Going to the movies.
It’s when you escape into a magical world
where heroes save the day, love conquers all,
and popcorn costs $30.
But after the past year, you might’ve forgotten
what it’s like to watch a film in a place
where the seats smell like other people’s farts.
So I’m here with some tips on
At home, you can always just pause the movie whenever
you need to take a bathroom break or a bubble bath break,
but you can’t do that in a movie theater
unless you bribe the projectionist.
So that’s why tip number one is...
Then you can text him whenever you need to pause.
Excuse me, I gotta go get more candy.
I gotta get more candy. I’ll be back in five.
Next step.
It’s so important to be respectful of others
when using your phone in a theater.
So if someone calls you during the movie, show them respect
and answer it.
Shropshire.
And in case your conversation distracts
the other audience members,
recap what’s happening on the screen for them.
Bugs Bunny dressed up like a girl bunny,
and it’s making LeBron very horny.
Shropshire, college golf teammate.
But the most important thing to remember
when you’re at the theater is,
you’re not the only one watching this movie.
You’re part of a shared experience.
That brings me to our final tip.
You don’t wanna ruin someone else’s enjoyment of the movie.
That’s why when you bootleg the movie to pirate it later on,
you’re gonna want to use a tripod,
and invest in some good microphones, too.
Sir, sir. Move, move.
The people who made this movie poured their heart
and soul into it. The least you can do is make sure
their creative vision is preserved
when you’re selling DVDs of it out of the trunk
of your car in the parking lot at the Waffle House.
[Loud knocking]
FBI!
[Loud knocking]
FBI!
Anywho, by following all of these tips,
you’ll have no problem going back to the movies.
But if you’re still not ready to go back
and you wanna watch the latest releases,
you know where to find me.
[Loud knocking]
This is the FBI!
No one’s here!