- People will die, all because of these hands.
(upbeat carnival music)
- Today we're gonna play Rollercoaster Tycoon
for the first time since childhood.
- My recollection of this game is really minimal.
There were a lot of people vomiting after
I set up three rollercoasters.
- I have two older sisters.
They would always hog the computer, so I could
really only play this game in like the dead of night.
- When I was in elementary school
I played Rollercoaster Tycoon a lot.
I took it out of the library
and I never returned it.
Sorry Lakewood Public Library.
- I had it on a CD-rom.
- You could like click on individual guests
and it would like, show you their facial expression.
My guests would always be mad.
So then I would do the thing where you
pick them up and you just like drop them in the water
and you just like let them drown.
I would punish my guests if they didn't
appreciate the majesty of the park I created.
- One day one of my rollercoasters exploded
and I didn't know that could happen.
I felt so bad for killing all these fake little people
that I have not played since.
- Honestly, I probably haven't played this game
since like the mid-2000s.
- I'm hoping I go in to make some good ass money.
I am coming back to make some bank.
Oh my gosh.
It's like even the graphics are so old.
Oh my god, this is amazing.
- I feel like I remember playing Forest Frontiers
when I played this.
- I'm choosing Blackpool Pleasure Beach
because it sounds like an adult park.
- "Your objective: To have at least 250 guests
"in your park at the end of October, Year 1,
"with a park rating of at least 600."
- So I have no rides, no staff, no guests.
Well I'm closed, okay.
- Oh I forgot about that chinging sound effect
for when people come in.
That's right, you can hike up the price.
- Oh wait, wait, this is a business game, hold up.
We need a loan.
- Just very in debt now.
I don't care.
- So I feel like I should try to kill people,
get over my fear of killing people.
- There is still that one wandering person here.
Fool.
- "Park entrance fee is too high."
Okay.
People are cheap as fuck.
- Oh, I forgot that people get sick,
and then you have to clean up their throw up.
What is this game?
- I can't find the entrance button.
People can't ride the ride I set up.
You know what?
I'm gonna just build this empire on food and drinks.
- I should build some more trash cans, too,
because people are filthy and disgusting.
They're gonna fuck up my park.
- Uh oh, something is broken down.
But it won't, how did I kill people?
I think I was just a bad park owner,
which makes me even sadder that it's this hard
to kill people.
- Now this needs an entrance.
Oh, I figured out how to play this game.
- Everything is on the up and up for me.
I am a very good businesswoman.
This is an ugly fucking park, though,
just from an aesthetics standpoint.
- All of my rollercoasters are breaking down now.
This is how it starts.
- And there's still this one guy
just roamin' the property.
"I'm lost."
Fool, no shit.
- I know that you could like drop them in lakes sometimes.
I swear to god, I'm not a homicidal person.
These games bring out weird things in people.
- I don't think I wanna kill anyone right now.
I think they're all being appropriately grateful.
- Why are they mowing the lawn?
Do you see how much property there is to go around?
They have to, I'm not, no.
There has gotta be a way to stop this nonsense.
Oh my god, this guy's doin' it, too.
That is some nice grass.
He mowed it.
- I don't have money?
Alright, well, I'm gonna go further in debt
because I don't give a shit.
- Hey, I turned around that loan.
- Alright, Kaley, let's go for a ride.
(laughing)
That's right, I put Kaley on the top of a hill
and she can't get off.
- I do feel really proud about my park.
I'm pretty attached.
- Look at this.
I've made an M.
I don't even know if this ride will function.
- Oh, here's the pool.
Let's see if I can drop somebody in here.
Can you drop people?
Maybe I'm just makin' that up.
Yep, oh god.
(laughing)
I just killed Allison, she drowned.
It was so sad, she was struggling for a little bit.
She let go of the balloon and it flew up.
- I would name it Bench City,
mostly just 'cause I have a bench and I feel
like everybody that wants to come to this park
is down with benches.
Um, I guess I'll get a Merry-Go-Round
'cause I don't have anything better to do.
Merry-Go-Rounds are so boring.
I feel like people that only go on Merry-Go-Rounds
'cause they wanna make out.
- "Guests are commenting your park fee, che--"
Do people want this place to be expensive?
25 bucks.
Sue me.
I'm trying to make you a rollercoaster,
y'all better respect that.
- Alright, Clive.
Clive's gonna go for a swim.
Where did he go?
Oh my god, he went, oh.
But a part of me wants to drop another person in.
- Oh, my fee's too high now?
'Cause clearly everyone was saying it was too cheap
and now it's too high.
- Oh no.
Oh, the balloon is just going.
I hate it.
- I'm in the red.
I'm raising money, I have $11.
But that's amazing.
For a new business to break even in less than a year?
That's really impressive if I do say so myself.
- It's totally as I remembered
but I remember having like six hours to kill
in the day on a weekend.
It's fun to create things and like, play god.
- I drowned someone.
I wasn't sure how many you were gonna use.
(laughing)
The game did take me back to a simpler time
of fifth grade, spending hours just building things
on a computer.
- It's really satisfying to look at your creation,
at your park, and be like, "Oh this place looks fun."
I'd go to Bench City or Frontier Forest,
or whatever the fuck I called it.
When I was a kid, I remember having
like rage freak outs over this game.
And as an adult, I was like, "This is kind of dumb,
"I don't really get it."
And then as soon as I started playing again,
I was like, "No, I get it."
I feel like I'm like a Disney villain right now.
I'm just, look at me, I made something.