LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AZIZ ANSARI!
♪♪♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THANK YOU! THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
I'M HERE HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> YEAH!
THE DAY AFTER TRUMP'S INAUGURATION.
MM. PRETTY COOL TO KNOW THOUGH HE'S
PROBABLY AT HOME RIGHT NOW WATCHING A BROWN GUY MAKE FUN OF
HIM THOUGH, RIGHT? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
CRAZY COUPLE OF DAYS, MAN. YESTERDAY, TRUMP WAS
INAUGURATED. TODAY AN ENTIRE GENDER PROTESTED
AGAINST HIM. WOW.
EVERYONE SHOULD SUPPORT THAT. IT SHOWS THAT PEOPLE CARE.
VERY COOL. I DO THINK WE SHOULD BE CAREFUL
THOUGH. YOU CAN'T DEMONIZE EVERYONE THAT
VOTED FOR TRUMP. SOME PEOPLE SAY EVERYBODY WHO
VOTED FOR TRUMP IS A DUMB RACIST.
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT 63 MILLION PEOPLE.
DON'T JUDGE THEM. SOME PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT
POLITICAL PRIORITIES. SOME PEOPLE VOTED FOR HIM WITH
RESERVATIONS. I'M SURE A LOT OF PEOPLE VOTED
FOR TRUMP THE SAME WAY A LOT OF PEOPLE LISTEN TO CHRIS BROWN.
HEY, MAN. I'M JUST HERE FOR THE TUNES.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT OTHER STUFF.
I JUST LIKE THE DANCING AND THE MUSIC.
I DON'T CONDONE THE EXTRACURRICULARS.
IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, DONALD TRUMP IS BASICALLY THE CHRIS
BROWN OF POLITICS. AND MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN IS
HIS "THESE HOS AIN'T LOYAL." SO, LOOK.
WE ARE DIVIDED. IT'S OKAY.
WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN DIVIDED BY SOME OF THE BIG POLITICAL
ISSUES. IT'S FINE.
AS LONG AS WE TREAT EACH OTHER WITH WITH RESPECT AND REMEMBER
WE ARE ALL AMERICANS IT WILL BE FINE.
BUT THE PROBLEM IS -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
-- THE PROBLEM IS THERE IS A NEW GROUP.
I'M TALKING ABOUT A TINY SLICE OF PEOPLE THAT HAVE GOTTEN WAY
TOO FIRED UP ABOUT THE TRUMP THING FOR THE WRONG REASONS.
THESE PEOPLE THAT AS SOON AS TRUMP WON THEY'RE LIKE, WE DON'T
HAVE TO PRETEND LIKE WE'RE NOT RACIST ANYMORE!
WE DON'T HAVE TO PRETEND ANYMORE!
WE CAN BE RACIST AGAIN, WHOO! WHOA, WHOA.
NO, NO. IF YOU'RE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE,
PLEASE GO BACK TO PRETENDING. YOU'VE GOT TO GO BACK TO
PRETENDING. I'M SORRY WE NEVER THANKED YOU
FOR YOUR SERVICE. WE NEVER REALIZED HOW MUCH
EFFORT YOU WERE PUTTING INTO THE PRETENDING.
YOU'VE GOT TO GO BACK TO PRETENDING.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HEY.
I KNOW IT'S BEEN A ROUGH COUPLE OF YEARS.
OBAMA, "EMPIRE," "HAMILTON." IT'S BEEN HIT AFTER HIT AFTER
HIT. "STAR WARS" MOVIES WHERE THE
ONLY WHITE CHARACTERS ARE STORM TROOPERS.
I GET IT. IT'S BEEN ROUGH.
YOU'VE GOT TO STOP. YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT.
THIS NEW LOWER CASE KKK MOVEMENT.
THIS CASUAL WHITE SUPREMACY. OH, LET ME PUT MY FOOT IN THE
POOL AND SEE HOW COLD THIS WATER REALLY IS.
NO. NO.
I'M TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE RUNNING AROUND SAYING STUFF LIKE TRUMP
WON, GO BACK TO AFRICA. TRUMP WON, GO BACK TO MEXICO.
THEY SEE ME. TRUMP WON, GO BACK TO -- WHERE
YOU CAME FROM. YEAH.
THEY'RE NOT USUALLY GEOGRAPHY BUFFS.
[ APPLAUSE ] IS THAT THE PLAN, BY THE WAY?
WE'RE ALL GOING TO MOVE? ALL THE MINORITIES?
40-SOME PERCENT OF THE COUNTRY? EVERY MINORITY'S GOING TO MOVE?
BEYONCE'S GOING TO MOVE? BEYONCE AIN'T MOVING.
I AIN'T MOVING. OKAY?
MY PARENTS -- [ APPLAUSE ]
MY PARENTS MOVED FROM INDIA TO SOUTH CAROLINA IN THE EARLY
'80s. THEY DIDN'T MOVE UNTIL NINE
YEARS AGO. DO YOU KNOW WHERE THEY MOVED?
