You ain't never been hit on
until you've been hit on by a Hispanic man.
You know what it is.
They hit you with one of these.
"Hola, mami. [laughter]
Que paso?"
I felt like I was three months pregnant.
He just said, "Hola."
But it's a difference. It's a difference in cultures.
I swear to God, it's a difference.
'Cause, just for example, you know, I have white friends.
I have black friends.
My white friend catches my husband out cheating one night.
'Cause I know it, ladies. I know it.
She calls me. This is exactly how that goes.
[imitating phone ringing] "Hello, Crystal? This is Becky.
"Becky with the good hair.
"Yeah. I just saw Chris.
"I don't want to cause any problems, but it was--
"he was with a woman I didn't recognize.
"Never seen her in our carpool lane.
"Never seen her at yoga.
"And, you know, we get down at Zumba, right?
"Not even that.
"Just so you know, I would have a conversation with him
when he gets home."
Let my friend Kiesha call, see my husband.
That's real different. Her ring tone even--
her ring tone ever different.
[beatboxes]
This call go like this.
"Bitch...
[laughter]
"you seen Chris?
"I know you ain't seen him, 'cause he right here.
[laughter]
"Bitch, he over here popping on this bitch off sixteen--
"ooh, uh-oh! Girl, it's about to go down.
"They ordering oysters. Yes, they are.
"You better get here. Hurry up,
"you know mama ain't gonna watch the kids
"but another three hours. Come on.
"Her license plate is 278--
[laughter]
"Bring me some Cheetos when you come."
It's a difference. It's a difference.
Culturally, it's a difference.
For example, y'all been to the Astros.
Y'all have been to the Rockets games.
You know, when the--Becky with the good hair,
when she sings "The Star Spangled Banner,"
y'all all know it. Sing along with me.
all: ♪ Oh, say, can you see ♪
♪ By the dawn's early light ♪
♪ What so proudly we-- ♪ [imitates rewinding]
Let Kiesha sing it.
♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪
♪ Oh--oh, say ♪
♪ Can you see ♪
♪ By the dawn's early light ♪
♪ What so proudly ♪
♪ What so proud-- ♪ one more time.
♪ What so proudly we hailed ♪
Next time you go to a game, close your eyes
and you gonna be like, "That was Keisha."
[laughter]