-Hi, in this video, I'm going to share
some simple steps you can use to inspire a man to step into his power.
Hi there, Mat Shaffer, your dating empowerment
and relationship couch.
Today we're going to talk about a subject I here hear a lot of questions
from on my YouTube channel and also in my work
with private clients every day around how can I get him to show up deeper?
How can I get him to step fully into his power?
Because a lot of women don't feel safe in relationship.
Can you relate to that?
I'm going to share some simple steps you can use with a man you're dating
or a man you're in a relationship with to really get him to feel comfortable
and feel confident that you are there for him to really step into his power.
He's going to love you for this.
Before we do, take a second, hit that subscribe button if you haven't yet.
I'm uploading new stuff all the time,
and I'd love to have you as part of the tribe.
First off, let's look at why this is so important.
It all starts with the fundamental understanding
that men are purpose-driven creatures. Men are creators.
Men are looking to go out there and build something with their lives.
That's why men are the doers in terms of the energy between men and women.
They are pushing, they're forcing, they are building.
A lot of times women are in that space, it can be exhausting.
It requires a lot of responsibilities to be striving outside of yourself
and building something that's never existed before.
Whether it be in their job in their career,
maybe they're building a business.
Maybe they have a mission to do something in the world,
whatever it is.
If a man is operating from his deepest sense of self,
he is out there building, and that can be exhausting.
We can get beat up out there.
That is where you have such a powerful opportunity to step in and inspire us
to fall deeper into our masculine power.
Because if we don't, if we don't have that support,
if we don't have that energy from you, the world can grind us up and chew us up,
and we can become emasculated.
That's going to undermine not just our workout in the world,
but it's going to undermine our relationships too.
Because you know, ladies, if a man comes home and he's not in his masculine,
he's feeling weak, he's feeling defeated and he's not confident,
you're going to stop feeling safe in that relationship too, aren't you?
Because there's not going to be polarity there between his masculine
and your feminine.
If he's not showing up as the man that you need and want him to be,
that's going to create a problem.
This is going to support you, these steps I'm going to share with you
aren't just going to support him in building what he wants in the world;
it's going to support you in the dynamic of the relationship.
Step one is to be curious and interested about his mission,
about his purpose, about his passions in his life.
How do we do that? We do that by asking deep questions.
Being curious,
and really allowing him to speak into this.
Ask him questions.
Why are you so into carving?
Or, what is it about fishing that you love so much?
Or, why have you chosen to dedicate your life to serving people in this way?
Ask him questions and let him know that you're genuinely interested
in why this is such a big deal for him.
If you can make him feel like you are curious and interested in his why,
he's going to feel safe and empowered to talk about it with you,
and he's going to know you're there for him as he pursues it.
An important point around this is that you do not need to share
his passion or his interest or fascination in whatever it is that he is into.
You don't need to be obsessed with tailoring or volunteer work
in the Amazon, or in woodwork, or a sport,
or whatever he's obsessed with, whatever he's passionate about,
whatever he's out there creating in the world.
It doesn't need to be your thing.
He just needs to feel like you're honoring his thing.
Let's use my mom and dad for an example.
My dad is a master fisherman.
He has been fishing since he was a small child.
He's been a charter guide.
He's fished all over the world and he's dedicated
most of his life to the art of fishing and goes down to the Everglades
on a regular basis.
Every time he comes home from fishing, my mom asks him about it.
Has she ever gone fishing with him?
Maybe a handful of times in her entire life.
She is not a fish or a woman, it is not her thing,
and that doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter that it's not her thing.
Every time he gets home, she asks him about it,
and then she holds space for his stories and allows him to talk about them.
That's activating for man to talk about his passions,
talk about his stories, talk about his purpose.
When you hold space for him to do that,
you're deepening connection with him and you're helping them feel
more empowered about what it is that he loves to do.
Step two is once you've established with him that you understand his purpose,
that you are curious about it, and that you're open to it,
you get to support him unconditionally in his pursuit of that.
What's really important about that is to not just assume that you know
what kind of support that he wants, maybe he wants a cheerleader.
That's something that a lot of men crave is being acknowledged and recognized
for what it is that they're doing in the world.
If he's got a huge project that he's working on
and he's stressed out about it, maybe what he needs is for you to say,
"You know what? I believe in you.
I am here for you." Because he's got a lot of doubts.
He's got a lot of insecurities coming up.
Hearing that from a woman that he cares about a woman that he respects
and that he loves it and admires, feeling her support,
he can sometimes borrow that when his own support is flagging.
Alternatively, he may want a sanctuary.
He may have just had a tough day and he just wants to put down the burden
of whatever it is that he's been working on,
whatever obstacles he faced, whatever challenges he had overcome,
and maybe he just wants to soften and relaxed and feel safe in that space,
maybe he just wants you to hold him or pat him,
or just hold space for him to vent about what it is
that he had experienced that day.
Maybe he doesn't need a cheerleader.
That's why it's important for you to ask him,
connect with him, and be like, "Hey, it seems like you've had a tough day.
How can I support you?"
Again, asking questions is a powerful way
to tailor your behavior in a way that's going to inspire him
and activate him and really help him feel empowered
in whatever he's taking on in the world.
Step three is very, very, very important.
It's based on a phrase that I came up with.
Men are like bread and they need space to rise.
This is something that can appeal to all aspects of the relationship.
Especially if a man is in his purpose,
you want to give him the space to pursue it.
Do not try to necessarily insert yourself into situations or into challenges
that he's experiencing in his career, in his business.
Like it's his hero's journey.
One of the defining characteristics of being a man is slaying your dragons.
It's going out into the world, facing our obstacles,
overcoming our challenges.
That's what defines us and helps us understand and identify who we are
and how strong and how powerful we are.
If a man has momentum, if he's committed,
if he's out there doing it,
then your job, one of your most powerful responsibilities
as a woman is to give him the space to step into that masculine space,
to step into that power that he possesses.
In the back of his head, while he's out there slaying his dragons,
he knows that you understand his passion,
you understand his mission and his vision for his life,
and that your unconditional support for him in it,
and then you're honoring his pursuit of it by giving him the space that he needs
and that he requires to be able to go out there and be the hero
of his personal story.
Then the fourth step,
and this is the fun part is that when he comes back
from slaying his dragons, when he comes back from overcoming
his own obstacles, when he reaches the final chapter of his hero's journey,
you get to celebrate with him.
Celebrate his wins,
celebrate whatever he overcame in the process.
If you can honor that stage of his journey and acknowledge him
for whatever he overcame, whatever he endured
and the victories that he had along the way,
he's going to feel so good connected to you.
He's going to feel so polarized towards you,
because in that space, he is in his masculine.
He is the victorious conqueror coming home from his quest.
You were there at the door and make him feel really powerful
and masculine for what it is that he went out
and created in the world.
Take these four steps and take them with you into your relationship
and recognize that if you can be curious and connected to what a man's purpose
and mission and vision are, and you can support them unconditionally,
and then you give him the space to pursue it in a powerful way,
and then celebrate his wins when he comes back
from slaying his dragons, that he's going to love
and adore you and deeply appreciate that you understand and recognize
what he's experiencing as a man and being that support
that he needs on his path.
I hope this resonated with you.
Take a second and hit that little subscribe button,
if you haven't already,
and I'll see you next time on my YouTube channel.
Bye-bye.