43 in the morning, a rainy,
rainy--
and not-- I mean, Louisiana, a heavy rain.
My parents drove me home in a Buick.
I think it was a Buick.
It could have been a Ford or a Chrysler or a--
it was a Bu--
I think it was a Buick.
The point is, they brought me home in a car.
And before I knew it, I had a successful sitcom,
and I came out.
And then I lost that sitcom.
And then I got another sitcom, and I lost that sitcom, too.
And then I got to do something that I'd never
been able to do before, and that is make my own whiskey.
And after that I got a talk show,
and I was able to be myself.
And that was 17 years ago.
And I feel like you've all really
gotten to know me over the past 17 years.
I am an open book.
And I couldn't have done it without my husband Mark.
[LAUGHTER]
Mark, you are my rock.
Thank you for supporting me through this crazy journey.
I know it wasn't easy for you or the kids.
Rupert and Fiona, go to bed.
I love you.
That's funny, because they're in college now, but--
The point is, you all know me.
And obviously you know me, or else you
wouldn't have laughed at all that.
I feel like we all think we know someone.
There's a connection when we watch someone on TV
for as long as we are on TV.
And that's what it was like for me with Carol Burnett.
I felt like I knew her.
I felt like she showed us who she was every week.
She was larger than life.
She was--
[APPLAUSE]
We counted on her to make us feel good,
and she delivered, every single week.
She never let us down.
She was hilarious in all the sketches that she did.
And when she did the Q&A with the audience,
she was just genuine and personal,
and I always felt like she was speaking to me.
When, at the end of the show-- every time she pulled her ear,
I knew she was saying, it's OK.
I'm gay, too.
[LAUGHTER]
Thank you.
Television inspired and influenced everything
that I am today--
Lucille Ball, Mary Tyler Moore, Marlo Thomas, Dick Van Dyke,
Bob Newhart, Mannix.
[LAUGHTER]
There's a little bit of all of them in me.
That didn't sound right.
But you know what I'm saying.
All I've ever wanted to do is make people feel good
and laugh, and there is no greater feeling
than when someone tells me that I've made their day better
with my show, or that I've helped
them get through a sickness or a hard time in their lives.
But the real power of television for me
is not that people watch my show, but people watch my show
and then they're inspired to go out and do the same thing
in their own lives.
They make people laugh, or be kind, or help someone that's
less fortunate than themselves.
And that is the power of television,
and I'm so, so grateful to be a part of it.
Thank you so much, everybody.
[APPLAUSE]
What a night it was.
You're in for a great show right now.
Give it up for tWitch, everybody.