NORTH CAROLINA. THEY LOVE IT HERE.
THEY'RE NOT LEAVING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
LOWER CASE KKK, MAN. THEY'RE OUT THERE.
HATE CRIMES AND STUFF ARE ON THE RISE.
AS FAR AS PEOPLE MY OWN SKIN TONE, BROWN PEOPLE.
I THINK PART OF THE PROBLEM IS A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVEN'T INTERACTED
WITH ANY BROWN PEOPLE IN NORMAL LIFE.
THE ONLY THING THEY SEE IS MONSTERS ON THE NEWS WHO ARE A
DROP IN THE OCEAN. ON THE NEWS REPORTS THEY SHOULD
DO A SECOND REPORT ABOUT OTHER BROWN PEOPLE UP TO NORMAL STUFF
TO CALM THOSE PEOPLE DOWN. SO LIKE THE SUSPECT IS
CONSIDERED ARMED AND DANGEROUS. NOT ARMED AND DANGEROUS THESE
FOUR MUSLIM PEOPLE EATING NACHOS IN CHICAGO.
LET'S GO TO FOOTAGE OF THEM. LOOKS LIKE NASIR SPENT CHEESE ON
HIS KHAKIS. GOT OVERAMBITIOUS WITH THE LAST
DIP. WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE.
A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE ISLAMAPHOBIC WHICH DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
SAME GOD. PEOPLE ARE SCARED.
WHY? ANY TIME THEY WATCH MOVIES, TV
SHOWS AND A CHARACTER IS ARABIC, PRAYING OR SOMETHING THAT SCARY
MUSIC FROM "HOMELAND" IS UNDERNEATH IT.
IT'S TERRIFYING. ♪♪♪
PEOPLE ARE LIKE, AAH! WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?
GOD IS GOOD, NORMAL RELIGIOUS STUFF.
IT'S OKAY. YOU WANT TO END ISLAMAPHOBIA.
CHANGE THE MUSIC. IF THE MUSIC WAS LIKE --
[ SINGING THEME TO "BENNY HILL" ]
PEOPLE ARE LIKE, MAN IT'S ALL ONE WHIMSICAL RELIGION, ISN'T
IT? I THINK TRUMP SHOULD MAKE A REAL
SPEECH DENOUNCING THE LOWER CASE KKK.
DON'T TWEET ABOUT ME BEING LAME OR THE SHOW.
A REAL SPEECH. THESE PEOPLE ARE OUT THERE AND
IT ISPISSING PEOPLE OFF. OTHER PRESIDENTS HAVE DONE THIS
AND IT'S HELPED. AFTER 9/11 GEORGE BUSH MADE A
SPEECH AND HATE CRIMES WENT DOWN.
HE SAID ISLAM IS PEACE. THE PERPETRATORS OF THESE
ATTACKS DON'T REPRESENT ISLAM. THEY REPRESENT WAR AND VIOLENCE.
OUR ENEMIES ARE NOT OUR MUSLIM BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
OUR ENEMIES ARE NETWORKS OF RADICAL TERRORISTS.
EVERYONE APPLAUDED. REPUBLICANS, DEMOCRATS,
DIDN'T MATTER. IT WAS NOT ABOUT POLITICS.
IT WAS ABOUT BASIC HUMAN DECENCY AND REMEMBERING WHY THE
COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I'M SITTING HERE WATCHING THE SPEECH AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT THE
HELL HAS HAPPENED? I'M SITTING HERE WISTFULLY
WATCHING OLD GEORGE W. BUSH SPEECHES?
WHAT A LEADER HE WAS! 16 YEARS AGO I WAS CERTAIN THIS
DUDE WAS A DILDO. NOW I'M LIKE, HE GUIDED US WITH
HIS ELOQUENCE! [ APPLAUSE ]
I WANT TO LEAVE YOU GUYS WITH A SERIOUS THOUGHT.
I KNOW THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT ARE WORRIED NOW.
THIS IS A WEIRD TIME. IF YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT TRUMP,
GREAT. HE'S PRESIDENT.
LET'S HOPE HE DOES A GREAT JOB. IF YOU'RE SCARED ABOUT TRUMP AND
YOU'RE VERY WORRIED, YOU'RE GOING TO BE OKAY, TOO.
IF YOU LOOK AT OUR HISTORY, CHANGE DOESN'T COME FROM
PRESIDENTS. CHANGE COMES FROM LARGE GROUPS
OF ANGRY PEOPLE. AND IF DAY ONE IS ANY
INDICATION, YOU ARE PART OF THE LARGEST GROUP OF ANGRY PEOPLE I
HAVE EVER SEEN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
GOOD LUCK TO YOU. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT!
BIG SEAN IS HERE. SO STICK AROUND.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.