Jeremy was the first to arrive.
There we are. Now, obviously,
my original plan of simply bolting a very large outboard engine
to the back of a pick-up truck worked very well... until it rolled over.
So, to prevent that happening again, what I've done
is I've welded up the doors much more thoroughly this time.
That should stop water getting into the cockpit
and sloshing from side to side.
In the back, I've fitted these big drums, which, when I go in the water,
I simply lower them like this...
so they're like sort of stabilisers on a child's bicycle.
And that should give me more...
-Stability. -Yes, that.
Next, Hammond arrived.
-Now... -Yeah!
-Now, you see, Hammond... -Yes.
What you've done there, mate... is you've parked a van on top of a boat.
No, no, it's brilliant. Let me tell you. It is a refinement of the theory.
Check it out, flying bridge, completely equipped.
-It's not a flying bridge. -More-or-less.
And this is where the girls go.
-Up here, in bikinis. -Richard, I'm already seeing the problem.
-Would you like to step down. -Yes.
-Stand at the wheel. -Yes.
-Look ahead. -Yeah, that is an issue.
I didn't discover it until...
I need a box. I need a sailing box.
As before, Richard had stuck with the cabin cruiser principle.
And, as before, to make it move in the water,
he'd simply fixed a propeller to the Volkswagen's rear-mounted engine.
So, as you're driving down the road,
-this propeller is turning? -A bit.
Have you rung the highways department and told them
you're driving a car with, effectively, a blender on the back?
And there was another issue.
-This is your hull. -Yes, it is.
-These are holes in it. -Fibreglass. They are.
-That's for the wheels. -I've seen Titanic.
-Got a hole in it, sank. -Well, no.
I've sealed them around the arch with foam.
I see. So, if Titanic had been filled with foam, it would've been here today.
But they didn't know that. You can't knock them for that.
Fibreglass hull, predominantly. Barely tips the scales at over five tons.
-And the cooling? -Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, there's that.
Jeremy then showed off his handiwork.
-You've set fire to it by the looks of it. -There was a small fire. The welding.
-Oh, yeah. -And then, while waiting for James...
Oh, again, ambitious.
So, you're thinking of what to occupy yourself with whilst on the water.
-Whilst you sink again. -No, not this time.
-It will. -It won't.
-It will. -It just won't.
Some time, much later, James arrived in a flurry of déjà vu.
-It's the same vehicle. -The same car.
-Well, not exactly. -No, exactly the same car.
It is the same car and the reason for that is, my car, if you remember, worked.
It didn't. Every time you got to a low bridge, your mast was...
-That did happen. -Ah! Now I have a collapsible mast.
And I have a spinnaker
and I also have a keel-come-centre-board.
How did you get that underneath here?
You drop it down through the slot, like you do on a dinghy.
That's a whopper!
This won't work.
We'd soon find out.
-Thank you so much. Here's our challenge. -Come on, then.
-Is it bad? -Yes.
-No, really bad. -Go on.
"You will now drive to... Dover."
No. Not...
"And then you will cross the Channel to France."
-That's the sea. -That's...
-What is it, 22 miles? -He's not making it up.
Mine won't do that.
Here we go.
Let's go!
This is absolutely brilliant!
I'm actually using my weight to counter the roll of the craft.
That's choppy out there.
I can't do that... not in a van!
Mate, it's horrible!
-Maybe if we snuck up on it... -Yeah.
Sneak up on the sea!
That's brilliant.
Meanwhile, back with Captain Pugwash...
Sod it!
Right, now, sail.
We were leaving the harbour.
You can't see what's coming, I can!
I can just see sky, sea, sky, sea...
Whoa! My God, this is big now!
Quite scared! Quite scared!
Quite... really scared.
Why the bloody hell won't it turn round?
Ow... thing.
Whoa, it's coming through the sun roof.
I'm going to try and turn.
Bloody hell!
These are quite big.
-Don't like that. -Don't turn on a wave!
Wait... or something.
I don't know! I got scared!
Oh, my God.
No, no, no!
In seas like this, and with my puny power,
I bravely decided to head back to the harbour.
Then Jeremy bravely followed suit.
Mayday!
Is it not working well, James?
Have you ever heard of the milk of human kindness?
Well, prepare to suckle on it.
Thank you.
Sorry, mate.
Today the wind had dropped and the sea was much calmer.
We're going to France this time.
We are going.
I was now powered by an outboard I'd bought from Jeremy for a million pounds,
and James was my cabin boy.
If you would go below, please, cabin boy,
-And a cup of tea. -Righto, sir.
Oi, Prescott!
I'll have a bacon sandwich.
Richard's million-pound outboard wasn't exactly gutsy,
so, in the spirit of the sea and in keeping of the maritime code,
I gunned it and left them behind.
Oh, she's riding the waves like a twig.
Meanwhile, back on the cabin cruiser...
-Bloody hell! Mate? -What?
There's quite a lot of water. It's up to...
Oh, not again.
This is the third time I've been in this ruddy sea.
Yeah. Technically, it wasn't my fault.
I'm disappointed,. I thought we were going to make it.
Oh, sorry, mate, the cup sank.
With typical good grace, Jeremy came back to pick us up
and then announced we'd have to go back to Dover.
This seemed like a waste of time,
but as we lined up for our fourth attempt, his reasoning became clear.
A couple of years ago, Richard Branson set a record
for crossing the Channel in an amphibious car.
One hour, 40 minutes, six seconds.
And?
No way!
It's an average speed of 10.8 knots.
-So, we go for it? We give it a shot? -In Calais for lunch.
Beardy, you're going down!
Bloody hell! What do we do now?
I can't remember whose right of way it is.
I think that's on a constant bearing as well, which means we're going to hit it.
Oh, God, no!
-I'm quite... -Reckon I'll maybe go behind it.
-Yeah, I'd go behind it. -Yeah, yeah, I think behind it is best.
Having missed all the big, scary boats,
we turned our attention back to Branson's record.
Ready, ready... one hour 40 minutes coming up... now!
We've failed!
We lost!
The town of Sangatte was about to get three more immigrants.
Never mind that we'd aimed for Calais and missed. France is France.
Come on! Come on!
We're 20 yards from France.
To succeed,
we had to get up the boat ramp, but that meant going through the breakers.
No!
Where's that come from?
I really thought we were going to tip over.
We're on the rocks.
We're going up the beach now.
Skilfully, James got a rope round the front bumper
and then, a gap in the waves, I went for it.
No!
That's good.
The pick-up had landed.